*****

"You know it's love when your feelings don't leave even when the person does."

*****

Sharleen turned on her bed for the millionth time. Her eyes unfortunately wide awake with totally no trace of sleep. Not that she did not want to sleep, in fact it was the total opposite, she craved for sleep to take her.

Her eyes automatically glanced at the alarm clock on her bedroom table the moment she heard a short beeping sound. A groan left her mouth on realization of the time. It was already 11pm and  the best thing her eyes could do was to blink. This is fucking great!

All this was happening because of one person. The only person that made her heart feel things that her mouth could not describe.

Devlin.

When he left the jewelry shop that afternoon, she felt her whole world shatter to pieces. Pieces so small that she was sure no one else will be able to pick. Unless him of fucking course.

What pained her was that he didn't even try and confront her. She knew it was partly her fault since she didn't even have the courage to look at him but somehow deep inside she wanted him to ask her, like he did not believe anyone else but her.

But all he did was storm away from them like he couldn't stand her presence anymore. God knows how much she struggled to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall as she tried acting normal with her friends after he had left.

'That was weird' was the first comment Nicole made seconds after he left. Now that she was thinking about it, it was weird.

Sharleen was thinking too much about herself that she had not notice what was going on around her. Now that she was thinking about it...

Why did he storm out of there angry?

When he came in he was happy to see them but when Nicole informed him about the wedding he just excused himself, angrily which she noticed, and left.

Does that mean he was jealous?

Does Devlin like her too?

Were their feelings mutual?

Sharleen started thinking back if she could find any clues to solidify her assumptions. The more she tried to think the more giddy she started to feel.

The chocolate cake he brought for her...

He wanted to go to Nicole's house only if Sharleen was there...

The panty dropping smiles that he sent her way every time their eyes met...

All of these have to account to something right? A man can't do all that for nothing, can he? Does he like me? Or love me? Does he feel what i feel? Loads of questions ran through her mind that she almost thought she would pass out.

Calming her breath, Sharleen felt a little bit of content after the discovery. She could not explain it but she was happy that she could at least evoke an emotion from the one person that made her feel like a teenager experiencing her first crush.

The vibration of her phone made her jump back unconditionally and because she had been turning now and then and she was lying on the edge of the bed, she fell on the floor with a thud making her yelp and seconds later throwing curses before she could stop her mouth.

Still on the floor, her hands reached blindly for the phone that was still vibrating on the bed. With a single glance at it, Sharleen received the call and placed in on speaker.

"Hey Sharleen! Quick question, can i give Devlin your number?" Nicole asked from the other side, direct to the point.

"What!?" Sharleen asked after processing the question for a few seconds. She was so shocked at it that suddenly jumped to a sitting position from her initial lying one. A groan left her mouth when she felt a sharp pain on her left ass, the part she ungracefully landed with when she fell from the bed.

"Is that a MOAN? Sharleen are you having sex with Kevin while talking to me? You sly thing! I didn't know you had it in you! Way to go girl, i need details..."

"Nicole! No i am alone and i was sleeping before you interrupted me." Sharleen said sharply stressing on the word 'sleeping' to avoid more questions that she knew were already formed on her friends dirty mind ready to be transferred to her mouth.

"You can give him my number, there is no problem. You trust him right?" Sharleen said in a not interested tone to avoid any suspicions from her friend but her pounding heart, shaky body and sweaty palm said it all.

Sharleen was anxious.

Devlin wanted her number, that means he wanted to contact her. Would he call her? Or text her? Does she want to hear his voice? Of fucking course! Can she trust her voice to act normal while talking to him? Probably not.

Please God, make him text and not call. Let him have a sore throat or something... Just for tonight though...

Sharleen was too deep into thinking that she neither heard her friend yelling still on call nor heard the short beeping sound confirming that Nicole ended the call.

Two simultaneous vibrations from her phone are what brought her back. Sharleen carefully stood from the floor, minding her injured hip and sat on the bed.

Swiping open her phone, she quickly tapped on her messaging app very sure in her mind that it was Nicole sending her one of those annoying messages since she spaced out at the end of their conversation.

Hello Sharleen.

It was a message from a new number. It did not even take a second for Sharleen to guess who the person might be. Without even realising it she quickly stood from the bed only to be brought back down with the all familiar pain of her left ass. Throwing some curses again, she took her phone and opened the message ready to reply after taking some deep breaths.

Play it cool Sharleen.

He doesn't know your feelings, don't freak out.

That was her subconscious trying to throw in some encouragement. She slowly and carefully typed her reply and with one last deep breath and closed eyes, she sent it.

Sharleen
Hey Devlin. What's up?

See? Simple right?

Before even she could blink, her phone vibrated in her hand. Shit! I am surely going to die of heart attack at this rate. Can't a girl breath just for a second in peace? Or is that too much to ask?

Mumbling a quick prayer, she opened the message but what she read made her drop her phone, on the mattress thank goodness. Her eyes were still glued to the phone even though it was not in her hands anymore, as if trying to confirm if what she read was correct or her mind was playing games.

Devlin
Can we meet tomorrow? Matters of the heart❤

How could he say that so... simply? Matters of the heart? Meeting between her and Devlin?

Deep deep down in her heart she wanted it. Oh how much she craved for it! Her meeting with Devlin, him confessing his love for her, she doing the same and they finally she gets to know what his lips taste like.

But that was all a fantasy. A fantasy that had for a moment made her forget the reality. The reality that was now dawning on her full force, making her feel like someone had just poured a bucket of ice cold water on her.

Kevin.

She had a fiancee. A very good fiancee if she may add. Faithful, loving, caring and most of all a good friend.

Kevin did not deserve this, not even an ounce. How would he feel if he knew his soon to be bride was currently not asleep because of another man? What would he do if he knew his soon to be bride was having some feelings towards the man too? Worse, what would he say if he knew that his soon to be wife was too chatting with the said man at the middle of the night?

No. She could not do this to Kevin.

Sharleen felt guilt eating her up like fire eating up dry grass. She could not let her stupid teenage crush come in the way of her beautiful marriage.

She was not raised a selfish person, neither was she planning to be one. A crush would come to pass sooner or later, she was sure. All she needed to do was to stay away from him and her mind would eventually forget him... hopefully. She was now a woman not a girl and she had to act like one.

Picking up the phone from the mattress, Sharleen stared again at the last message that Devlin had written thirty minutes ago... What the... Was it thirty minutes already? How the hell did time fly like that?

Ten minutes later Sharleen had not yet formulated any reply. She had gotten into a routine of typing few words, deleting them and repeating the cycle.

Feeling mentally drained, Sharleen dropped her phone on the bed purposefully to catch a breath. But what surprised her, or horrified her, was the ding sound of her phone that only sounded when a message was sent.

Quickly grabbing the phone, she unlocked it, praying on all prayers that her phone had not sent a stupid message and not to Devlin of all the people.

Sharleen
Afjgtiluglgsjfuakhl

Of fucking course the message was sent to Devlin and Sharleen could not hold back her hand when she face palmed herself. She swore she had Satan laughing at her that very moment.

She now needed to reply, and faster, another message, so she may not look like a creep. Weighing the pro's and con's, Sharleen typed another message and sent it without waiting for second thoughts from her subconscious.

Sharleen
Yes we can meet. Tomorrow in the afternoon. I have a few things to say to you too. I will text you where we shall meet.

Sharleen reread the already delivered message and switched off her phone with a heavy sigh. Who knew phones could actually be mentally draining?

Sharleen lied facing the ceiling after placing her phone on her bedroom table. She did not even want to look at the time knowing if she did she would probably stay awake since it was almost morning, she guessed.

Closing her eyes, she prayed for strength that she would definitely need on her meeting with Devlin. She was going to tell him everything. That she is soon to be married. That she already has Kevin. That she loved her fiancee. That she appreciated his love for her,but she can't reciprocate it. That he should find someone else that could love him for real...

Most of that was a lie, she knew, but it needed to be said. Relationship requires sacrifices and she was willing to sacrifice anything for her relationship with Kevin to grow stronger and not crumble.

Maybe Devlin was not in love with her after all.

Maybe Devlin loved Nicole and wanted to talk to her about it.

Maybe she was not supposed to be worried.

But why was she not happy with these maybes?

*****