"I don't want another surgery," I growl even as they're hurrying me down the hall on a gurney flat on my back. Even as I say that though I'm starting to get light headed.

"Your incision opened," the doctor tells me, "you have to."

I screw up my face. "How? Did the surgeon screw up, or--"

"Doubtful. Did you have a severe coughing spell, or lift something?"

I think. "After surgery I was puking a lot."

"A lot of people puke."

"It was pretty violent..."

"Anything else Tristan that you can think of?"

I think. "Um... this is embarrassing but I was crying. A lot." I remember doubling-over on Orion's bed. I'm sure folding the incision didn't help. I'd rather not explain my body-raking sobs, and that it was uncontrollable at one point and every time I gasped it felt like...well, my side was splitting open. Which apparently it was.

As I'm wheeled into the OR, I feel shameful. "Sorry..."

"Nothing to be sorry about," the doctor tells me, patting my shoulder. "You'll be fine."

As they affix the tubing over my face, I look at them desperately. "Please make sure someone tells Orion what's going on?"

"Of course. Now, count backwards--"

But I'm already out.

~

"We leave for tour in three days," Orion tells me.

We're lounging around in the basement. My arm is wrapped around his tiny frame. He's leaning against me, feet up, reclined, as I absentmindedly flip through TV channels.

"I know."

My boyfriend pauses a moment. "I miss you upstairs."

I look down at the top of his messy black hair. "We still have sex."

Orion sits up and gives me a disappointed look. "There's more to life than sex, Tris."

I frown. I wish he would've been angry. I can't deal with the depths of his displeased eyes.

"When are you going to talk to Jake?" he asks me then quietly, almost as though he's afraid to.

I look away. Honestly, I don't know. Orion traces his finger along my chest, making circles against the grey fabric.

"I miss snuggling you. I miss going to sleep with your scent all around me. I miss your arms around me."

I squeeze him.

Orion looks up into my face. "Tris...I don't understand. Is it a matter of pride?"

"Partially," I tell him honestly.

For a second he's angry. "That's the stupidest line of--" He catches himself and sighs deeply. "It's gonna be awkward if you're both on tour, not speaking."

"I know," I tell him plainly.

He sits up, and now he is angry. "So then do something!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"I don't apologize for things I'm not entirely sorry for."

His jaw drops. Then his skin turns fiery red. "You don't care that you punched him?"

"I do. I mean--"

Orion gets to his feet angrily. He glares down at me. "I never pegged you to be the jealous type, and I gotta say, I'm not a fan of this side of you."

I frown.

"I'm not some damsel where you're trying to win my hand. Fuck, Tris, I'm not a damsel at all."

"Orion--"

"No, shut your yap a minute Tris."

I'm stunned.

"I'm not that fucking sickly guy trapped in a tower that likes to sing in Monty Python and the Holy Grail."

That reference eludes me.

Orion leans down, and the snake that lives in him comes out. His eyes turn into slitted lumps of charcoal. His rosy lips purse into a pale thin line. I hate it when he looks like this. I hate it even more that my actions are what caused him to look like this.

"There is nothing, nothing, between Jake and I, and there will never be anything between Jake and I. And the millisecond Jake tries anything--which I know he won't--he's not my fucking friend anymore."

Even though he's still glaring at me, he strokes my cheek softly. "You're my fucking world, Tristan Smith, and no one is ever going to get between us. Got it?"

I can barely breathe. So I just nod.

He cups the back of my neck. "You're mine, and I'm yours, got it?"

I nod. He presses his forehead to mine and we stare into each other's eyes. He sighs, and then speaks softly.

"Please make this right, Tris."

Before I can reply though, Orion has slipped away upstairs.

--

But I don't make it right. Three days later we're all on a flight out west. We start in California. From there we go to Nevada, then down to Arizona. From there we loop up to Utah to perform a show, stopping at a few places in Colorado before continuing on to Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, and ending in Ohio.

After that the plan is to take a month break. Then we're to hit up New Zealand, Tasmania, Australia. Then it's a quick stop to Japan and South Korea.

Finally the plan is to take an even longer break--currently undecided--and then hit up South America. All that is tentatively planned though. Locations for the South American your haven't even been laid out, and nothing has been announced. It depends on if everyone is up to it.

Who am I kidding though? It really depends how Orion handles it. It's an unspoken understanding. I'm sure he even knows his mental health is what all this hinges on.

We leave the airport with our luggage. Orion is dressed how he usually is when traveling, with a hoodie and sunglasses. However, unlike usual, the hood isn't up, and once we get inside he switches into his normal glasses.

We stop a couple times so they can sign autographs. Every time this happens Amy just stands there a little awkwardly, clearly not knowing what to do with herself. Her addition is going to be officially announced on tour. As of right now, I'm sure people just think she's part of the band's entourage.

Orion and I walk hand-in-hand, which is nice admittedly. Everyone else trails behind us, with Jake bringing up the very back. He hasn't spoken to me, and nor I to him.

Once we're at the bus, we start figuring out luggage. A majority of it goes underneath, but some of us do have carry on. This tour there are three buses--Orion and mine, Amy and Ben's, then Jake's. Of course there's also the crew bus filled with all of the equipment.

Apparently it's common for the first few days that the band all stay on Orion's bus. And also, apparently that happens a lot. Each bus has different amenities, so they also bounce around day to day and week to week. For now though, everyone is crashing on Orion's.

Jake and I have a piece of carry on that is exactly the same. Same small blue suitcase, same brand and everything. It's raining, picking up with every passing moment. We're all scrambling to get our stuff sorted so we're not all completely soaked.

"Oh," Jake says, looking at the tag of his small carry-on. "Erm, Tristan... this one is yours and you have mine..."

Without saying anything I snatch it out of his hand, and shove his into his chest. He sighs and shakes his head.

"Really mature Tristan," Amy snaps as she starts to board the bus. "Get over it already. Fuck."

I can feel my face burn in shame. Before anyone else can say anything, I board the bus, too. Amy is already sitting, digging through her backpack and untangling ear buds.

"Amy--"

She raises her hand. "Nope, don't wanna hear it. You're acting like a child."

I sigh. She's not wrong.

Just then the door opens and Gloria comes aboard. She sits next to me, squeezing her long hair out. As she puts it back into it's ponytail, she's looking at Amy. Once the girl is situated looking out the window and listening to music, Gloria turns to me.

"What was with you and Jake?"

"Orio didn't tell you?"

She shakes her head.

"I'm just--jealous."

To my annoyance Gloria laughs at me. "Jealous? Of Jake?"

I deflate and sink into my seat, twisting and untwisting the bottom of my shirt around my finger over and over. "Yeah..."

"Sweetie. You have nothing to be jealous of!"

"I know," I growl, rubbing my face. "And that's what's so stupid. I like Jake. I know Orion and I are okay."

"You're not going to be if you keep this up."

I look at her. Then I sigh. "I know. I've already been sleeping in the basement for a few weeks now..."

Gloria sighs, muttering something in Spanish under her breath. "Tristan--give me your right hand."

"Huh?"

"Just give me your hand, hombre terco."

I have no clue that last part. Regardless I hold out my hand. Before I can stop her, she snatches my black ring off my finger.

"Hey!"

She holds it up to my face. "Does Jake have a promise ring that matches one Orion has?"

I can feel myself turn red like a stop sign.

Gloria pauses to look at it. "Hey, this is a really cool ring."

I chuckle. "Orion picked them out..."

"Of course he did," she laughs. "The style is very him. Black, of course, but the electric blue to draw attention to it."

I tilt my head. I never...thought of that.

She darts her eyes up at me. "He wants people to notice it."

I can feel myself color again.

"He's very proud of your relationship..." She's gone back to inspecting the ring. She chuckles fondly, reading the inside. "Orio...Does he have your name engraved, too?"

I nod. She's spinning it in her fingertips.

"Um. Could I have it back now, please?"

She smirks and hands it back. I slip it on and raise my eyebrow at her.

"Have you taken that off since you got it?"

"Unless I'm cleaning it, no..."

Gloria pats my knee. "You couldn't even go a minute without touching it. You have nothing to worry about, Tristan."

Just then Orion and the band enter the bus. Ben sits next to Amy while Jake sits on the other side, near the door that leads to the entertainment room. Orion, however, stalks past everyone.

"I'll be in my room," he growls, everyone looking at him. He goes into the entertainment room, slamming the door behind himself.

I'm not sure what that was about, but if I had to guess, it had everything to do with me.

Great.