Any number of years in US would not prepare him for this. So tugs at his collar and muses darkly. His father and his crowd of well wishes always end up suffocating him. It is a circus of different tenor, where he allows his father to show him off like a seal playing with a pink ball.

Assemblyman Hwang has an image to protect. He is the man who as a prosecutor had prosecuted his oldest son for doping just for the sake of uplifting justice. As a father he had to suffer the loss of a child and an almost breakdown of his family. But like a Phoenix he has risen from the ashes. Now one of his sons is back in the game basking in enough glory to wash away the stains of past and the other is getting engaged. It seems the fortune favored those endured.

Or those who knew how to play with the opportunity. So closes his eyes and rubs his temple wishing himself anywhere other than this nest of vipers. The halls are painted with too many memories to bear. Still once in a while he comes when he is summoned like a penance he imposed on himself, So tortures himself with memories of his brother and his own mistakes.

He recalls the very same hall in less light and the hush of night, where Tae begged their father to reconsider. To believe in his innocence. He fists his hands and wills away the shivers curling his spine at the memory of the desperation in his brother’s eyes, the tremor in his tone as he goes down on his knees. Tae had been on the edge of Olympics - a chance he lost due to the allegations. Flames that their father had aired. Instead of standing with him his own kin had pushed him to the pit.

Justice - So thinks with his eyes closed - is a wickedly fickle thing.

He should not have been a part of Tae’s fall though it is a little too late to be thinking that, So accepts the knowledge would haunt him to the end of his days. Had he kept his mouth shut, perhaps, his brother would have been alive. He had seen it eat him away, the feeling of being an outcast in this very house. And So had nothing to offer him than an apology.

“I watched you in Jakarta!” A breathy voice wakes him up. Startled So opens his eyes to find Yeon Hwa smiling up at him. Without invitation she takes his hands in hers, her thick lashes fluttering. “With my heart in my throat - you can still do that you know?”

“I’m flattered,” So frees his hands from the tangle of her fingers. “Congratulations Yeon Hwa, Yo is one lucky man.”

“That he is -” Wook joins them just in time saving So from any further conversation with his younger brother’s fiancee who was also a swimmer from his own club. Turning his eyes on his brother through adoption So wonders how well suited Wook is to this atmosphere whereas he finds the entire facade an ill fitting skin. There is a petite woman in his arm who looks at him with wide brown eyes. Eyes that looks familiar in a strange way.

Saving him the trouble “You!” she says in greeting.

“You remember him?” Wook rounds on her, his eyebrows raised. “Strange…” He mutters to himself.

The woman has yet to tear her eyes off him. So shifts uncomfortably and offers, “we met in the graveyard when I went to visit Hyung.”
There is something in his tone that denotes the said visit is off the list of topic. Instead with a flinch at the memory Soo turns to Wook.

“Should I remember him from somewhere else?” She asks tilting her head. There is speculation in her voice. Wook looks uncomfortable as he chooses his words. He speaks to her in a cautious tone of one addressing a child.

“I talked about him remember ?” He asks tentatively. “This guy here - is my younger brother who lives in US. Since you both haven't met before an introduction is in order,” Wook babbles on not catching the undercurrents between the pair holding their gazes. “Soo - meet my brother Hwang So the national athlete. So - Hae Soo my girlfriend and Yeon Hwa's cousin!”

She couldn’t help the surprise at being called his girlfriend when in fact their betrothal was something beyond both of them. Fiancee would have been a better term. But then, Soo thought feeling flustered, perhaps in his world that would require a celebration of these proportions. She flushed looking up and noticing So had caught her little shift of expression. He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

In that very moment the oldest Hwang brother decided to join them. Soo knew him from before, they had met enough times during what they called social gatherings. Hwang Mu was a man of little speech and thoughtful looks. He had only stopped enough to smile at them as he clasped So on shoulder.

“Give me a moment, brother,” with that, and another flash of hesitant smile he steered his younger brother away, towards what she imagined was a private study off the hall.

**

On Mu’s fireplace there is a framed photograph of the three of them. So, Mu and Tae before he passed away. Watching their faces illuminated by the ghost of a firelight, So thumbs his brother’s face in a gentle stroke. It is the first picture of Tae he had seen in a very long time.

Mu’s sigh is audible in the silence of the night as he stands up, comes to stand with him staring at the brighter days captured in the frames over the fireplace.

“I’m dying So.” His tone is empty as if announcing the weather but the words fall on him heavy like bricks. So turns to his brother with wide eyes of horror. “They can’t find why - but soon it’ll be hard to keep it under wraps.”

“I don’t for a moment believe Tae was anything but honest. I don’t for a moment believe my brother as the coward they say he is. Someone was involved in his death and they are lurking somewhere inside our house. ”

Behind his close eyelids So sees dancing sparks of colors. Still he continues to rub his eyes. Try to swallow the knot in his throat.

“Do you think Omoni has anything to do with what's happening to you?” he asks after a moment.

“Yes.” Mu replies with conviction. “Your mother thinks I took Tae down. This I think is her twisted revenge.” In his heart, So finds himself tempted to believe him. But he says nothing. “I have a kid. I promised her mother that I would care for her. I would not leave her at the mercy of my enemies.”

“I came because you asked me to.” So says with a sigh. “Tell me what you want me to do.” Tell me anything other than reopening my wounds. Anything other than betraying my mother….he wishes silently.

“I need to find out who was actually behind Tae’s demise, to prove your mother of my innocence. Please So help me protect my daughter.”

Something twists inside him, ugly and withering. The memories bubble up and throb against his pulse. So hates to disappoint Mu but there are things he fears deeper.

“I can’t do it.” He says after a moment. “I’m sorry Hyung - but I can’t hurt her again.”

And I don’t want to get hurt in the process…is the thought he keeps to himself. The wound is still too fresh to go poking around.

“And whatever there is to find I’m sure Aboji knows it all. Why don’t you ask him?”

He investigated it. So thinks to himself. I’ve seen the files. I’ve seen too many photos of Tae’s lifeless body to last a life time.

Mu chooses not to reply to that, there is a shadow of disappointment darkening his features. However he lays an understanding hand on his shoulder, it's weight heavy on So's conscience.

"I hope to see you again brother. Think about it." He says in the end.

**
He stays a moment until Mu’s footsteps are swallowed by the slow music from the hall. A bead of sweat tickles down his brow and So clenches his eyes shut, willing the memory away - chasing it as far away as it would go.

It doesn’t go very far and instead his heart rate pummels high. Air - he thinks offhandedly. He needs air. He pushes through the door half blind and is heaving for breath by the time he reaches the end of the corridor. The vision of his mother with her hair wild and blood in her hands, drying on the front of her clothes; it holds him in claws that are tightening around him until he could breathe no longer.

“Murderer!” Her sharp nails sink into the sides of his neck when she lashes at him, holding him by the collar to shake furiously. At the memory of the fire in her eyes his teeth clatters. “You killed him! You monster! Are you in peace now?” She wheezes between words, venom she couldn’t translate verbally filling into the pauses. “Monster! Monster! MONSTER!”

It will all repeat itself. The dark thought cackles in his mind. He will be responsible of the loss of another brother. Mu will not win against his mother because So is too much of a self loving coward.

When he stumbles into her, So hardly realizes who it is. If not for her fingers curling around the material at his elbow, he would have blindly thrashed past her.

“Mr. Hwang?” Her voice is hardly audible over the echoes of his mother’s shrill tone.

“Go -” he gasps at her, leaning against the wall to maintain his balance. Her hand remains on his elbow and her eyes peers at him with bottomless compassion. As if he is a pitiful animal withering in pain - the comparison as it occurs to him makes So despise that look in her eyes. “Leave me alone!”

His hands push her away blindly at the same time fighting to breathe. His complexion is paler than she remembered from a while before and he slides down the wall elbows on his kneels, curling up into a shivering ball already forgotten she still stood there watching.

Soo makes an annoyed sound from the back of her throat as she kneels down, the wine stained dress that sent her down this passage momentarily forgotten. Instead she reaches over and rubs his back in slow rhythmic strokes.

“Breathe.” She urges softly as she continued to stroke. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

He falls forward like a plant reaching for sun and rests his forehead on her shoulder inhaling deep shuddering gasps of air.

“Shh… It’s okay. It’s over. Keep breathing.”

His arms comes up to gather her into an instinctive embrace pulling her closer so that he could bury his face in the crook of her neck. His breath tickles her, but Soo remains immobile, letting him soak up the comfort of her presence and her hands continue to stroke.

“I’m a monster -” his tone is distorted against her skin.

“Of cause not…” She agrees, “No one is.”

“Oh but I am - I am. I am!”

She pauses for a moment, rendered speechless by the conviction in his tone. And that precise moment he detaches himself from her and scoots away.
“Stay away!” His tone is cold as he stumbles to his feet. Soo narrows her eyes, folding her arms as she follows the suit.

“I don’t need your help.”

“Fine!” Frustration fumes inside her and she lets it show. He sways on his feet for a moment and she almost reaches out to balance him. He looks at her as if she is the plague personified. “Help yourself!”

With that said with as much venom as she could master Soo walks away, fists curled into balls.