Chapter 22

                Closing my eyes, I allowed for the aching pain in my chest to take over my heart.

                I’ve never experienced what it was like for my heart to get broken before. I’d never thought that the term ‘heartbroken’ actually meant getting your heart shattered into millions of pieces. But, the second I turned away from Jace tonight, I confirmed it for myself. Taking no more than three steps away from Jace, I felt my heart being stomped on brutally. I could hear my heart cracking on the inside, literally tearing me apart as I cried uncontrollably.

Part of me hated Jace for causing me this grief, but at the exact same time, I blamed myself for not being stronger- for not knowing how to control my emotions.

                “You okay?” Julianne asked as she came back into her bedroom with two steaming mugs. She handed me one before sitting beside me at the edge of her bed. “It’s your favorite, green tea.”

                I wrapped my fingers around the mug for warmth. I stared up from my hands, giving Julianne the best smile I could possibly muster. After I fled George Collins’ party earlier that night, I came straight to Julianne’s house. She didn’t question why I was knocking on her door at one in the morning, wearing a party dress and crying my eyes out. Julianne simply wrapped her arms around me before directing me inside her house.

                “I’ll be fine.” My voice was still croaky. “Thanks.”

                Julianne rolled her eyes, placing her palm over mine. “You don’t have to thank me.” She scoffed. “This is nothing compared to everything that you’ve done for me before. I’m just slowly paying back my dues.”

                I released a chuckle, thankful for such an amazing best friend. Julianne still had the ability to make me laugh, despite our current situation. I was absolutely sure that she was the only one who had any chance in cheering me up right now. “God, I’m so lucky to have you.” I sighed.

                Julianne gave me a small smile, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. “Are you ready to tell me what happened at that party now?” she asked quietly. “It’s okay if you aren’t.”

                I nodded, closing my eyes I recollected myself. I was no longer crying now- the tears had stopped after an hour of nonstop waterworks. But, it didn’t mean that I wasn’t still hurting, because I was. I still felt numb all over, except for my heart. My heart was in unbearable pain. I told Julianne everything- all the way from my mother informing me about George’s New Year’s party to me telling Jace that the two of us should pretend like we’ve never met one another.

                By the end of it, Julianne had her arms around me as she engulfed into a bone crushing hug. “I’m so sorry, Everly.” She whispered. “You didn’t deserve to be surprised like that. Jace is an idiot and he should’ve told you, at least.”

                I sighed, burying my face into the crook of Julianne’s neck. “I’ll be okay.”

                Julianne pulled away from me, frowning. “This isn’t fair.” She said angrily. “Ryan should’ve told you. I don’t care if he was going to last minute, he should’ve told you from the start. This is so fucked up, Everly. They practically planned a fucking sneak attack on you!”

                “Don’t be mad at Ryan.” I told Julianne as her eyes faltered. “I don’t want to drag you into this. I’m sorry.”

                Julianne sighed, giving me a weak smile. “Why are you apologizing, Everly?” she shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

                I stared down at my hands, shrugging. I thought back to Jace’s face and how broken he looked when I told him that the two of us should forget one another. I frowned suddenly, wondering if I would ever trust Jace again.

Was it my fault for not taking enough caution?

Was it my fault for handing him my heart only to have it smashed into pieces when it was returned?

*

                “… I don’t know what happened, George.” I heard my mother say in a hushed tone. “She’s barely come out of her room since New Years, and I can’t remember the last time I saw her eat. Do you think she’s upset because of us?”

                I slowly crept down the staircase, stopping when I heard my mother over the phone with George. My heart immediately sunk as guilt surged through me. The last thing I wanted was for either George or my mother to worry about me and blame themselves. 

                “I’ve tried talking to her but she just won’t-,” Once my mother saw me entering the kitchen, she immediately stopped talking, “I’ll call you later, George.” I sat down on a stool, leaning my elbows against the counter as my mother turned to me with a smile. “Are you hungry, hon? Do you want me to make you some breakfast?”

                I shook my head. “I’m not hungry, but thanks.”

                My mother released a sigh, taking a seat in the empty stool across from me. “Everly, what happened?” she asked softly. “What happened at that New Year’s party?”  

                I bit my lower lip, shifting my eyes off to the side. I couldn’t look at my own mother directly in the eyes and lie to her- she would see right through me. “Nothing happened, mom.”

                “Is it George and I?” my mother asked with worried eyes, leaning over to hold my hands. “I assure you, Everly, if you don’t like the idea of George and I together, I will break things off with him. You come first.”

                “Mom, it’s not about you and George. Don’t worry.” I assured.

                “Then can you please tell me why you’ve been so down lately?” she asked, frowning with concern. “Are you and Julianne arguing?”

                “We aren’t fighting, mom.” I sighed. “I don’t really want to talk about it. Can we please drop this?”

                My mother looked at me with hesitation in her eyes before nodding slowly. She gave my hands a tight squeeze before reaching in her back pocket. My mother handed me my cell phone across the counter. “You left this in my car at the night of the party. I just found it this morning, but it’s been buzzing nonstop.” She got up from her stool, grabbing her purse. “I’m off to work now. Call me if you need anything.”

                I nodded, staring at my phone just as the screen lit up, letting me know that someone just texted me. “Okay,” I said, “thanks, mom.”

                My mother gave me a sad smile before waving. “I’ll see you tonight, hon.”

               Once I heard the sound of my mother’s car pulling out of the driveway, my fingers slowly itched towards my phone. I held the device in my palms before unlocking it with my pass code. My eyes widened in surprise when I noticed that I had around twenty missed calls and fifty text messages. Almost all of the calls and texts were from Julianne and Ryan. Julianne checked up on me, while Ryan tried to apologize profusely. Just when I thought that Jace didn’t even have to decency to call me, I saw his name written in bold.

                Jace Wasson (1) Missed Call.

                I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me until I also opened a text message from him, ‘Call me back when you get this.’ it read simply.

                I didn’t know why, but I felt incredibly disappointed. After everything, all Jace could say was to call him back?

                I pressed my lips together as I clenched onto my phone angrily. I quickly texted back Ryan and Julianne to let them know I was okay before putting my phone away.

                I didn’t want to think about Jace.

*

                I fell asleep later that day, and I didn’t even know my mom got home from work until I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door. “Everly, are you awake?” she asked, poking her head inside the dark room.

                “I am now.” I groaned, rubbing my tired eyes. “Is everything okay?”

                My mother seemed nervous as she gave me a small smile. “I’m sorry to wake you up, but there’s someone who wants to see you.”

                I frowned, fully awake by now. “What?” I muttered. “Who?”

                “Jace.” My mother said slowly, almost as if she was scared to see my reaction.

                I immediately stiffened as I bit the insides of my cheeks. I wasn’t ready to see Jace yet, and even if I was, what gave him the right to come find me at my house? Didn’t I tell him to pretend as if we never met?

                “I don’t want to see him.” I said sternly. “Tell him to leave.”

                “What if he doesn’t want to leave until he gives you an explanation?” a different voice suddenly filled the room as my mother stepped to the side.

Jace came into my vision as my mother shot me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, hon. He’s very persuasive.”

                I rolled my eyes, refusing to look Jace in the eye. “Thank you, Mrs. Winter.” He said to my mother. “I can take it from here.”

                My mother smiled in return before closing the door behind her, leaving me with Jace. I almost wanted to scream and demand for her to stay just so Jace and I wouldn’t have to be alone in my bedroom together.

                “Everly-,” Jace started off.

                I didn’t even give him a chance to finish his sentence before I cut him off abruptly. “What?” I snapped. “What do you want?”

                Jace stepped closer to me, much to my dismay. I crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly, pressing my lips together in a tight from to prevent myself from spitting out curses. “I wanted to explain about what happened at that New Year’s party.” Jace started off, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “You never gave me a chance to explain.”

                “Oh, like you deserve the chance to explain.” I muttered sarcastically. “You know, you have a lot of nerve to show up to my house? Who does that? What made you think that you even had the right to come into my room and manipulate my mother into-.”

                I was interrupted unexpectedly when Jace pressed his lips against mine. My eyes widened at the gesture and it took me a while to realize what was actually going on.

                Jace was kissing me.

                I was paralyzed- I completely lost the ability to respond as Jace continued to kiss me as if he needed to in order to keep his life.

                I was strange because I would’ve never pictured my first kiss to be like this. I never expected it to be with someone who I was so in love with, yet so angry with all at the same time. It was so fucking twisted, but at the same time, the feeling was completely and utterly exhilarating. Without a doubt, I would never exchange anything to alter that moment. No matter how imperfect our situation might’ve been at that very moment, it was the feeling of love and the rush of adrenaline I got that made it so perfect. 

                I never wanted this to end.

                It wasn’t until Jace stopped kissing me that I was brought back into reality. Pulling away from Jace, images of Christiana and him kissing appeared back into my mind. Tears immediately welled up in my eyes as Jace’s eyes went wide with panic. “Everly,” he whispered, holding me gently, “what’s wrong?”

                I pushed Jace off of me with force as he stumbled back a few steps with confusion in his eyes. I glared at him, biting my lips until they bled. I hated that I could still feel his lips on mine. “Why the hell did you do that?”

                Jace’s eyes darkened as his lips parted slightly. “Y-You regret it?” he whispered. “You regret our kiss?”

                I closed my eyes, feeling hot tears roll down my cheeks.

                No, I didn’t regret it.

                “My fucking God, yes I did!” I lied. “You can’t just get back together with Christiana and not tell me then go ahead and kiss me like it’s nothing! You’re such a selfish bastard! You have your cake and your ice cream, but that’s not good enough for you, is it? You just have to have the fucking cookies too! Don’t you know that there are people out there who have none of that?”

                Jace frowned, furrowing his eyebrows together. “Wait, what? Look, Christiana and I aren’t-.”

                Oh great, like I really wanted to hear about him and Christiana.

                “Get out.” I opened the door.

                “What?” Jace asked, eyes wide. “You didn’t even let me explain!”

                I glared at Jace, pushing him out. “I don’t want to hear it!”

                I slammed the door behind me, pressing my back against it as I heard Jace shout my name. “Everly! You’re being unreasonable!” he pounded his fist against the door. “God, let me in!”

                I ignored him, sliding my back down against the door until I was sat on the carpet. I closed my eyes, ignoring Jace’s calls as I pressed my fingers against my lips to where Jace kissed me.

                I didn’t regret Jace’s kiss.

                If anything, I’d want to repeat it- over and over again.