Cherise Lovette was an amazing woman. After losing my mother, I never thought there would be someone who would ever make me feel that connection again. Especially not when it came to Priscilla, my so-called stepmum—even though she was finally trying. But I did with Cherise. Over the years, she has become a second mum to me. 

Another woman who made sure I was a good man to Harper or else she was going to injure me in a place I value very, very highly. And even though I didn't really know Cherise around the time Everly passed away, we got close during Lanie's pregnancy when Ayden and Nate went missing. It seemed like that's when we all just grabbed those closest to us and held on for dear bloody life. 

This whole donor match thing was terrifying—and I meant before the whole Cherise-is-the-match-thing. When I found out all the side effects that came along with it, my immediate response to my wife wasn't all that smart. 

"You can't donate if you're a match."

Harper's hand paused half-way through brushing her hair and her eyes met mine in the mirror. "What did you just say?" 

I got up from the bed and the sheet fell from my naked body. We had just got done fucking and I waited while she took a shower. It was just something I liked to do. After I had my fill of her, which was never, I would wait while she took a shower because I loved watching the parts after. 

Watching her apply lotion. Drying off and putting on her robe. Brushing her hair. It was like a little private show, and she loved teasing me while she did it. Better than anything on the telly, that's for sure. Then there were times I couldn't stand the waiting and would join her in the shower. 

"If you're a match," I repeated, "I don't want you to donate. I forbid you." 

"Forbid me?" Her eyes widened at my words, and I didn't care if that meant I was about to get my ass handed to me. "You FORBID me? Jackson, you can't forbid me to do anything, so keep that domination stuff strictly for the bedroom. If I'm the match, I will go through with it. No matter what." 

"I refuse to lose you, princess. Not a chance in hell." 

She finally turned away from the mirror to face me. "You won't lose me, Jackson." She cupped my face with her small hands and looked me dead in the eye. "Whether I'm the donor or not, you have me. I promise." 

My tough exterior was starting to crack, and my voice came out way too shaky. "If something happens...I can't live without you."

"I know," she whispered. "I can't live without you either. You think I'm not terrified if you are the match? Of course, I am. But would you really choose not to donate to our niece just because we both are afraid?" 

My answer was obvious. And she knew it. 

"You would do it anyway," she said for me. "And even though I would be losing my mind, I would know that I couldn't stop you. She's needs us, baby. We got to do this." 

"I know," I murmured. 

With a small smile she grabbed my hand and placed it on her belly. "Besides, I'm convinced you and I will become parents one day, Jackson. Our story isn't over yet." 

***

"I don't like this, princess. I don't bloody like this at all." 

Harper was pacing around the kitchen while I sat on the bar stool. "I don't like it, either. But she's made her choice. The surgery is happening tomorrow. For both of them." 

Bloody hell. Every time I heard that, I felt like I was going to throw up. After we all got the news, and Cherise's follow-up tests came back great, everyone's been in sort of a trance mode. Now the fucking surgery was tomorrow. As if tension wasn't high enough already. 

"Are you okay?" she asked before walking around the island to stand in front of me. 

Needing comfort, needing her, I reached out and pulled her body between my legs where she fit perfectly. "I'm okay, princess. I'm just scared. For everyone. About everything." 

She brushed my hair out of my face. I loved it when she did that. "I know. Me too. But we all just need to stick together with this and stay positive. No going off the rails. For anyone." 

I knew she was talking about me with that last part. After Nate lost it at Down the Rabbit Hole, she was worried I would reach my own breaking point. To be honest, I thought the same thing. Karma did also, apparently. She's been checking on me every day. Inviting me to lunch or to see a movie. Anything to keep my mind off this shit. 

I was grateful to her and took her up on her offers a few times. But deep down I think it was also for her benefit, too. I knew she was going mad just like we were. She was a nurturer and keeping Nate from stepping off that ledge again had to be taking its toll on her. She needed the distractions just as much as I did. 

When there was a knock at our door, Harper and I frowned at each other. 

"Do you think Gwen forgot her key again?" 

I shook my head. "No. She's at the hospital with Danielle and Ryan until later. Let me see who it is." 

There was another knock, this one faster and more forceful. 

"Yeah, alright! I'm coming!"

I swung the door open and froze. What the hell... Ayden and Nate were standing on my If We Don't Answer, We're Probably Fucking doormat with grim expressions. 

"What's wrong? Is it the baby?" 

Ayden shared a look with Nate before looking back at me. "No, baby's fine. It's Ryan."

"Ryan? What about him? He's at the hospital with Danielle and—"

"No, he isn't, Jackson. Danielle called Lanie and asked if we'd seen him. He said he was going home to change, but never came back to the hospital. We went and checked his place before coming here. Nothing. And his phone is off." 

I raked a hand through my hair. Fuck. Just when I was starting to finally believe that we might make it through another day without one of us stepping off that damn ledge and diving straight into Losing Your Shit mode. 

"I think I know where he is. Hold on." Leaving my friends at the door for a moment, I grabbed my keys, jacket and shoes before walking back to my wife. "I gotta go, princess. I'll keep you updated." 

She gave me a quick kiss and nodded. "Be careful. I love you." 

"I love you, too." 

Within two minutes, I was out the door and in Nate's car with him and Ayden. 

"Where do you want to check first?" Ayden asked from the front seat. 

Nate's car pulled out onto the street, and I leaned back in my seat, buildings and cars whizzing by so fast I couldn't make out one from the other. 

"There's only one place. He's at Down the Rabbit Hole." 

Low curses were uttered from the front, but not another word after that. The only sound I heard was the acceleration of Nate's car. Today was a weekday, and with everything going on, we decided to close the bar a little early this week. That meant he was there alone right now. 

Alone and upset wasn't a good mix. Especially for my brother right now. Thankfully Nate drove like a bat outta hell and we got there pretty quickly. Sure enough, Ryan's truck was parked in the front. 

"Let me go in first," I told them, and they fell back behind me a few steps. 

With a deep breath, I entered and spotted my big brother immediately. He was sitting at the bar. Well, laying on the bar rather. He was slumped over, head down and arms resting on the top. A nearly empty bottle of Dalmore—a twenty-five-year-old single malt scotch that ran just shy of two grand was resting in his left hand. 

Bloody christ. This wasn't good. Not good at all. 

I glanced over my shoulder and shook my head. Ayden and Nate stopped where they were but didn't leave. Cautiously, I walked up and stood beside my brother. I half-expected him to be asleep. But his eyes were wide open, staring at nothing in particular. 

"Hey, Ry," I said softly. "Dani sent me. She's worried about you." 

Heavy sigh from my sibling. "She's worried about everything. Everyone."

"Why don't you get up and we'll go to your place. Me and the guys can stay with you. Get you sobered up. Maybe order some food." I clapped him on the back a few times. "Come on. Nate was complaining all the way here in the car about wanting a bloody cheeseburger." 

No movement from the drunk. Just more mumbling that I could barely make out. 

"Surgery is tomorrow. I'm worried about Cherise. But she's strong. A fighter. She's going to be fine." Another heavy breath. "But the baby...she's so fucking small, Jay. And this is a huge surgery. What if she—"

"Don't. Not gonna happen." When he didn't move, I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to his feet. He swayed, but I anticipated that and held him up. "Listen to me, brother, and know that I'm speaking the fucking truth. Your daughter will get through this. Mark my words." 

He completely fell apart and dropped his head onto my shoulder. His body shook as he cried, his fears pouring out of him. I was never good at this kinda thing. The comforting. But I hugged him anyway. 

Ayden and Nate surprisingly joined us, forming one massive group hug. It seemed to help a little. Ryan's body didn't shake as much, but he made no move to let go of me. I thought about what Harper said to me that day we talked, and I felt like it was meant to prepare me for this. To help my brother. So, I repeated what she said. 

"Her story isn't over yet, Ry. Your baby's story—it isn't over yet. Remember that." 

***

Are you guys going crazy? I am! Can't believe the surgery is happening in the next chapter! I should have that posted tomorrow or no later than Wednesday. 

There will for sure be a new chapter of Heartstrings tomorrow! So look out for that. As always, thanks for reading. 

xoxo

🖤