IVAN

Noong nasa Batangas kami, 5 am na nakatulog si Yuki. Nakaunan pa siya sa palad ko. Pinipilit kong patagin ang mga kilay niya.

I wonder how much he had suffered in life at kahit sa pagtulog, mukha siyang maraming iniisip.

When he used my left palm as his pillow, and when I cupped his cheeks with my right, tila nawala ang kunot sa kanyang noo at mas lalong pumanatag ang paghinga niya.

"Good night, Yuki," bulong ko. As I was about to pull away, I felt my phone vibrate. I slowly stood up away from the bed and answered the phone outside my room.

"Kuya?"

"Open the door. We need to talk." It was Kuya Gabriel.

Iyong antok na inipon ko buong magdamag ay tila ninakaw ng boses ng kuya ko. Pinagbuksan ko siya ng bahay. Mukha siyang kalmado pero hindi nakatakas sa akin that he was heaving. I knew that he was angry. He was just trying his best to compose himself, dahil kapatid niya ako at ayaw na ayaw niyang naglalabas ng emosyon sa harapan ko.

He still looked posh as usual. Brushed up ang itim niyang buhok. Nakasalamin na parihaba na bagay na bagay sa chinito niyang mga mata at makapal niyang kilay. He was in his brown trench coat at nakabota pa siya na halatang dumiretso siya rito mula sa isa sa mga meeting nila sa Jeju Island.

Gusto kong matuwa na nandito siya but at the back of my head, kinakabahan ako sa sasabihin niya kapag nalaman niyang nandito si—

"Yukihero Azukawa is in your room, correct?"

My throat suddenly became dry. Gusto kong maubo pero ayaw gumalaw ng lalamunan ko.

Anong isasagot mo Ivan?

"Yes, kuya." Mabilis akong napayuko.

"Haven't we talked about this?" Mahinahon ang boses niya. Ngunit ramdam ko ang talim sa tanong niyang iyon.

"Hindi ko na po pakakasalan si Emerald."

I saw his hands clench. I was just staring at them habang nanginginig ang mga kamao niya.

"Might as well talk inside, Ivan?"

He let himself in. Naupo siya sa sofa sa main living room namin.

"The So Corporation will be transferred to the Hans later this year," sabi niya. He was staring at me like I was his... last resort.

I bowed down to avoid his darting gaze.

"Tatay will be kicked out of his position dahil sa mga mapagsamantalang tao. Alam mo iyan, Ivan."

Napahawak ako sa mga tuhod ko. Ibinaon ko sa mga palad ko ang mga kuko ko.

"Do you remember what we talked about before I allowed you to enter Eastampton?"

I nodded.

"May kasunduan tayo, Ivan. That you will prove to the world that you can take over the entire So Corporation in my stead."

"Yes, Kuya, I remember that. The board is composed only of people who worked their way from the bottom to the top."

My tatay was one of them. Ganoon din ang ibang matatandang miyembro ng board nila. There was that rule that their successors should work their ass from the bottom of the corporation all the way to the top to prove themselves, without anyone finding out.

"That's the reason why I had to keep my identity a secret before," dagdag ko. Kung bakit ako nakatira sa apartment. Kung bakit ako nagtratrabaho sa Almasen. The thing I called The Piggy Bank was the plan we had to work in the shadows as the secret heir to the So Corporation. Kailangan naming patunayan na we survived poverty just like the ones before us. Only then we could own the shares of the company.

"Listen, Ivan. Kung hindi lang nagkasakit si tatay nang matagal, dapat ako naman talaga ang nasaposisyon mo. Pero noong nagkasakit siya, kinailangang isa sa atin ang lumantad. Someone had to take over, which forced me to unvail myself and run the company, thus disqualifying me from that post on the board someday."

I felt something clawing in my lungs.

We have rules in life. Some rules were made to contain chaos and maintain peace. This rule that we have in our enterprise is total nonsense.

Hindi ko na matiis na huwag sumagot. "Itong rule na ito, gawa-gawa lang ito ng mga taong inggit kay tatay, Kuya."

"Alam ko. Pero napakarami nilang miyembro ng board na against kay tatay. He was able to build these businesses from scratch and they fear that I can't take over dahil laki ako sa yaman. The board wants someone na dumaan sa hirap, lumaki sa hirap, dugo at pawis, without the public priviledge of being known as the son of a Tycoon."

"That's why I was kept hidden for a long time?" Ramdam ko ang pawis sa palad ko. "Hindi pa ba sapat ang paghihirap ko ng maraming taon para tanggapin nila ako ngayon? Wasn't being separated from my family all these years enough for them? Napakawalang kuwenta ng board!"

Walang kuwenta. Oo, walang ka kuwenta-kuwentang dahilan. Isang makasariling pamamaraan ng mga taong inggit sa tatay ko. It may sound absurd but this shit exists in the real world. My brother and I loved our father. Alam naming pinaghirapan niya ang naitayo niyang ito but people would make absurd rules just to oust him in power.

Tinabihan ako ni kuya. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit. I could still smell the scent of tanginess from the country he came from.

"I will never get tired of apologizing for that. Kung ako na lang sana iyon, Ivan. I would gladly do it."

"Naiintindihan ko naman, Kuya. Lumaki akong malayo sa lifestyle mo. Kaya lang kasi ngayon, puwede bang pagbigyan mo naman ako sa nag-iisang luho na hihilingin ko?"

Napakalas ako sa mga bisig niya. Hinawakan ko siya sa balikat. Iniiwasan niya ako ng tingin dahil alam niyang magiging makasarili ang hihilingin ko.

"Can you let me at least choose the person I want to fall in love with?"

"Kung iyon lang ang dahilan, Ivan, papayagan kita. I would even fight the entire board for you dahil kuya mo ako. Pero some people on the board have been privately investigating you and Yukihero. They already know his medical history."

How did they...

I tasted the blood from my lips nang bigla kong kagatin ito. Napakurot ako sa mga braso ko. I could feel the sting of my nails as they went deeper to my skin. I need to contain my wrath. I need to lock my chaos. Gusto kong magwala pero ayokong magising si Yuki sa itaas.

"I do have a solution," dagdag ni Kuya Gabriel. Sa mga sinabi niyang iyon ay kahit papaano nabawasan ang pandidilim ng paningin ko. "I will give you an option, Ivan."

Napalunok ako ng laway. I could feel my intestine twisting dahil nahuhulaan ko na ang patutunguhan nito.

"Ano?"

"You'll live happily ever after with Yukihero. Pero may ibang papalit sa posisyon mo at dadanasin ang lahat ng pinagdaanan mo. And you know that it can no longer be me."

"No! Don't you dare involve him in this!"

"That's the only way. Hindi alam ng board ang tungkol sa kanya. Anak rin siya ni Dante So. At hindi siya laki sa yaman."

"No, Kuya. Walang kinalaman ang bunso natin dito! Sobrang bata pa niya! He just started school."

"You need to choose, Ivan."

My memories came flashing back. Noong iwan kami ni Nanay dahil hindi sa ibang lalaki kundi dahil sa tatay ko. The day I started hating the universe.

There were birds that night.

It was a rainy day. I was young. Ipapasok ko sana sa bahay ang kulungan ng mga alaga kong ibon. Pero nawala iyon sa isip ko dahil nakita ko kung paano lumayas ang nanay ko dala ang mga gamit niya.

The sound of birds were ringing in my ear. Mga ibong nanghihingi ng saklolo dahil basang-basa na sila ng ulan mula sa bagyo noong araw na iyon.

I was so mad that my hearing went blank that night...

I forgot about the birds...

I let them die.

I was alone all night. Iniwan ako ni Nanay sa mansyon. Iyak lang ako nang iyak hanggang kinabukasan ay nadatnan ko na lang patay ang mga alaga ko.

Then I found out that she had a new life. She had another son. I found out about the existence of that son many years after mamayapa ng nanay ko.

Muling umalingawngaw ang boses ni kuya sa tenga ko.

"You need to choose, Ivan."

"No, Kuya. Please."

He cupped his mouth. Painful words escaped them.

"Si Yukihero or ang nawawala nating kapatid na si... Kite?"

Tuluyan nang nanlumo ang mga tuhod ko. I've been preventing this. I've been parrying this thought for so long mula noong malaman ko ang tunay na katauhan ng alaga ni Yuki. Kaya ako madalas tulala. Kaya kamukha ni Kite si Kuya Gabriel dahil siya ang bunso namin. Hindi siya tunay na kapatid ni Yukihero.

Higit sa lahat, Yuki has had enough. Walang-wala na siya sa buhay. Kapag kinuha namin si Kite sa buhay niya, tuluyan nang maguguho ang mundo ni Yukihero Azukawa.