IVAN

There were so many things in this universe that I have yet to discover. Isa na rito ay kung paano binibiyayaan ng kalawakan ang mga tao ng talento. May ilan na siguro ay ipinanganak nang mahusay sa isang larangan. While others had to learn things as they grew in order to become geniuses in their art.

Napakaraming misteryo sa universe. One of which was how something would turn out to be a masterpiece. Kung paano ang isang bagay na ginawa mo ay magugustuhan pala ng lahat. Hindi lang ng mga tao sa henerasyon mo kundi sa mga susunod pa. Like, how would artists come up with concepts that would serve as their imprint for centuries to come?

How did Leonardo da Vinci come up with the Monalisa? Ano ba talaga ang totoong itsura ng mga kamay ng Venus De Milo? Or why do people adore the Eiffel Tower so much compared to regular electric pylons?

Mula noong napagpasyahan kong obserbahan ang mga bagay kesa laging maglabas ng opinyon, unti-unti kong mas nakikilala ang kalawakan. Mali. Mas maganda sigurong sabihin na mas lalo kong nakikilala ang sarili ko.

I've learned that I could draw best in two conditions. One, in total silence, where my imagination takes over my entire head. Minsan, nagugulat na lang ako na kusang gumagalaw ang mga kamay ko, until I finally drew a masterpiece. Kaya minsan, kapag ako lang ang nasa kuwarto, sa gabi ako gumuguhit. I get inspiration from silence. My head held an infinite number of universes that only I can discover. And I likethat.

The second condition was when there's a certain song that has been playing in my ear. Kumukuha ako ng inspirasyon sa bawat ritmo ng kantang pinapakinggan ko. Humuhugot rin ako ng motibasyon sa mga linya ng awiting nilikha ng ibang tao upang iparating sa kalawakan. Ako naman, I would interpret those songs in my art.

Any of the two conditions works for me.

Sa tatlong araw na panonood ko kay Yuki at sa kapareha niya, napakarami ko nang naiguhit na sketch ni Yuki habang sumasayaw. Iba't ibang posisyon halos lahat.

There were some drawings of him in our school uniform. His ID lace was dangling in the air while he was dancing a waltz.

I also drew him wearing a prince's costume with a cute crown on top of his head and a cape behind his back. Magarbong kasuotan ng isang prinsipe habang nakasuot ng ice skates habang umiikot sa yelo on one leg at nakataas ang isa pa.

There was even a drawing of him as an astronaut dancing in the galaxy while he was doing some breakdancing as he floated in space.

Itong iginuguhit ko ngayon ay mukha siyang male pixie fairy na sumasayaw sa ilalim ng mga bulaklak ng puno na sinisilungan ko.

I was lost in my head again.

"A, e, Ivan?" tawag ni Angel sa akin. Yuki's dance partner's name was Angel. Yuki was not good at introducing people to each other. I just had my ways of knowing people.

"Ano 'yon, Angel?" tawag ko as I set aside my sketchpad.

"You know my name?" Hindi 'ko sigurado, pero para siyang nahihiya sa akin. Itinatago niya ang ngiti niya. Hindi niya ako matingnan sa mata.

"Yeah, I saw it on your frog keychain on your bag." I gave her a smile. "Are you guys on break?"

"Yes," she said sheepishly. I looked behind her. There, I found Yuki sitting on the grass habang nakatungkod sa mga kamay niya. He was looking at us in his unbuttoned shirt.

I looked back at Angel. Umurong ako ng upo para mabigyan siya ng puwesto. "Sorry, hindi kita kinausap agad noong mga nakaraang araw. I've been watching you guys practice for a few days now at hindi man lang kita nilapitan. Wanna join me?"

"Sure." I couldn't help but notice na masaya siyang umupo.

I was just there, quiet. Kung saan-saan ko iginagala ang mga mata ko. I noticed that Angel was fidgeting as if she wanted to tell me something.

"Alam mo ba," I decided to break the ice. "Mahilig rin ako sa frog—"

"Ivan, do you have a girlfriend?" tanong niyang bigla na halos kasabay lang ng sinabi ko. Halos malaglag ako sa inuupuan namin. Damn, I was just breaking the ice. But she tipped the entire iceberg.

"Ha? B-bakit mo natanong?" nauutal kong tugon.

Hindi siya makasagot. She looked stiff but was fidgeting with her hands. Tuwing nahuhuli ko siyang nakatingin ay mabilis siyang umiiwas.

Then it hit me—her eyelashes batting, her biting her lips, and that blush on her face.

O, shoot! I knew that look. I fucking knew that look.

I've been trying my best not to standout at medyo pinahaba ko na rin ang buhok ko para hindi nila mapansin ang mukha ko pero mukhang may nagkakainteres pa rin sa akin.

My tatay was very handsome. He got that a lot, ever since he was a teenager. My tatay's friends would always adore me dahil parang carbon copy daw ako ng tatay ko. I tried my best not to look like him—different hairstyle, different choice of clothes—at pati pamumuhay ko ay binago ko na.

Pero ngayon, may mga tao pa rin palang magkakainteres sa itsura kong ito.

To calm her down, ay sinagot ko na rin si Angel, "I'm single."

She batted her eyes faster. Maputi si Angel. With my answer, mabilis na namula ang tenga niya.

"Ahm," bulong niya. "Can—can I have your number?"

"Why?"

"Because I like you. Matagal na kitang crush, Ivan."

Darn it!

The last girl I turned down last month cried her heart out. Na-labelan pa akong womanizer at pinutakte ng comments ang mga public pictures ko on my social media account.

Napatingin ako kay Yuki sa malayo. Nakaupo na siya nang maayos. He had his arms crossed, habang nakatitig sa direksyon ko.

"I appreciate that, Angel," panimula ko.

I looked at her with my utmost sincerity. I decided to be careful with my words. Right now, she was presenting her heart to me. At sa mga oras na ito, her heart was in a very fragile state.

"Bihira lang ang nagkakagusto sa akin. Lalo na sa ugali ko, suwerte na ako dahil may mga kagaya mong malakas ang loob na i-pursue ako. I'm really in cloud nine right now knowing that you like me. But the thing is, I don't feel like I'm ready to love anyone yet, dahil sa dami ng pinagdadaanan ko."

I was an asexual. I was also a little aromantic. I just couldn't find myself liking her at all. So I told her the truth. The last thing I needed was a partner who had to deal with the demons in my head too. I wanted to heal myself first before allowing another person to enter my life. I liked Emerald, yes. But what I felt for her was admiration. I didn't know her personally, but I liked how she presented herself whenever I saw her. And besides, tatay liked her for me. Ang alam ko lang ay maganda siya at pinsan siya ni Andi.

Hindi agad nakasagot si Angel. Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin ko kay Yuki na tila pinagmamasdan kami sa malayo.

"I understand," Angel finally said. She gave me a smile. The kind of smile na makikita mo sa mga batang hindi isinali ng mga kalaro niya sa langit lupa.

Crap, I felt bad!

"Please tell me now if I hurt you," sabi ko bigla. "I really don't mean it, I swear."

Angel started sobbing. Aligaga akong naghanap ng panyo. I fucking didn't know what to do. Kusang gumalaw ang mga kamay ko to bring her to my arms. She started crying on my chest.

I turned to Yuki who suddenly stood up habang pinapagpag ang puwet niya mula sa damo. He was about to take a step towards us when Angel moved away from my arms at sinimulang ayusin ang sarili niya.

There was something that had been pulling my head in Yuki's direction. Hindi ko alam kung ano. Yuki went back to his seat. Nakapalumbaba siya habang pinapanood kami sa malayo.

Ngayon ko lang ulit nakita na magkasalubong ang mga kilay niya.

"You know what?" aniko kay Angel. The girl was still sobbing. I had to do something. "I'll give you my number so we can be friends."

Mabilis pa sa alas dose nang hugutin niya ang cell phone niya at siya na mismo ang naglagay sa contacts menu. I put in my number and dialed my phone so I could save hers too.

"Thank you," she squeeled. Akmang yayakapin niya ulit ako, pero nag-alangan siya. "Can I?"

"Sure," I said with a huge smile on my face.

I tried my best not to look in Yuki's direction because I could feel a freezing stare coming from him.

Crush ba niya si Angel? Oo, iyon nga siguro.

"You said you like green frogs too, right?" tanong ni Angel. I nodded my head. Mabilis niyang inalis ang keychain niyang palaka at ibinigay sa akin. "You can have this."

"Thank you." I was smiling while holding it. "Sorry, wala akong maibibigay sa iyo."

"Nah, becoming your friend is enough for me. Walang-wala nga itong keychain ko kumpara sa binigay mo."

I tapped her head. I gave her another smile.

Then, I heard some random music booming from the direction of the speaker owned by Yukihero Azukawa. Ito 'yong speaker na ginagamit nila to practice.

"Angel! Tara na! Back to practice!" sigaw ni Yuki.

Was Yuki mad or something?

Nakatayo si Yuki habang nilalakasan lalo ang speaker at tinatawag ang kapareha niya.

Angel ran off, smiling while waving at me. I could still feel that chill in the air as I watched Yuki dart his eyes at me.

Natapos ang araw na iyon, with me having to draw Yukihero in another costume. Sa drawing ko, he was doing a vogue dance while wearing the costume of an ugly frog habang nakabusangot gaya ng itsura niya kanina.

***

I aimed to talk to Yuki after my class. We were coming home from different classes that day. But I knew that we'll be out at the same hour. Medyo na-late na ako nang marating ko ang gate ng Eastampton. Gladly, I still spotted Yuki walking a few meters away from me.

"Yuki!" sigaw ko para tumigil siya sa paglalakad.

Lumingon siya saglit sabay inirapan lang ako.

"May toyo ata ampotek," I whispered. "Hintayin mo 'ko. I have something for Kite!"

Hindi niya ako pinapansin!

Binilisan niya lalo ang paglalakad. Hindi siya tumatakbo at wala rin ako sa mood na kumaripas. We were just brisk walking through the crowds na mukhang mga cartoon characters sa Tom and Jerry.

"Hoy! Azukawa!" Last name basis na 'ko pero hindi pa rin niya ako nililingon. Lalong binilisan ni gago. "Unggoy!"

He kept walking.

We reached the front of a nearby market. Hinihingal na 'ko when I saw Yuki suddenly stopped few feet in front of me. Napayuko ako dahil sa sobrang hingal.

He was talking to an old man. Yuki gave him money, and the old man handed him a big cage filled with birds. Mga maya siguro.

Then, Yuki walked slowly. This time, hindi ko na siya hinabol. I was just walking a few meters behind him.

I followed him quietly until we reached a nearby pond. Hapon na at maririnig ang mga palakang kumokokak sa buong paligid. Maayos ang lugar na ito at puno ng puno. The air was so fresh, malayo sa mga dumadaang sasakyan at wala gaanong poste ng kuryente.

Nakatayo siya sa gilid ng pond, facing the water. I stood next to him.

"Yukihero—"

"Shh."

Yuki was smiling. Hindi na siya mukhang galit. But he was focused on the cage he was holding. Siguro nasa kulang bente ang laman na ibon ng kulungang iyon.

I observed him. Nagsimulang mabuo ang mga kuro-kuro sa utak ko.

What will he do with all these birds?

Will he resell them for a greater price?

Or baka iuuwi niya sa bahay nila?

The birds were making an enigmatic sound. There is a term for that in Japanese. Ah, chidori! Ito iyong tawag sa tunog ng thousand of birds chirping at the same time

My mind was busy thinking about how he would make a better profit from the birds that he brought from the old man. Napakaraming input ng utak ko. Mga marketing strategies on how to sell them and at least earn a few hundred thousand if he would make content out of the birds in social media.

Then Yukihero Azukawa, the man that he was, did something that was nowhere near those things in my head.

He opened the bird cage. He freed the birds.

Kasabay ng pagbukas niya sa kulungan ng ibon ay ang paglaho ng mga ulap sa ulo ko.

"You guys are free," bulong ni Yuki.

I was there, looking at Yukihero Azukawa, he was like a painting.

The bronze sunset behind him made a perfect silhouette of a boy looking at the sky.

The smile he made while watching the birds flee outside that big cage was brighter than the golden hour.

The loud sound of chidori was starting to fade as the birds flew up into the orange clouds.

Then I felt my heart beat fast.

It was like pumping every drop of blood from my aorta with great momentum.

Then Yuki turned at me.

He flashed his gorgeous, gummy smile, and I couldn't stop staring at him. And again, the happiness on his face made it impossible for me to see his eyes.

Grabe.

I guessed I owed Angel an apology. Mukhang may babawiin ako sa sinabi ko sa kanya kanina habang magkatabi kami sa ilalim ng puno.

Siguro...kahit madami ang pinagdadaanan ko...

I was ready to fall in love with a guy named Yukihero Azukawa.