YUKI

Umaambon pero nagsisimula nang tumirik ang araw.

Hindi kami masyadong makakilos sa buong Eastampton. Panay ang tingin sa kanya ng mga tao. Crowds would form wherever we went.

Sa totoo lang ay inaasahan kong dudumugin si Ivan ng maraming tao nang bumalik siya rito sa Eastampton. But his cousins hired someone else, aside from me, to look out for him. At siguro dahil sa taong ito na isa na rin niyang body guard, wala nang nagtatangkang lumapit kay Ivan kahit na mga babae.

"Subukan niyong lumapit, pagtatadyakan ko kayo!" sigaw ni Greg. Nasaharapan namin siya. Maangas ang kanyang lakad. Sa record niya sa pagiging basagulero, wala talagang magtatangkang lumapit kay Ivan.

"Yes, po. Maayos naman po siya rito," radyo naman ng isa pang lalaki sa aking likod. His name is Rohan. He's been working for Ivan's cousins too. "The media outside has been under crowd control."

Ivan is back in his old Eastampton uniform. Nakasukbit ang bag niya sa balikat ko. Kanina pa niya pinipilit agawin ito pero nagmamatigas ako. Mula noong dumating kami rito, sinesermonan na niya ako dahil tutol siya sa pagiging bodyguard ko. But I kept on insisting that I'd be guarding him kung ayaw niyang alisin ko ang kapatid ko sa prestihiyosong school na pinagdalhan niya.

"Can you guys take care of things from here?" tanong ni Ivan sa dalawang bantay namin.

"Oo, ako bahala." Nilalagatok pa ni Greg ang mga kamao niya habang nakaharap sa mga kumpol ng tao na sampung metro ang layo sa amin.

"Yeah, you go ahead, boss. Do what you have to do," tugon naman ni Rohan.

Bigla akong hinila ni Ivan. Ipinasok niya ako sa fire exit sabay takbo paakyat. He started laughing as we were running upstairs.

"Saan mo ako dadalhin?" ani ko.

"To our spot."

"Mango tree?"

"Oo."

"Pero paakyat tayo. Nasa ground ang spot natin."

"Dami mong tanong Yuki-no-baka."

This is the first time in days that I have seen him laugh. The movement of his beautiful hair as we ran upstairs slowed down time. Ang maganda niyang ngiti became brighter as light from the exit door shone on his face. He looked back at me while tilting his head sideways, acting all cute.

When we reached the rooftop, wala nang ulan. May mga puddles pa na nagkalat, pero malapit na ring matuyo ang mga ito.

"Doon!" Ivan pointed at a bench. Nasisilungan ito ng ilang bahagi ng taas ng puno ng manga mula sa ground floor. Sapat lang ang taas ng puno ng manga para umabot rito sa tuktok ng ikatlong palapag. The leaves kept it dry.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.

"Did you just—" Hindi maipinta ang ngiti sa aking mukha. He obviously just had this place remade.

May bagong bench at may maayos na flooring sa sahig. Halatang kakapintura lang ng bench na iyon ng brown. Sobrang lago ng mga dahon ng puno sa ibabaw ng bench kaya hindi ito nabasa ng ulan. Marahan niya akong hinatak paputa sa harapan nito. The flowers from the mango tree are now turning into mango fruits na nakasabit na tila mga palamuti sa palibot ng bench.

It's a picture-perfect view. May brown na bench sa gitna. May malalagong berdeng dahon ng puno sa likod at taas nito. May mga nakalawit na padilaw nang bunga ng manga sa palibot.

"Sorry," saad ni Ivan. "I wish I could have done better. Hindi na kita masosolo kasi sa ibaba. Ito na lang ang alam kong lugar na pwede kitang..." He was blushing as he continued, "...maangkin."

He said the last word quietly. Akala niya siguro ay hindi ko narinig 'yon. Nakatingin pa siya sa kabilang direksyon.

Being taller than him, I could clearly see the side of his face turning cherry red.

I decided na mas lalo siyang asarin.

"Maangkin is too lewd. It's so not you, Ivan."

"Shut up!" Naka-pout niya akong hinarap. Naiinis niyang binitiwan ang kamay ko. He started punching lightly my arms, acting so chummy.

We sat down on the bench. I put down his bag between us. It's been almost half an hour, and we're just waiting for each other to break the ice. I looked at him. His eyes are in the void, staring blankly at the sky. He was quiet. He was lost again in his own world. I decided not to call him back to Planet Earth this time. I want him to keep floating in his own galaxy. I know he wants to talk to himself right now in his own universe. Ivan's universe. Ah, that might be a very nice place to stay. I sometimes wonder what that place looks like.

There have been so many things that have happened lately. I want him to scan through his thoughts as many times as possible.

At isa pa, sa mga oras na ito, I am appreciating all the effort he made to make this place special. Minsan na akong nakapunta rito. Dati itong tambakan ng mga sirang arm chair at ng kung anu-ano. Pero ngayon, ang ganda na talaga. Nakatingin akon sa mga ulap dahil unti-unti nang nababawasan ang mga ito.

"Yuki, you don't have to be my bodyguard." Ivan broke the silent wall.

"Mabait naman pala si ate Jasmine." I'm using my usual diversion tactics. "She gave me a job na at hindi na ako mapipilitang tumayo sa ilalim ng init at lamig."

"You seriously don't have to do this, Yuki." Kilala na niya talaga ako. He saw through me. Hindi gumana ang palusot ko.

"Hindi ba ayaw mong i-transfer si Kite?" pang-aasar ko. Kinuha ko ang bag niya. Niyakap ko ito at sinimulang amuyin.

Nakatulala siya sa akin as I trace his scent from his bag. Biglang nagbago ang itsura ni loko. He was biting his lips, halatang pinipigilan niyang ngumiti. Dineretso niya sa harap ang kanyang tingin habang magkasalubong ang kanyang mga kilay.

"Stop using your brother as leverage, Yuki-no-baka."

I smiled. His bag still has his scent on it. I like Ivan's scent. It's just like him. Hindi pang mayaman. Hindi nagbago kahit na alam na ng mundo kung sino siya. Simple, hindi mapagmataas at... hinahanap-hanap ko pa rin. I once saw him getting a cologne bottle from his bag, noong magkatabi kami sa classroom. He put a few drops on his wrist. He rubbed it a few times, bago idinampi sa makinis niyang leeg. He was even closing his eyes as he rubbed that beautiful scent near his Adam's apple. Ivan has always been sexy in everything he does. And he doesn't know that, which makes it more sexy for me. Minsan ay napansin ko ang cologne na gamit niya. It's a scent called "Dew Drops" na nabibili sa 7-Eleven. It has that soapy, fresh-from-the-shower scent na may minty flavor with faint smell of chamomile.

"I'm not using my brother as leverage," saad ko. Hell, yeah I do.

"Yukihero!" Magkasalubong ang kilay ni Ivan habang nakapalobo ang pisngi niya na parang bata.

Umiwas ako ng tingin para hindi niya mapansin ang pamumula ng pisngi ko. Ivan is sexy in a lot of things. The way he teases me in Japanese. The way he stands up and sits down, tuwing katabi ko siya sa klase. The way his wolfcut hair dangle on his side profile sa tuwing nasisinagan ng araw mula sa labas ng bintana ang mukha niya. The kind look he gives at the whiteboard every time he takes down notes. Even when his eyes are closed while he's listening to music from his earphones...

He looks so damn sexy.

"If not for your brother, then why are you doing this, Yukihero?"

I exhaled. I was mumbling habang nakangudngod pa rin ang mukha ko sa mabango niyang bag.

Ako talaga... "I know you've struggled so hard to stay here, Ivan,"... Ang may gustong manatili siya rito... "Alam kong nag-effort ka pang magpanggap na hindi anak ng Bilyonaryo,"... tama, gusto ko siyang manatili sa tabi ko.

Napayuko siya. It's the same reaction he has whenever I tease him in this classroom. That about-to-smile look pero he's trying his best not to.

Natigilan siya ng ilang segundo. Napatingin siya sa mga sanga ng puno.

"Alam mo Yuki, wala na ring sense na manatili ako rito."

I felt my chest squeezed.

"Talaga? bakit?"

Ako ba, walang sense? Akala ko ba ako'y.....mahal mo?

"I wanted to have a normal college life. Working part-time sa Almasen was supposed to be enough for me. I wanted to blend in. Ngayon, kahit na nandito ako, kahit ilang body guard pa ang ipalibot sa akin, iba na ang tingin sa akin ng mga taga rito."

The way he talks right now is very different from the Ivan that I know. Pero tila may inililihim pa siyang sikreto. Isang sikreto na ayaw kong panghimasukan. Ito ang tunay na Ivan. Parang ang tunay na ako. Ito ang Ivan na matagal na niyang itinatago. Ito ang Ivan na nakakulong sa sarili niyang mundo. The version of him that he has been trying to protect from the world his entire life...

Young, fragile, and afraid of the world.

"Ngayon Yuki, kalat na sa lahat kung sino ako—"

"I'm sorry. Alam kong dahil iyon sa akin, Ivan."

Mabilis niya akong nilingon. "Don't say that, Yukihero." His eyes were shaking. Kinapa niya ang kamay ko. He started squeezing it. "It was never your fault."

"Actually, kasalanan ko talaga," giit ko. "Kung hindi ka nag-viral dahil sa akin during my PE presentation, hindi aabot ng ganito."

"Wala ka naman kasalanan doon. I was just trying to help."

He pouted his lips. He looks so cute right now.

"Kahit na, Ivan. Kung ginalingan ko siguro ang pag-aaral ko at araw-araw akong pumasok, hindi naman ako pagagawin ng special project na iyon."

"We have our own circumstances." Ivan squeezed my hand more. "Alam ko namang may nararamdaman kang hindi maganda dahil sa kondisyon mo."

I wanted to let go of his hand. Sabay kaming napatingin sa mga kamay namin. But I felt him squeezing it more. I decided to keep my hand locked with his.

If only he knew the things I did during my absence, sigurado akong siya ang unang bibitiw sa kamay ko sa mga oras na ito.

"Yuki! Hoy Yukihero-no-baka! Are you even listening?" Na-realize ko na lang na kanina niya pa ako tinatawag when he started holding my chin.

His face is too close. Napalunok ako, "W-what?"

"Sabi ko, may rainbow!"

"Ha?"

With his hand still under my chin, he moved my head to face the sky.

"See!" Ivan let go of my head.

On top of us is a double rainbow. Perfectly shaped, with all it's colors very visible from where we are.

It started to rain a little, and together with the bright sunlight, the water from the air acted like a prism, breaking the white light into those distinct seven colors.

"Ang ganda," bulong ko.

"Oo, just like your heart," he whispered. Kala naman niya hindi ko maririnig.

When I turned to him, he was already smiling at me.

But...

Looking at him really breaks my heart.

I was hoping that I could tell him the truth. In those seven colors above us, I could only see five.

I could no longer perfectly see the colors red and indigo.

My condition is worsening. What I have is now has resulted to another infection that has been affecting my eyes.

My vision is not as good as it was.

Someday, I will no longer see the rainbow—not even a shed of light.

Hindi ko siya puwedeng mahalin. Pagnawala na ako sa tabi niya, tatandang mag-isa si Ivan Boselli.