It's dark out and I'm exhausted. I don't know how Orion does it. Stay up late, that is.

Normally I would feel silly right now. I'm swaying gently on the kids' swing set in the middle of the night. The moon hangs above, illuminating our backyard. I don't feel silly though because Orion is in the swing next to me. I never feel silly when I'm with him.

I'm the one that requested we talk. We admittedly haven't done much of that yet. Instead we've just swayed in uncomfortable silence, the gentle breeze running it's fingers through our hair occasionally.

The children are inside sleeping. They have been for three hours now. After we put them to bed, we had watched a movie. 

I was barely able to concentrate on the movie. It's been a week since the argument, that horrible argument where we threw our rings at each other. I really thought that was it. I really thought we were over. The thought makes me sick to my stomach, genuinely. 

My brain is a swirl of a mess. I had watched the movie, my arm slung over Orion's shoulders as he leaned against me. But nothing had registered. I was trapped in a cage in my own mind. And even though I was tired, we needed to talk. 

Orion is smoking. I don't give him shit for it. He's back in therapy.

"I love you, you know."

Orion looks at me and smiles. "I know."

"Look, about last week--"

He shakes his head at me. "Lets just move on, okay?"

But I can't. "Why do you keep hiding things from me, Orion?"

He frowns at me.

"Why didn't I know about--about--" I can't get my lips around the word.

"What?"

"The baby."

He looks forward, puffing out a huge plume of smoke. "Fuck...oh, that."

"I can't do this, Orion."

He looks at me frightfully.

I shake my head. "I can't live my life like this. I love you, Orion, but I'm done with surprises. I'm done with huge upheavals and nasty secrets lurking around corners."

Eyes narrowed slightly, he speaks. "The same could be said for you, ya know."

"Why didn't I know you had a fucking baby, Orion?"

"Because I never did!" he snaps at me. "She got an abortion, the end!"

"You know what I mean. Look, love." 

I turn to him in the swing, my body facing him. "I love you. I love you so, so much. I don't think you understand how much I adore you. But I want stability. I need stability. We're not kids anymore--we can't hide shit like this from each other."

"That's the last of my secrets," he tells me, eyes dropping. "Promise."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I hate how my voice broke. I hate how emotional that came out. Orion's dark orbs lock onto mine, and now we both might cry.

"I don't like thinking about it. It was awful."

"But I'm here for you, you get that, right?"

He sniffs and looks away instead of replying. So I get off the swing and go to him, kneeling in front of him. He looks at me. I take his hands in my own and gaze directly into his eyes as I speak.

"I take you as my husband on this day, and on this day I offer my soul to you."

He blinks. "What're--what're you doing?"

I ignore him. "I promise before all that stand before us on this day to be faithful to you, to love you and cherish you."

"Tristan, what--"

"I will be your best friend and I will be honest with you. I will respect you, trust you, help and care for you. I will forgive you for any transgressions you might take against me, because I love you."

He brings a trembling hand to his mouth.

"I will stand by your side through the best and the worst, never leaving, never wavering. It's on this day, from the bottom of my being, I promise all this to you."

"You remembered our wedding vows," he gasps.

"They still hold true, Orion," I say, hating when a tear trickles from my eye. "I love you, hun. I'm not leaving, I just wish you'd trust me with your pain."

Orion slides off the swing and buries his head into my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I love you. I love you so much."

And as I breathe in his scent I close my eyes against the night, knowing that everything is going to be alright.

~

There's a little boy standing in front of us. He's three. He's dressed like an adult, with jeans, gym shoes, and a red flannel shirt.

The toddler has curly blonde hair, bright green eyes, and a deep caramel complexion. His features are striking--he's going to be quite the lady killer one day (or guy killer, who knows). He's one of the most adorable things I've ever seen in my life and I need him.

It's been a year. We were too broken during that time to seek out a third child. After a long, serious conversation, Orion and I agreed that we still wanted a third child. So we continued our search diligently.

"Hey little man," I say, holding out my fist to him. I laugh when he understands, giving me a fist bump.

"Who is this?" I ask the woman.

"This is Jason," she replies with a smile, handing me his file.

We're sitting in the living room, and she scoops Jason up into her lap as we pour over the documents. Orion cranes his neck to look over my shoulder. We both frown as we read.

He was one of two sole survivors of an apartment complex fire. He was a baby when it happened so he--thankfully--doesn't remember. The documents make note that he has scarring on his legs from the fire, but, who gives a damn honestly? He's healthy besides that.

When I lift my head, trying to not cry at his tragic background, Jason reaches out. He gives a goofy grin, sucking in his bottom lip so his little top teeth show. It's adorable.

"Daddy!"

I laugh, trying really hard not to cry now. "No no." I look at Orion and squeeze his hand. "Not yet, anyway."

Orion nods and smiles, squeezing my hand back.

We were both relieved when adopting Jason moves along without a hitch. Hazel and Thomas were ecstatic to welcome their new brother. So it was with Jason we closed our little family.

Arlene is Jason's Godmother, and she's thrilled and honored with that title. Whenever she's in she spoils him (as though he needed any more spoiling after how Orion treats him). Whenever we need a babysitter one of the Godparents steps up, if able. If not, I'm happy to say Gloria loves being a backup babysitter.

Orion still tours. He's still Orion Bauwens of Saturn Mutants. I feared it would be hard with a family, but honestly it's a lot like having a family with any working parents. When the band tours I stay home with the kids. There's nightly phone calls and video chats at bedtime after his performance when he's away (or before, depending on what time he's taking the stage at). When they record, he's always home with enough time to tuck the kids in; no more staying up all night editing.

Orion is fiercely protective of the kids and shields them completely from that lifestyle. The only reason anyone even knows we have children is because Orion was photographed once walking down the street with Hazel. The rumor mill started up, so he made a press announcement and asked for privacy and respect for his family. I'm happy to say, for the most part, people and the press have obliged.

We know we can't hide our kids from the world forever. For example, they know he's a famous singer. Besides that though, they're clueless. We've created a very wholesome home life.

I'm sure when they're older they'll discover the rockstar side of Orion, but that can wait. We want them to remain innocent for as long as possible. Until then, they're our perfect little angels that we'd do anything for.

I look back at life, and everything Orion and I have been through, and sometimes it doesn't feel real. It's so very different now--we have three kids! Orion doesn't smoke (again)! We survived a horrific car crash!

But for everything that's different, there are some comforting constants. We see Jake and Ben regularly, and they still live down the block. Amy has become a staple in our life. The band still makes music, tours, does press runs. There's not a party that goes by where Gloria isn't present.

Orion is always going to be Orion. He's always going to get overwhelmed. He's always going to have his demons. He's always going to need someone to hold him and ground him, to shine a light into the darkness that's a permanent fixture within his soul.

All that is fine. I am so happy to be that person for him, and I will continue to be that person for him until my dying breath. I know it's always going to be a somewhat bumpy road with him, with his depression, his alcoholism, his past...But that's okay.

Because even if he stumbles and falls, I'll always be there to catch him.

The End

Author's Note: Well guys, this is where this story ends! THE story, Orion's, isn't totally over. But I imagine in my mind that after this, Orion and Tristan's life goes smoothly. Of course there are trials and tribulations, just like in real life, but after this book their drama is over. They live a long, healthy life, growing old together with lots of grandbabies, dying in peace and without regret (probably together, knowing them. In fact I'm sure whichever one goes first the other would kill themselves a la Romeo and Juliet, or die of a broken heart days later). I like to think of these guys as soulmates. :) 

Just one more book after this! If you've gotten this far--THANK YOU. Thank you for your support. I love you guys. Really, I do. 

The final book in the series will be hitting shortly! I hope you've enjoyed everything this series has had to offer so far. 

<3,

~Sarah Strix