23| It's Real Now

"How'd it go, princess?" 

I looked up from the doorway. Jackson rose from the couch quickly and came towards me. I glanced at the spot where he'd been sitting. The indentation in it painted a clear picture of how he'd been while I was at the doctor's. 

Knees bent with elbows resting on them. His dark hair was disheveled from the countless time he probably ran his hands through it. Even now the worry lines on his face made my heart ache. 

We had a long talk over the past week about whether or not we should try to conceive. I knew his fears. They were the same as mine. If he got me pregnant, there was a very high chance that I would miscarry. He was worried about the affect that would have on me. 

But this wasn't just about me. During our long talk, I voiced how worried I was about him. His main concern was me, and I loved him for that, but this was a marriage. We were partners. Even though he said he would do this if I was sure and it was what I really wanted, I told him that I didn't want to do it if it would hurt him like it would hurt me. 

I knew what his response would be before he even whispered the words. 

"Don't worry about me, princess. As long as you're fine, I'll be fine." 

Ultimately, we decided to give it a shot. I made an appointment for today to have my IUD removed. Naturally, he wanted to go with me. Insisted on it. I knew this appointment was going to be emotional for me and I didn't want him to see me like that. Not when there was most likely going to be more breaking down in the future. 

After a little arguing and some pleading on my part, he finally agreed to stay home. As long as I took Lanie with me. Which I was fine with. 

"It went well," I answered honestly. I stepped into his arms, accepting the warmth and comfort he offered me. God he smelled good. He always smelled good. But after the day I had I took advantage and breathed the earthy scent of him in through my nose. "Thank you for letting me do this, Jackson." 

He stroked my hair and brushed his lips against the top of my head. "I nearly drove myself mad trying not to get in my car and come after you, princess. I was so worried." 

"I'm okay. I promise." 

It was true. I was okay. I freaked out a little when my OB went over the risks of me getting pregnant one more time, but when she handed me the box of prenatal pills, the tears stopped. 

I stared at the bottle and only one thought went through my head. "I wish Jackson was here." 

I still think it was good not to have him there, though. If he saw me get upset like that then he may have talked me into waiting to have my IUD removed and that wasn't an option for me. Even after I agreed to adopt a child with Jackson, I still longed to get pregnant. I wanted a baby with Jackson. I wanted out baby to have his eyes and protective instincts. I wanted the baby to have my stubbornness. 

I wanted our baby. 

I pulled away from him and reached into my purse. "Look what the doctor gave me." 

His eyes widened when he saw the large bottle. "Prenatal vitamins?" He took the bottle from me with shaky hands. He studied it before looking back up at me with watery eyes. "It's real," he rasped. 

My brows drew together with concern. For a second, I thought his tears were because he was thinking about possible miscarriages. But it was actually the opposite. 

"Jackson? What's—"

"It's real, princess." He sat the bottle on the table before clasping my face with his hands and kissing me until I was dizzy from the pleasure. "It's real. We're going to get pregnant. You and me."

"Well, we're going to try to—"

"No." He shook his head. "No trying. We will get pregnant. I can feel it, princess." He placed his hand on my flat stomach. "I can't wait to see how you'll look with my child—our child—growing inside you." There was so much love in his eyes that it was almost overwhelming. "I never thought it was possible before you. Any of this. Marriage. A baby. A family.

He kissed me again, this time softer than before. His touch always seemed to anchor me when I got overwhelmed. And right now I welcomed it. 

"Thank you," he breathed against my lips. "Thank you for everything. For you." 

"Are you kidding me?" I stroked his strong jawline as I got lost in those blue eyes of his. "I should be thanking you, Jackson. If we never met in that bar and you never invited me to your hotel room...No offense to Ryan, but I don't want to even imagine what my life would be like right now. Without you." 

I frowned when he reached for my purse and sat it next to the prenatal vitamins on the table. "What are you doing?" 

My question was answered when he unzipped the back of my dark green dress and let it fall to the floor. Next was my bra. 

"Are you feeling up to this, princess? After the doctor—"

I pulled his lips to mine, my tongue snaking inside instantly, dying to taste him. The doctor said it was fine to have sex after my appointment, and Jackson's concern only made me want him more.

Jackson groaned, never breaking the kiss as he scooped me up and carried me to our bed. I clutched his shoulders when his mouth descended to my neck with devastating talent. Somehow he managed to lay me down and position himself between my thighs without removing his lips from my skin. 

"I love you so much," I moaned, already lost to the pleasure he delivered. 

He lifted his head to meet my gaze. His thumb stoked my bottom lip before bringing my left hand to his lips and kissing my wedding ring. "And I love you, my wife. Forever." 

I spent the rest of the afternoon in Jackson's arms. I lost count of how many times we made love. And all the places we did it in our condo. The last was in the shower. He had taken me fiercely, every stroke of his cock inside me was powerful claim being made. 

After the shower, we ended up in the bed again. This time it was slow and sweet. And I couldn't decide which way I loved it best. They were all parts of Jackson Reese. I could always tell what he was feeling by the way he fucked me. It was one of ways we were so compatible. 

"How are you feeling?" 

I smiled down at him. After our last round of sex, he laid his head on my stomach, his fingers resting by my belly button. 

I knew he was asking because I just had my IUD removed. My doctor said some woman can feel a little pain and soreness after. Honestly, I was a little sore inside from it. But I wouldn't have changed what happened for anything. 

"I feel amazing. How are you feeling?" 

"Lucky as fuck." He chuckled, his breath skated across my skin causing gooseflesh to rise. "So lucky." 

My fingers were buried in his hair. With all the stress we've been dealing with lately, he hasn't gotten it cut in awhile. 

"I like this," I murmured, running my fingers through it. 

"Nonstop sex for hours? Funny, me too, princess." 

I grinned. "That too," I laughed. "But I'm talking about your hair. I've never seen it this long before." 

"Like it long do you, princess? Say the word and I won't cut it." He started tracing circles around my belly button. "Anything for you." 

Those three words were words that I've heard a lot over the course of our relationship. He always put my wants and needs above his. Somehow, someway, I was going to repay him for that. I needed to find something that I could do to make it up to him. 

"Imagine if we made a baby today..." 

My eyes closed at his words and my heart squeezed. So much hope in his voice. 

"Jackson, don't forget—"

"I know, princess. Every woman's different and it could take awhile before you're body is ready after getting off the birth control. But what if we did make a baby." 

I watched him dust butterfly kisses over my belly. I've known for awhile that Jackson's wanted a baby, but I didn't know how deep his feelings ran. This wasn't just him giving me what I wanted. This was something he needed. Desperately. 

The pressure to get pregnant and carry the baby to term hit me like a freight train. I was determined to try everything. Fertility treatments. Vitamins. Hell, I'll stand on one foot and tap my head if a doctor told me that's what I needed to do to get pregnant. 

Literally anything to give us what we both wanted. 

A family. 

"What if," I whispered back to him.

***

I'm SO sorry that it's taken me awhile to get a chapter posted. With Watty's and my working in Heartstrings, I've had a little writer's block. But I'm happy that I wrote this today!

For those excited for Heartstrings and Jamie's stories...I have some exciting news I will post later today!

Thanks for reading 

xoxo

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