It has been more than a month since Jungkook's college started. He has been having hard time managing his studies and his attacks as well. There are times he skip meals cause he ends up throwing it up anyways, cause everytime he looks at himself in the mirror all he sees is his own ugly self, that reflection is just pathetic. He goes to gym regularly but to him it seems like he is still not in good shape. He has made no friends cause he has no time for anyone. His own brother has came to check on him several times, even Yoongi calls him every other day. But they all just check on him due the episode he had in summer, its funny his own brother does not even know about it. Jungkook has no roommate yet, so he had the dorm all to himself. That means he does not have to hold his urges back. He met Taehyung twice again, since they live on same floor... but he did not talk much neither did ever Jungkook made any effort. But the memories of the other night kept bothering him.

At the moment, Jungkook is trying to complete his assignments but his mind is buzzing with his usual thoughts. He usually studies at library but it is closed earlier than weekdays as it is saturday.He initially thought music might help him concentrate. But the songs reminded him about someone so much that he is now back into his abysss of darkness. Jungkook knows that he was cheated on but does that mean... he is really that unworthy. Is his life about being the heir to an empire? Why does no one accept him as he is? Jungkook shakes his head trying to get these everyday thoughts out of his mind. He can reason all of them but his own heart does not want to believe his own reasons. One can never lie to himself... but Jungkook does not even know which one is the lie and which one is the truth. A bit can't hurt, he thinks and gets up to go to bathroom to get the blade. He does not have to hold back anyways cause no one would even know... no one even cares. The pain has become his best companion. In summer, he was forced to leave Busan, since his parents thought change of scenery would help. He stayed at Yoongi's place, the elder is already into his family business. Yoongi is like a pillar for Jungkook, as he saw right through Jungkook's reasons as so why he did what he did. But Jungkook could not believe him enough to tell him about his sexuality so he keeps it secret... and with time Jungkook found himself lying every night with stacks of secrets and pile of lies he hid them with. It was getting suffocating for him as Yoongi would keep close watch on Jungkook, he would always notice his excessive clothings and eating less than usual, and as much as Jungkook appreciated this care... he felt pathetic. Pathetic because he is always being cared for out of sympathy... sympathy for a boy who tried to kill himself... sympathy for a boy with low self esteem... pathetic as he was always a charity case. And he won't be the one living on someone's sympathy anymore, he would rather suffer his entire life.

He looks at the blade in his hand, he does not like the pain, to be honest he just likes how this pain takes his thoughts away, he likes to see the red of his blood and buzzing sensation of his wounds rather than the dark abyss of memories. He is about to make a cut when there is a knock on his door and he drops the blade, well Jungkook never gets visiters except for his brother. He immediately rushes to open the door not forgetting to close the door to his room. The dorm has two separate rooms and a small hall with space for kitchen in one corner and and a table to eat and chairs. Jungkook opens door to see his cousin there.

"Yoongi Hyung!" Jungkook exclaims wondering why his brother is suddenly here. The elder is always busy due to him having to work at his fathers company along managing his own studies.

"Hey Kiddo!" Yoongi ruffles Jungkook's hairs a bit and enters the room as Jungkook closes the door behind them. Yoongi seetles himself on one of the chairs on dining table. "How are you doin?" Yoongi asks. Well Yoongi is not the one to make small talks.

"I'm fine hyung" Jungkook mumbles knowing why Yoongi is asking so. They stay quiet, the silence is tense cause Yoongi is staring at Jungkook as if he is the most fascinating thing he has ever come across and Jungkook is feeling slightly uncomfortable under his stare. "So what brings you here?" Jungkook asks trying to break the tension.

"You look thinner" Yoongibsimply states as if he is writing down a mental observation. "Did you eat?" He asks.

"Its not my dinner time yet hyung" Jungkook answers. He was not planning on eating, he has gained weight in past week and he does not have time to go to gym as often due to uni stuff.

"Are you starving yourself again?" Yoongi asks more like stating the fact, he always saw through the younger. Jungkook has always been transparent and Yoongi most certainly has noticed the dark circles around his eyes and slight redness in younger's eyes.

"NO" Jungkook says it loudly than intended. He can hear a small sigh leave elder's mouth. Jungkook looks up when he feels a hand on his shoulder, Yoongi is looking in his eyes as if studying whatever wars they are holding in. Jungkook wants to just hug his brother and cry, but how can he after the castle of lies he has built.

"You can tell me anything Kook" Yoongi says as if he could read Jungkook's mind. And unexpectedly Jungkook finds himself enveloped in a tight embrace, the elder is never openly affectionate. Yoongi lets go off Jungkook after few moments. "Well I came here to fetch you. We are going to a club" Yoongi informs him.

"No!" Jungkook immediately refused.

"Why?" Yoongi asks with one of his eyebrow perked up.

"I have to sudy" Jungkook is looking for reasons and he is failing at it miserably.

"Its weekend and You are coming" Yoongi deadpans in an authorative voice and Jungkook knows he has no other choice.

So Jungkook soon finds himself heading towards the club. He is going all black. He is wearing a black leather jacket over black t-shirt and black tight jeans which hugs his legs a little too tight.



(Imagine him wearing this without the beanie, mask and bag)



His outfit is showing his muscles perfectly. He does not have much weight but his workout sure has given him a toned and well built body. Yoongi is staring at him amusedly.

"Why are you smiling like that hyung?" Jungkook has been feeling uncomfortable because of his hyung smirking at him every once in a while.

"Someone is getting laid tonight" Yoongi snickers. Jungkook has been literally forced into this outfit by his brother who is currently teasing him. He does not reply, cause for one he is not interested in girls and secondly he doea not do one night stands.

They soon reach a club. Yoongi gets him in easily and as soon as they enter, Jungkook is met with blaring music. He has been to club many times with Kihyun when his parents weren't home. It is bringing back his many unwanted memories. He follows Yoongi who is headed straight for the bar and order some drinks.

"Namjoon is here too" Jungkook looks in direction Yoongi is looking at, there is Namjoon with his arms around another tall guy. Jungkook could simply not take his eyes off the new male, he is breathtakingly handsome. They both are swinging with Namjoon holding other bu waist and the new guy, who is slightly shorter than Namhoon has wrapped his arms around taller's neck. They are looking sensual and Jungkook can feel something in his stomach turn from a familiar feeling. Yoongi seems to have noticed this.

"Namjoon is bi, thats his boyfriend there" Yoongi explains. Jungkook is taken aback by how frank Yoongi is about his friend being in relationship with a guy. He looks again at Namjoon and his boyfriend. Their eyes holds love, none could look away from other's eyes. He frowns at the memories of similar moments starts to flood his mind.

"I don't look at it as unnatural Kook, its love afterall. Its beyond any boundaries. And I would really not appreciate if someone would look down upon my friends just because of their preferences" Yoongi's tone is colder now. Jungkook stares at his brother who has somewhat cold expression on his face, something that says he is clearly angered by something but this is also something Jungkook has never heard from Yoongi for himself. He looks again at the couple on dance floor, surprisingly they are not the only gay couple out there. Jungkook looks at his brother who is drinking down his beer who has suddenly withdrawn himself from any kinda conversation. Jungkook gulps few sips from his own drink and looks around the club, it never interested him that much. His attention is grabbed by anothe pair on the dance floor, Jimin and Taehyung. They both are dancing to the beat and surprisingly Jimin is dancing like a pro while Taehyung is just swaying and trying to catch with his friends.





Taehyung's clothes were rather simple but he was sure eye catching, Jungkook could not take his eyes off the other male. He could see many other checking the two males out with lustful eyes. Jimin whispered something in Taehyung's ears and he turned to look at Jungkook who almost choked on his drink at how beautiful Taehyung looked. Taehyung waved at him and the pair walked towards them.

"Hi!" Taehyung says with a boxy smile on his face that left Jungkook speechless.

"H-Hi!" Jungkook mentally kicked himself for stuttering.

"Are they your friends?" Yoongi nudges Jungkook who is having a hard time forming coherent thoughts.

"Oh hyung! Yes" Jungkook answers awkwardly.

"I am Min Yoongi, Jungkook's cousin" Yoongi extends his hand to Jimin even though Taehyung is standing nearer.

"Park Jimin" Jimin shakes it lightly letting their hand linger longer than usual.

"I am Kim Taehyung" Taehyung extends his hand to Yoongi who shook his hand. Taehyung looks at Jungkook who was still a bit shocked after being catched at his act of checking out the certain male standing in front of him. Jungkook can feel Taehyung's eyes on him but he can not bring himself to speak, he still remember the other night clearly and he could not help himself from frowning.

"We should leave now I guess" Taehyung says after a while staring at Jungkook . That catches others attention who were already having their own conversation.

"But its too early, I want to hang around for a while more" Jimin says making a puppy face.

"We... okay fine" Taehyung says sounding rather frustrated than how he was few minutes ago.

Jimin and Yoongi keep drinking more and more whilst laughing at silly things, letting their touches last longer, Jimin kept blushing and giggling at elder's comments. They sure are not holding back. Jungkook is even more surprised to find his brother is bi too. Meanwhile Taehyung keeps his distance from Jungkook. Yoongi and Jimin are already wasted now with Taehyung just slightly drunk, while Jungkook has a strong alcohol resistance. Yoongi and Jimin want to dance and heads for dance floor making it more of a make out session. Jungkook sighs heavily before gulping down rest of his beer. He looks at Taehyung who turn his face to other side as soon as Jungkook meets his eyes.

Was he staring?

"How you been?" Jungkook tries to start a conversation but he knows he is really bad at it.

"Fine, I guess" Taehyung replies curtly, this grabs Jungkook's attention. Taehyung is never this cold.

"Are you mad cause I was staring?" He asks thinking about why Taehyung suddenly went cold when he greeted Jungkook warmly just a while ago. Taehyung looks back at him with unbothered cold eyes.

"I don't want to be a bother when it is clear that you are avoiding me" Taehyung says, Jungkook is clueless.

When has he avoided Taehyung?

"I... I did not avoid you" Jungkook says still trying to figure out what he did to make other think that he is avoiding him.

"You don't even coherently talk to me when we meet at dorm, you were frowning when I came here, and from how you are looking at Yoongi hyung and Jimin it is clear you don't like it" Taehyung states his reasons which take Jungkook aback, especially the last one. But there is more as Taehyung continues, "You saw me and Hyun the other day at dorm s-so I a-assumed that y-you don't..." Taehyung does not complete the sentence instead he gulps down the remaining drink. Jungkook is stunned. He did not expect that, Taehyung knows he saw them but still he did not treat Jungkook awkwardly. Jungkook feels guilt creeping his mind as he did not even try to help him when it was clear the act was not consentful. "I don't expect you to barge in, its not your problem anyway" Taehyung continues drinking.

Jungkook tries to process what happened seconds ago in his mind.

Did Taehyung just assumed him to be homophobic?

He feels like laughing at it. His life is a real irony. He looks at his cousin on dance floor enjoying himself and then to where Namjoon was, but he is not there anymore. Then back at Taehyung who is drinking himself away. And there he laughs, laughs at himself and his ironic situation, him homophobic, he sure is a laughing stock and pathetic.

"Whats so funny?" Taehyung asks bitterly.

"I am ironic and its funny. Well just to let you know I was not frowning at any of you. Damn! I am not straight myself!" And Jungkook laughs trying to hold back his urge to cry or to just close his eyes and not wake up at all.

Taehyung just stares at him, his eyes looking warmer and sad as he look at Jungkook.

"I-I am sorry" Taehyung says apologetically. "I just assumed. I should know better I am really sorry"

"Its alright Taehyung" Jungkook says. Who said this club thing was a good idea? This is only pulling him deeper into his abyss. But why is he lamenting over someone who never loved him anyway. Pathetic.

"So why don't you ever talk to me?" Taehyung asks pulling Jungkook out of his trance.

"I am just not good at conversations, thats all" Jungkook simply states. Jungkook is never the one to endulge himself in needless talks, he is warm towards people he know and thats how conversations are easy for him when they are around. But to unknown, he certainly has many trust issues.

"Is that why you spend all of your day in library?" Taehyung asks gulping down another drink. Jungkook looked at him with his doe eyes and Taehyung smiles. "I also go there often and I see you there all the time" Taehyung answered Jungkook's unspoken question. Jungkook surely has seen the blonde at library many times and perhaps sometimes with his said boyfriend but he is not the one to approach.

"Yeah. I can avoid unwanted attention once I am in library" Jungkook says it so simply as if it does not even bother him but it does. He had once been lively too and now he can't even speak few words without feeling pathetic about himself. He looks at Taehyung who has tints of red on his cheek by hiw much he has drank and is looking directly into his eyes as if trying to study his wars. Jungkook awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. Taehyung is about to say something but their attention is moved by two familiar bodies still hanging onto each other's slam themselves on chair besides. Taehyung and Jungkook both know if they won't stop them now they will surely fuck right infront of everyone and none think it is a good idea. So Jungkook succeeds in prying his elder from the other male by saying he has a phone call as Yoongi was always very considerate towards his work and Taehyung pries Jimin off by faking a stomach ache. But they only manages to get them both out of the club as both adults are not at all letting go of each other. To their relief at least they were not making out but just holding each other. Jungkook is unable to hold back smile from spreading on his lips, he never knew his grumpy hyung has this kinda soft side too.

"You are so cute" Taehyung pinches his cheeks, Jungkook can see his cheeks are redder than how they were a while ago.

"And you are drunk too?" Jungkook sighs. Now he had to drive the three drunk males back home.

"Nope. M not drunk.I can carry chimmy" Taehyung says proudly "I am strong!"

"Sure you are tiger now lets get them in car ok?" Jungkook led all three to Yoongi's car. He surely can't take this three drunk men back to dorm without getting noticed so he decides to drive to Yoongi's house. But the main problem is that Jimin and Yoongi are cuddling now in the back seat leaving no space in between them and Taehyung is not getting in car.

"Taehyung get in please" Junkook pleads.

"I don't like cars" Taehyung huffs and sit down in the parking lot.

"Please! We can not stay the night on street can we?" Jungkook tries to reason but Taehyung shakes his head. Jungkook is losing braincells now. First the other two sitting in the car were being stubborn now Jungkook also has to deal with the person he has only met few times and he has to remind himself that he is not entirely a stranger. How could he do that? Especially when the familiar stranger is having teary eyes when told to simply get in the car. "At least tell me why you don't want to get in, so we can see what we can do, alright?"

Taehyung seems to be in thought for a while.

"They hurt people" Taehyung said in small voice, and Jungkook has no idea what he is referring to. But he has to get the boy in car so he sits besides Taehyung.

"I am here Taehyung, I promise the car won't hurt anyone" Jungkook has taken Taehyungs palm and clasped it with his own two. Taehyung looks at their hands and then at Jungkook, Jungkook can clearly tell that alcohol is bringing his memories to surface, he has experienced it too and Taehyung's eyes sure hold much more than what boy shows. After few moments of staring at Jungkook Taehyung gets into the car.

The drive back is silent as the couple in back had brief make out session before passing out, Taehyung covering his eyes until they passed out while keeping tight hold onto Jungkook's arm. Jungkook can only imagine what the boy must be suffering through so he entwines his fingers with Taehyung's.

(Yoongi's house. He lives here alone as his parents live in Daegu)

By time he reaches Yoongi's mansion all the male are sleeping so he goes in to fetch servants to help him. They carry Yoongi and Jimin upstairs to Yoongi's room and Jungkook carry Taehyung to his. He is having a bad headache from all the drama. He goes to check upon Yoongi and Jimin who are cozily sleeping so he heads back to his own room only to find Taehyung awake but not quite conscious and Jungkook seems to have sensed what was coming as he hurries Taehyung to bathroom but Taehyung vomits on floor and a bit on Jungkook before passing out into vomit dirtying his clothes along. Jungkook's day could not get any worse or so he thought as Taehyung pukes multiple times whenever he is awaken by a nightmare. Jungkook peels down Taehyung's dirty clothes off him amd cleans his sweat with wet cloth.He is so emersed in caring for Taehyung that he does not realise when he passes out next to Taehyung's half naked self.

~~~

Sorry for late update. So I m gonna dive into Taekook past for a while but we will surely be back to present soon. I have been having few issues lately so I could not update frequently. Thank you all for reading this far and being patient with me. I know this chapter is a bit boring.
If you guys have any suggestions for me I would like to hear them.

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