IVAN

Natapos ang kasal ko.

In my wedding suit, nagtungo ako sa rooftop ng Eastampton kahit Linggo. Dumaan muna ako rito pagkatapos namin manggaling sa simbahan. Nauna si Emerald sa wedding reception.

Today was like the day I first brought Yuki here. The bench was soaking wet from the subtle rain. Pawala na ang mga ulap na nagdala ng kaginhawaan sa mga natutuyong halaman sa paligid. I could feel that the mango tree was elated because of the rain. It was beautiful; ripe yellow fruits shone because of the dew that had collected around them.

Buti pa ang puno ng mangga, masaya ngayong araw na ito.

I was expecting na makikita ko si Yuki sa simbahan kanina. Pinagdasal ko na he'd barge on the church's door bago ko maibigay ang mapait ko "Oo" sa tapat ng altar.

Pero he was firm with what he stood for noong huli kaming mag-usap sa hallway ng hotel. Ni anino niya ay hindi ko nakita ngayong araw.

Umupo ako sa ilalim ng puno. The bench felt cold but I ignored it. I took a deep breath and as I did, umihip ang malambing na hangin galing silangan. The air carried the scent of mangoes to my nose.

I squeezed my chest. Dapat nagdiriwang ako ngayong araw na ito pero parang ginigiling ang puso ko.

Ang sakit. Sinaktan ko siya para sa kapakanan niya. Dahil kung hindi ako nagpakasal, Yuki would lose that one thing that kept him together.

I started sobbing under the tree. I squeezed my chest even more. I remembered the day my Tatay saw me crying all night after my Nanay left us.

I was inconsolable. He found me in a corner of my room. He sat next to me. Ginaya niya ang puwesto ko, he pulled up his knees to his chest. From his mouth came the words that kept me grounded when the feelings of wrath and melancholy were at war for the highest throne in my heart.

"When you are in pain, pay attention. The universe might be trying to teach you a lesson."

As my tears damped the air around me, I wanted to ask the universe how big of a lesson Yuki and I have to learn for us to experience this crushing pain in our chests.

Maybe there was no lesson at all. Maybe the universe was not always trying to teach us something. Hindi lahat ng kuwento ay may dalang karunungan. Hindi lahat ng libro ay kapupulutan ng aral. Marahil, ang kuwento namin ay isa sa mga librong iyon. Perhaps the universe just wanted us to feel this pain.

Ah, pain.

I think I just need to live with this pain my entire life.

I pulled out a small bottle from my chest pocket. Kasing laki lang ng tester ng pabango. It was made of glass and inside it was a letter.

Tumuntong ako sa bench.

I reached for the nearest branch. Hindi ko pinansin ang mga hikbi at panginginig ko. Ang mahalaga ay maitali ko ang mensaheng ito.

With a yellow ribbon, I secured the message in a bottle on that branch.

Inayos ko ang sarili ko. I took a deep breath. I inhaled as much air as I could under the tree. Gusto kong langhapin ang halimuyak ng bulaklak ng puno ng mangga sa huling pagkakataon... as much air as I can, even if my lungs exploded. And when I was sure that the scent registered to every fiber of my body, I exhaled.

Marahan akong naglakad palayo.

I knew in my heart that only Yuki would notice that piece of glass. Mandalas kasi siyang tumingala. Napansin ko iyon sa kanya tuwing ninanakawan ko siya ng tingin noong hindi pa kami close. Kami lang din ang may susi sa pintuan ng rooftop na ito. Binigay ko noong una ko siyang isinama.

I will no longer be back at Eastampton University. Mamumuhay na kami ni Emerald sa ibang bansa.

Muli kong nilingon ang puno bago ako nagtungo sa exit door ng rooftop.

As I slowly closed the door, I imagined that a tall, half-Japanese handsome man was standing on that bench, reaching for that branch, and untangling that yellow ribbon.

I wonder what your reaction will be when you read it.

Will you be sad?

Will you be happy?

Will you honestly forgive me, Yukihero Azukawa?