IVAN

Hindi siya pumasok. Yukihero Azukawa did not go to school for a week after he stayed at my house. Minsan iniisip ko kung buhay pa ba siya. Kung nakauwi ba siya nang maayos kung saang condo man siya nakatira noong nakaraang Sabado. Kung nilalagnat pa ba siya at basa ng pawis tuwing natutulog—

Shit!

Why do you care, Ivan?

Naalala ko na naman ang tatay ko. He would always scold me and kuya whenever he noticed that our heads were somewhere else all of a sudden. Si Tatay ang pinakamasipag na taong kilala ko. He always saw to it that he foresaw everything. He taught both me and my brother how to focus at work and to never get distracted.

Tamad na tao si kuya, hindi gaya ko. But he would see to it that tatay's wishes are his priorities mula nang naghiwalay ang mga magulang namin. Iniwan kasi kami noong ng nanay ko. I hated that day. That was . the most painful day in my life. Magmula noon, hindi na kumalma ang puso ko. Iyong parang laging may namumuong bagyo sa dibdib ko na hindi ko alam kung kanino ko isasalanta. Ang pag-iwan sa amin ni nanay ang nagdulot ng kakaibang poot sa puso ko. Pero si tatay, lagi niya akong tinuturuang maging kalmado. Hanggang sa nasanay na lang akong kontrolin ang mga emosyon ko gamit and headset ko. Reducing the noise around me helps a lot in calming my storm. Pero minsan, may mga unos pa ring nakakatakas sa puso ko at nababaling ko sa iba.

I have this thing in my life that I call the Piggy Bank. Doon ko nilalagay ang mga binibigay na allowance sa akin ni tatay. Hindi ko na kailangan ng suporta niya actually. My part time job in Almasen is enough to give me the money I need for a week. The tuition was also not a problem; magagaling ang mga teacher namin ni kuya noong mga bata pa kami so it wasn't so hard for me to get a scholarship from multiple organizations. In short, I can fucking take good care of myself. Except for one thing. I'm not a good cook.

Speaking of heads in the clouds, "Mr. Ivan Boselli, nakikinig ka ba?" Nasaharapan ko na pala si Ms. Malubag. Nakahalukipkip at pumapadyak ang paa habang may hawak pang meter stick.

"Yes, of course." I smiled. I winked at her. I saw her blush. I know my teacher is a 30-year-old single lady at hindi nakatakas sakin ang point one millisecond na pagkatulala niya.

"Mr. Boselli, alam naming lahat na guwapo ka," she's fidgeting. Lagot, I could see her veins pulsating on her forehead. "Isa pang beses na kindatan mo ako, ipapatawag kita sa Dean's office."

Tinawanan ako ng lahat. Napakagat ako ng labi ko.

"Sorry—"

"Tayo! Go to the board and solve the equation."

I grabbed the whiteboard marker. It took me 30 seconds to find the value of X.

Natulala sa akin si teacher. I handed her the marker, sabay tingin sa mga classmates ko. "I told you, I was listening."

Ms. Malubag had no choice but to put a big red check mark on my solution on the board. My classmates were holding their smiles, dahil paniguradong pag-iinitan sila sa susunod na math problem if they laughed. May silbi talaga ang mga advance classes na inenrolan sa akin ni tatay noong bata pa ako.

The class ended, and I was the last one to leave. I hate going with the crowd. Gusto kong laging nahuhuli. Ayoko nakikihalubilo sa maraming tao, it drains my social battery. Gosh, I wish I'm like kuya. Kuya Gabriel is like a social butterfly. Kahit noong mga bata kami, siya lagi ang madaldal sa aming dalawa tuwing isinasama kami ni tatay sa mga lakad niya. Maybe that's how I became like this. I'm always drowning in my own universe instead of talking to strangers na mahilig akong ikumpara sa kuya ko.

I love my kuya. And kuya loves me, higit sa iba pa naming kamaganak. We only have each other. But at some point in my life, I got jaded by sudden remarks when people set my brother as the standard. That's when I started to fall in love with daydreaming. Mas gusto kong kausap ang sarili ko. Because my self won't judge me. And if I do, they're valid judgements. Because, just like everybody else, no one else has been completely in my shoes except for me.

I was about to stand up, leave the classroom, and continue my self-conversation when another teacher came in and approached Ms. Malubag.

"I need help. Babagsak ang estudyanteng 'to kapag hindi niya natapos ang project niya in a month." I know her, she's an engineering teacher. "Yuki Azukawa goes to your class too, right?"

All of a sudden, tila nagkaroon ng glue sa pagitan ng upuan at ng puwet ko. His name abruptly swallowed all the ideas that were flying in my head.

"Yeah," my teacher responded. "Tatlong subjects na ang namiss ni Yuki and if he misses one more long quiz, he will get a sinco from me too."

"Oh, well. Iwan ko na lang 'to sa department. I was hoping he would come to your class and I can talk to him pero mukhang he's not coming back to school."

"What did the Dean say? Is Yuki on leave?"

"No, kaya nga ang weird."

I approached them. Hindi ko alam kung anong nakain ko at kusang gumalaw ang katawan at bibig ko. "Excuse me po. I think I can give that to him. May alam po kasi akong madalas niyang puntahan."

"Saan?" they said in unison.

I was about to say Almasen Bar but my smartass knows otherwise: "Sa simbahan po."

Damn, I'm a good lier.

"Oh wow, religious pala si Yuki? Diba mahilig daw siyanmg mag-bar?" Nagkatinginan silang dalawa. "So ano, mare, ipapaabot na lang ba natin."

"Oo." Then there was a sudden light on Ms. Malubag's face: "Mare nabalitaan mo ba na dito raw nag-aaral ang isang anak ni Dante So? 'Yung Bilyonaryo?"

"Weh?"

"Oo! And Yuki could actually be him ayon sa mga chismis. Sabi sa balita ay mahilig daw magparty. E, ang estudyante kong 'yon, suki ng nga bar sabi ng mga kaibigan niya."

Sometimes I wish people were like me. Sometimes I wish they could just talk to themselves regarding sensitive matters like this instead of casually sharing them with other people.

"Ako na po ang mag-aabot," pagputol ko sa chismisan nila. "I'll also try to convince him to come to class."

I politely left. Naririnig ko pa rin silang nagbubulungan sa likod ko. Maybe this world would be a better place if everyone thought that Yuki was the billionaire's son. Oo, mukha ngang magandang ideya 'yon. Maybe they would be nicer to the guy who is about to become an out-of-school youth.

"Yuki?" Ang taong hinahanap ko ay nasa school lang pala. He is not wearing a uniform but some long-sleeved shirt na halos hindi ko na makita ang balat niya. He was coming out of the clinic. May hawak siyang ice pack.

"Hey, wait up," tawag ko when I caught up to him. "Bakit hindi ka pumapasok?"

Hindi niya ako magawang tignan sa mata. Napansin kong itinaas niyang ang turtle neck niyang suot to cover some kind of rash sa leeg niya.

It's probably a hickey.

He may have had fun the entire week he was gone. Pero sa itsura niya ngayon, he doesn't look like he had fun.

"I am not feeling well," he said with his head still bowing down.

I suddenly grabbed the edge of his shirt. I carefully dragged him to a bench and sat him there.

"Is this still because of the punches you got from the bar?"

He was quiet—not moving, actually. He suddenly nodded.

"I'm okay, Ivan; don't worry about me."

His eyes are no longer swelling. I just don't know where he got his hickey from.

Kinuha ko ang icepack niya at itinapal sa leeg niya. I saw him twitch, and he was about to steal the ice with his two hands. nang bigla kong hinawakan ang dalawang kamay niya. Pinagpatong ko ang mga ito, ipinatong sa hita niya habang dinagadanan ng is pang kamay ko. My other hand is still busy nursing his hickey.

"Kaya ko na 'to, Ivan."

"Hindi ako sanay na ganito ka. Too nice. Too formal. Hindi ka naman ganito dati," tuloy-tuloy kong sabi to distract him from struggling from my grip.

He stopped fighting my hand. Natahimik si loko. Jeez, I miss calling him unggoy. Loko doesn't sound too angsty.

Ikunuwento ko sa kaniya ang mga habilin ng dalawang teachers kanina. He was so quiet until he decided to say something na inaasahan ko na, "Baka hindi na nila ulit ako pahabulin sa mga na-miss kong lectures."

There was a goofy smile on my face. Naisip ko ulit iyong planong naisip ko kanina.

"Don't worry, most of the people in the school think you're one of the sons of the billionaire Dante So. People will be nicer to you and more lenient."

Wala siyang reaksyon. Tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay. Ang tangkad niyang tao kaya kahit anong yuko niya, I could still see the sadness in his eyes.

"Wait, huwag mo sabihing ikaw nga?" I said in jest.

"Hindi ako, adik," he smiled.

That's more like it.

"So ano, papasok ka na?"

"If my chance naman, Ivan, papasok talaga ako."

"Then own it."

"Own what?"

"Be the total masterpiece," I said, then I leaned back on the bench and closed my eyes while facing directly at the sun.

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

"No one knows who this second son of Mr. So, so own it. Magiging mabait ang mga tao sa'yo."

"But that's lying."

"I said own it. Not claim it."

"Ha?"

"Let people think he's you. Don't correct them kapag naririnig mo. Act like it's actually you but never claim it in public."

"I don't like this—"

"Listen, I know you like to go to parties," I said bluntly. "And alam ko ang lifestyle mo." I'm not being careful with my words now. Nadadala ako masyado sa mga plano ko. Stop, Ivan. Stop! "If you still wanna meet up with girls during the weekends then pretend you're someone important in school so you can always get away while having fun—"

Tinakpan ni Yuki ang bibig ko. Hindi ko napansin na nakawala na siya sa grip ko.

Yuki is in tears, his hands shaking while he covered my mouth.

"Please, Ivan, don't say things you don't know."

Yuki is crying in front of me. The Yukihero Azukawa is crying in front of the tactless Ivan with the long name Boselli.

Ibinaba niya ang kamay niya.

"God, I feel bad, Yuki. I'm sorry. Please don't cry."

Hahawakan ko sana ang mga pisngi niya to wipe his tears when he suddenly turned away.

"I'm fine, Boselli."

He's back on the last name basis. I felt a squeeze in my chest.

He saw his friends walking in the hallway opposite the field in front of us. Bigla niya akong iniwan.

His eyes may have dried while running on the soccer field, habang papunta siya sa mga kaibigan niya. Watching him from the bench, he looks like the old, happy Yuki that I know.

Maybe he doesn't really wanna be my friend.

Maybe, pinapakisamahan niya lang ako and his real personality is when he is with his peers.

Ang lungkot. I wished I stayed quiet. Baka nag-open up pa siya. Sana pinag-isipan ko muna ang sinabi ko. I wished I could have had a fast talk with my self before I opened my mouth. Wala akong pinagkaiba sa dalawang teachers kanina.

Naalala ko ang plano ko for Yuki. Napayuko ako. Gusto kong sabunutan ang sarili ko. It's the only way I know para hindi siya pag-initan ng mga teacher namin dahil sa absences niya.

I'm doing it for him!

Or...

Maybe...

Ginagawa ko, 'to para sa sarili ko?

Tangina!

Tatay would kill me if he found out what I was planning to do with Yukihero Azukawa.