"Have you ever seen that show hoarders?" 

I didn't even bother looking at my best friend. "I'm not a hoarder, Nate. I'm being what they call smart. You should try it some time." 

"Smart? How is having ten baby gates smart? There's not even that many doorways!"

I continued to read the instructions that might as well be in a foreign language. I was never going to get this shit done. "If you're just going to stand there and be an asshole all day then feel free to leave." 

"Um, this is my house, too." 

"Not since you moved in with Karma." I glanced up at my friend. "Haven't you seen your old room? It's been...upgraded." 

Nate cocked an eyebrow. "Upgraded? Into what? When?" 

"Go see for yourself." 

Nate darted into the hallway that led to his old room. I smiled to myself while I waited. I guess Lanie hadn't told him that we converted his room into a—

"What the fuck!" His bellow could have been heard from Manhattan. He stomped back into the living room, glaring at me with arms crossed over his chest. "A gym? Really?" 

I let go of the instructions with my right hand and gripped my left bicep. "Gotta stay in shape, Nate." I eyed Nate's arms. "Looks like you've been slacking, my brother. Maybe you should get in there and tone up." 

Nate opened his mouth to say some witty comeback. Then he hesitated and looked around the disaster that was the living room. Parts of the baby gates were everywhere. Spread out with barely any walking space. 

"You're trying to change the subject, Ayden!"

Frustrated, I tossed the instructions aside. "Well, what the fuck, man. Why is this shit so hard to put together? Some of our past missions seemed easier than this." 

Nate scoffed and crouched in front of me. "I don't know about that. Lemme see the instructions?" 

"Why? You wont be able to understand them either." 

"Just give it here."

"No."

"I will punch you." 

With a huff I handed the instructions to him. "Good luck. Asshole." 

Nate studied the sheet. Glancing back and forth repeatedly from the paper to the pieces that were scattered. He tapped his chin as he read. Like he was actually understanding what the steps were. 

"Okay," he finally said. "I know what we need to do." 

"There's no way you understood that." 

He handed it back to me. "Hell no. No one could understand that shit. What we need to do is hire someone to come and set it up for you." 

I contemplated that for a minute. "Fuck. Why didn't I think of that?" 

Nate's smug smile was something I've seen way too much during our friendship. "Because I'm the smart one." 

I snickered as we got to our feet. "So you're saying that I'm the brawn and you're the brains?" 

"No. Hell no. I'm definitely the brawn and the brains." 

"Yeah," I chuckled again. "Sure you are. Anyway. Wanna beer?"

Nate put his hands together. "Answer to my prayers. Yes, please." 

We carefully stepped over the scattered pieces of the baby gates and made our way to the kitchen. Lanie went out to get some stuff for little Nate's birthday party and was probably on her way home by now. I was hoping to have most of these up by the time she got here. 

Not so much. 

I opened the fridge and handed Nate a Heineken. "So how's it going with Karma? She doing better?" 

Nate took a big gulp of his beer. "Yeah, much better. Thanks. We're doing good." He shrugged a shoulder. "It took a little while for us to find our groove after everything that happened, but we're good."

I nodded. Thank God she was doing better. I'd been so worried during her grieving process. Even though I didn't want to think it, there was a tiny part of me that was worried a rift was going to form between them and they were going to split up.

Thank God for Jackson. He helped her, which helped them. 

I leaned back against the counter and crossed my legs at the ankles. "So when are you gonna propose to her?" 

Nate choked on his beer. Eyes watering as he coughed. "What?"

"You heard me. You guys have been together for over a decade." 

"Ayden, we were apart for over a decade. Our time together is barely more than two years."

"So?"

"So...it's not the right time." 

I splayed my hands in front of me. "Not the right time? Nate, it's been the right time since you two got back together." 

When he didn't answer, I exhaled a heavy sigh. I've known Nate for a long time. And when you spend as much time together as we did—especially on missions in Afghanistan—you really get to know someone. I knew how he felt about marriage. I remembered our long talks. And now that I knew the legendary story of Nate and Karma, some of what he said made sense. 

"Look," I said softly, "I know that you're scared of—"

He cut me off instantly. "I'm not scared, Ayden. I'm just not the marrying kind." 

I took a step towards him and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm not trying to piss you off, Nate. But if you love Karma, I mean really love her, then you need to face what you're afraid of." 

Nate gave me a hard look. "You don't know what you're talking about, Ayden. Drop the subject."

"Fine," I breathed with a shake of my head. "I'll back off." 

This would be different if Nate didn't believe in marriage. If he and Karma were two people who just didn't do the married thing, it would be so much easier. And I wouldn't be involved. 

But I happened to know that he did believe in marriage. Longed for it, actually. With Karma. But he was scared. All those long talks made more sense when I started seeing the two of them together. 

Marriage was a big step for him. It was with a lot of people. He's tried to keep love out of his life since he was a teenager because he was terrified of the pain that came with getting your heartbroken. 

Then when he did take a chance and fell in love with Karma, he felt that agonizing pain that came with loss. A pain I was familiar with. He's lost her twice already. Getting married would make him fall even deeper in love with her and that would put him at an even greater risk. 

Even though it worried me, I understood. 

The sound of the front door opening and slamming caught both of our attention. We shared a look. This can't be good. 

Lanie came into the kitchen carrying a brown paper bag. Her brows were drawn. Her lips pursed. 

We watched as she dropped the bag on the table with a thud. Then she went to the wine rack and grabbed a bottle of red. 

Nate leaned in close to me. "Yeah..." He drew out the word. "I'm outta here. Good luck with that." 

I've never seen Nate move that fast before. Not even in combat. He flew out of the kitchen and was out the front door in five seconds flat. 

Pussy. The only other thing he was afraid of was a pissed off Lanie

Shit. For a split second I almost wanted to follow after him to get out of the Blast Zone. 

But I wasn't going to do that. Something had my girl upset, and I was going to figure it out. 

I approached her slowly as she uncorked the wine. "Hey, goddess. How was your day?" 

She shot me the death stare. 

"Right. Got it." I cleared my throat. "Uh, where's little Nate?" 

"Cherise asked to take him for a few hours. I ran into her at the store." 

Bless that woman. Cherise was a mother to all of us. She had an amazing heart and loved my son almost more than we did. 

"That's good," I murmured. "We can have some time to ourselves. Maybe have dinner. Or have one of your knitting sessions" 

Knitting became our code word when we first got together. I was overseas and we were in a relationship via letters and phone calls. One night when she told me she was in the bathtub, I told her next time to just say she was knitting. 

Because, at the time, knowing she was naked was too much for me. 

Lanie slammed the bottle down on the counter so hard that I was surprised it didn't break. "There will be no knitting, Ayden. No date night. No party. No birthdays. No nothing." 

Now she had me confused. She left this morning to buy the stuff we needed for little Nate's first birthday party. She seemed so excited and cheerful when she left this morning. 

A bad feeling came over me and I closed the small distance between us. I rubbed her shoulders as I looked into her green eyes. 

"Baby, tell me what's wrong. You know you can talk to me. Did something happen?" 

She finally looked up at me. I had never seen so much pain in someone's gaze before. 

"Yes, Ayden. Something did happen." Even though her voice was shaky, her tone was angry. Panicky. "Nate isn't having a birthday, okay? I've been trying to get over this, but I just can't." 

I had no idea what brought this on with her, but it scared me. Somehow I kept my composure when I asked, "Trying to get over what?" 

She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "How can I celebrate his birthday, Ayden? His birthday is a reminder of one of the most terrifying days of our lives. I was in an accident. Little Nate almost died." She put her fingers to her temple. "Oh, god. He almost died. He was so small. How can we—I can't celebrate that." 

Now it all made sense. She'd been a little more hot and cold with her emotions lately. Cutting me off when I would bring up little Nate's birthday. Spending most of her days off with him in the nursery. 

It all made sense. 

I cupped her face in my hands and wiped way her tears with my thumbs. "Lanie, you're looking at that all wrong. Yes, those things happened. You can't imagine how scared I was when I stepped off that plane and heard the news. I've never felt fear like that in my life." 

Talking about that almost-tragic day made me want to throw up. I had nightmares of it after it happened for weeks. I never left the hospital, going back and forth from Lanie's room to the NICU. Losing my shit and ordering doctors around. Checking and rechecking their vitals myself. 

I knew exactly how she felt. But she needed to know why this birthday party was important. Why it needed to happen. 

"Listen to me, baby. Do you know what else happened that day?" She shook her head. "Those doctor's saved your life that day. They made it possible for me and you to spend the rest of our lives together." I wiped away another tear. "The other amazing thing that happened that day was the birth of our son. Against all odds he survived, Lanie. Our son is a fighter," I whispered. "Just like his mom. Don't you see why we have to celebrate his birthday? It's not about the almost-losses. It's about surviving. And we are going to celebrate that." 

Lanie was quiet as my words sank in. Then she threw her arms around me. "God, I love you. I love you so much, Ayden. Thank you." 

I rubbed her back comfortingly. "I love you, too, goddess. You and our son mean everything to me." 

Still in my arms, she pulled her head back to smile at me. "Looks like we have a party to plan."