*****Chapter playlist******
Deeper- Alaine

Oakley 'Cench' Caesar-Su
New York, NY
Following morning

Her arms were crossed under her head, and her breathing was even as she slept on her stomach. She's so breath taking, it makes it hard to focus on anything else when she's near. Last night I just couldn't control myself anymore, I needed to taste her and feel her.

I know we should've talked things through first, but she just looked too good in that dress last night. The red lipstick and pointy eyeliner, made it hard to control myself at the charity event. Most of the night I heard almost nothing because I couldn't take my mind off of making her cum all over my dick at the end of the night.

I'm legit just a man. I can't help it.

I loved every second of our love making last night, she was so ethereal in her movements with me. I wanted her to know I was actually remorseful for accusing her of something that really is not in her character. I had no real reason not to trust her, because I was just as to blame for that night as she was. If she said no I would've walked away, but I knew she wouldn't and I took full advantage of that, because I knew I could.

I know there are things I can make her do, and she'd do it without second guessing because it's me and at that time cheating on the dude she was with was just that thing. I am possessive and I am jealous, but it's only because it's her. Truth is, I've seen girls I've fucked talk to other dudes, even dance with other dudes and it never phased me. Most of the time it was comical to me, because they would usually do it as a way to get me jealous and I was never moved.

But with Killian, when men approach her and I can't see anything but filleting the skin from their weak bones. Severing their heads and watch happily as it rolls, or even wear my heaviest timberland boot as I curb stomp them. Because she's mine and I don't like what's mine being touched, bothered, or gawked at. I, realistically couldn't stop the stares though, she was captivating and turned heads when she entered a room, and it wasn't just her physical beauty but like this gravitational pull that lured people in; even if she wasn't trying.

I get up to shower, make her breakfast, and when I was done she was sitting up in her robe and a freshly washed face and glasses. When she notices me she smiles and waves slightly, but then sees I have the tray in my hands. I set the tray down and grab her vanity chair and sit next to her. "Thank you." She smiles at the plate, "Are these the cinnamon sugar waffles?!" She poked her fork at the sugar coated waffle, as I nod she claps lightly.

"God thank you for this meal, and bless the hands that prepared it. Thank you." She says quickly before cutting into a waffle and giving it to me. "You first." And I don't push back allowing her to feed me, it's a bit sweet for my liking but I give her what she wants because I can admit I have not been the best to her these few weeks.

"Thank you." I rub my stomach showing her I've had enough, adorably she eats her food and I can only watch her in content. Bliss, that she didn't leave me.

"You know, I actually am sorry." I inform her, and she gives me the side eye and a cheeky tight lipped smile. "Oh I know." She nods her head, before turning her whole body to me carefully holding the tray. 

Vixen like eyes squinted at me, "That mouth you have is good for a lot more than arguing." And I chuckle at her banter, smacking my lips because if I'm being honest I could start and end my days with her being my meals and be completely content. At this very moment, as I look at her legs my mouth begins to water for the taste of her again. It's sweet and refreshing each and every time, pretty, brown and pink, it's flustering to think about because it's galvanizing.

"I was wrong to accuse you of something not in your character," I'm a bit more serious at this time and her mood matches mine now and it's silent as she twirls the fork in her fingers.

"I only did it because it was you....what about me is so untrustworthy?" She sounds hurt as she asks me the question, but that's not how I wanted her to feel about anything.

"I don't trust other men. It's not you that I don't trust, I don't like how they look at you or talk to you." Shaking my head, my skin crawls at the idea of a man in her face. Angry heat floods my veins because that coworker she had was on the thinnest ice, it was damn near loose leaf paper.

"How do you know that every man is looking at me—" I have to cut her off because as the woman she is, she didn't care to worry about things like that.

"I'm telling you, men look at you." Killian had this awful habit of not seeing what others saw. Where others saw her as an ethereal and enamoring being, she didn't see that. "That man approached you, and even with someone else in hand, stared at you like you were the only person in the room." I outlined the interaction she had with her coworker.

"I'm telling you I don't see them looking at me because I know who I look for, and it's not them. I want you. I want to come home to you, I want to be outside with you, I want everything with you." It's not the first time she's told me this, and I feel like an idiot not being able to understand it.

"I hear you." I nod crossing my arms, watching her eat her sugar waffles. Cheeks full of waffles she waves her finger at me.

"Naughty, naughty." Scrunching her nose, she waves her fork at me. She just so fucking cute, I want to make sure she's forgiven me. I forget that when we're at odds, this is who I miss out on. This goofy, fun, loving soul that just wants me.

God, please show me how to accept her love for me. It's all I need you to show me how to do right now. Please.

"Maybe I am..but do you forgive me?"

"Changed behavior is the best apology." She mutters eating her strawberries.

For me it was how almost every night she still made me dinner, and if she didn't cook still thought about making sure I ate. On the late nights my food would always be packed away, and she'd always make sure and leave a towel in the towel warmer for me. And God knows I was in agony watching her walk around the house in basically nothing, and being so damn prideful I wouldn't say anything to her. But I'd look, and I'd look at the worse times possible for me. Like when she would bend over into the fridge, or if she just finished drying her skin off from a shower and was looking for her underwear and bra. Even when it was time for bed and she'd lay next to me smelling like vanilla and coffee, a fresh face, was torture not to hold her and most nights I had to wake up and just be awake to not automatically roll over and hold her.

I never saw my parents disagree and still live good, me and my brothers were always thrown into the middle of the mix. Most of their arguments were the same, my dad didn't like how my mum drank, and my mum didn't like how inconsistent my dad was. When they were together I remember the walls shaking from slammed doors, my mum crying about how much she couldn't stand my dad, and then her passed out drunk on the couch after calling her girls to chat shit leaving me to care for Calvin and Liam. As the oldest I had to just shut up and make sure they were taken care of. There were days she'd forget to go food shopping , and it'd be enough for just them and I could go without if it meant they were fed and full. Shit only got worse when my dad stopped coming around.

I always had hopes of seeing my parents together as a kid after they first split. It was just me and Cal, I was 9 and he was 1. And from 9 to 15 my dad would come around every once in a while, and that's how Liam happened. The next relationship my mum was in was even worse than her being with dad. I was 15 when she met Eric, and it felt like the worst eight months of my fucking life. If he wasn't dead already I would empty a machine clip into him just for breathing.  He would beat on my mum almost daily, I was hustling a little by then so I had a gun and one night she screamed so loud from him hitting her I pulled it on him.

That's when I knew I could really do this life, that's when I knew I could take the next man's life and not give a single fuck. But my mother jumped in front of the gun as soon as she saw me pull it. She slapped it out of my hand and pushed me all over, yelling at me about how stupid I was. My mother looked at me, in my face while hers began to turn black and blue and told me that she hated me.

I hate you! You're everything like good for nothing Neil!

And behind her Eric stood laughing, and that night I vowed to never let another man laugh at me. For anything. And to get my brothers away from him. That night she kicked me out for good, but when she was sober I could tolerate swinging by and seeing Cal and Liam, the moment Eric walked through the door I grabbed my bag and left. I couldn't count on my dad to pull through so Ommi Wafae took me in and I slept on their couch for only God knows how long. When Eric died, I almost threw a fucking party.... But all my mum did was cry, and I resented her for not seeing that him dying was the best thing to happen to her.

It took years for me to fully get past her telling me she hated me, even if she was drunk that night. I was her child, her son, and she said those words like she meant it.

"O? What's wrong?" Killians hand touches my face, "I'm fine, and yes I understand; changed behavior." I nod, I don't want to talk about it with her so I bury it.

"There's something wrong. You can tell me, I don't want you to go through things alone." Even though I was less than caring with her she always did that for me, and that's why I always wanted her to be the mother to my children.

A complete kind, caring, and gentle being and those were important traits to have in a mother. Because in the end that's how she'll love the children no matter the situation, I guess that's why apart of me didn't like when my dad drew the comparison between her and my mum. Now, I love my mum and can admit it was probably not her best mental or emotional moment, and I loved her regardless because she was my mum, but Killian was completely different and I made sure of that. She would never say awful things to our children if we weren't on good terms, she would never put them in the middle of our bad times, and I know she would never let another man try to raise our child if I'm absent for any reason. It's because with her I could give a little human an amazing life, the things I never had. But I'm home now, and my patience is key.

"I'm okay I promise." Pushing her curly hair out of her face I kissed her forehead and explained I had to go to work.

"Love you, please be safe." She pulls at my shirt collar giving me a kiss. "I mean it." Looking up at me, she looks sincere in her request.

Quickly I look down at my watch, "I'll be home for dinner." Her eyes fall to my lips and she gives me another quick kiss, before wiping her chapstick off of my lips.

"I love you, be back." My departure is quick after I let the boys out to meet her in the room. I said I would be home for dinner, so I had to get my day over with quickly and concisely.

First, I had a three hour long meeting with Harry where he suggested I stay in the philanthropical limelight and I wasn't feeling it. One stuffy event like that a year, I'll keep the donating up though. No problem.

Second, I made myself busy with the clubs out here and a new investment of a dispensary. Busy work, because all the blood and gore is back in London, not giving into my murderous temptations meant I needed to be occupied.

Third, I had to place orders for some things I wanted to get for my wife. There were multiple appointments I had, one with Hermes, another with Goyard, and one more at Dior. Just a few new pieces to apologize for my behavior and just because. After placing the orders there, many of the items having her initials K.A.C.S engraved into it I called to let her know I was on my way home and inquired if she needed anything before I came inside.

As I promised I made it home to her, the hallway and kitchen were filled with the smell of food, and she played music as she cooked. I enter the flat quietly, and ease down the hall as she sings along to the song playing. Peaking around the corner I watch her, Deeper by Alaine played and she was singing her little heart out using the wooden spoon as a mic she pointed it Severus who begins howling and spinning around.

My heart can't handle how amazing she is. How whimsical, funny, and energetic she is. I clear my throat and she jumps, as Severus
and Sir run to me. Rolling her eyes she puts her hand on her hip, "Your dad's home and now nobody wants to sit for my concerts."
I don't have the heart to tell her she does not sound great, because even if it's bad it's one of my favorite sounds. I'd take her bad singing over her silence any given day.

"Well I thoroughly enjoyed it." I reassure her before leaning in for a kiss, which she happily gives me. She's in a very good mood, and I try my best not to question that.

"Thank you. How was your day?" She gives me another quick peck before still holding close, and wiping her chapstick off of my lips. There's a charm to her that entrances me as she looks up at me, because I'm going to give her everything she wants in the world. "Good. Yours?"

"It was okay, my research project got extended so I'm home for another I don't know how many months." She sighed, and sounds displeased and unhappy but I have fireworks of happiness going off in my head.

"Is that good or bad? You sound unhappy." I begin to get ready to settle down, and she shrugs.

"Eh, I just miss the energy of the hospital; chaos and all. I feel useless doing telemedicine, in meetings or trainings, and sending emails, when I could be in there saving lives!" By the end of her rant she's winded and frustrated, going from zero to one hundred in .05 seconds so it is something that's really bothering her.

"Aren't you? Shits a heart study, medication and whatnot?" I wash my hands peeling a tangerine, and pointing to the laptop and textbooks she had tucked away on the kitchen island.

"Yeah babe, and whatnot." She sighs, pushing her hair out of her face. "We've just sacrificed a lot for me to be on the floor, hands on and I'm not being hands on, and I'm definitely not on the floor." And in that sense I can understand her a bit more. She did make a lot of sacrifices for nursing school, that affected us all. Very difficult times, where no one was really themselves. Ameena was a shell of herself without Killian, usually energetic full of laughs and smiles those two years she barely cracked a smirk. And I just went hard in the streets and everything in between, being extremely reckless with my life and disconnecting from everyone.

"I accepted the position because they said I could do both, but one m.d. suggests to the committee that my focus stay on the project—"

"Tristan Newman?" I look up at her from my hunched position, and she looks weary that I mentioned his name.

"Oakley." She says, her voice a low warning tone. Kissing my teeth, "All I did was ask a question man." Rolling her eyes at me she goes back to making dinner, stirring tomato sauce.

"I'll handle it, please I just need you to listen to me complain for a second. No reactions please." Killian practically begs, I'm side eyeing her before giving in to her pleads. Deep down I was pissed, because she knows how I feel about anyone making her feel anyway outside of happy. Could be the Pope, the president, the fucking Queen of England and all their heads would roll.
Killian is the 'if they touch me' type, I'm the 'fuck you say' type, and it proved more difficult than I could imagine.

Just as I go to respond, her laptop begins to ring, "I'll be back, keep eyes on the pasta please." She sighs before taking her laptop into the guest room, nodding as if she can see me I pulled my phone out.

Cench:
Tristan Newman, MD
NYU Langone Hospital
Hack & Track

Boone:
Got it

With a cheeky little smile to myself I put my phone down and watched the pasta as I was asked. Looking around the kitchen, I see pasta sauce, noodles, and breadcrumbs out, and my stomach grumbled because I was talking about this meal yesterday and now she's making it. See, so now I felt like I really had to dispose of this Tristan dick for brains but I can't kill him..yet, so I'd have to settle for shaking his world up a bit.

"Actually Dr. Newman, I'm not done speaking." I hear her voice sternly as I go to steal some tomato sauce, putting my spoon down I put my ear to the door of the guest room. "I'll say this in front of management, but since I've first met you, you've hindered my practicing ability in the emergency room especially when in regard to OB patients. Why is that?" The tone in her question was condescending it made me chuckle to myself, because Killian is the smart ass of all smart asses.

"That is not true—"

"It is though." Another voice says on the call, "And from my understanding it's because you think I'm a— and I quote 'pathetic, know-it-all, try hard little nurse practitioner'...Am I correct?" And he stutters over the line.

Oh. He said all that? Those are killable words, especially when they are being applied to my wife. I pulled the business phone back out, calling a local meeting for the members of Live Yours who resided in the city. I stand there texting the meeting details that I don't hear her open the door and I'm caught, she looks at me and I stare at her and there's a whole minute of us staring at each other with no words, just muted blinks.

"I said watch the pasta not mind my business." She huffed slipping past me to finish dinner, and since she didn't say anything else about me standing there or even what I was texting I wouldn't mention it.

"Was just about to check on you before the guys texted me, that's all." A little lie, because the less she knows the better.

"Go get ready for dinner." Her tone is snappy but I don't take offense to it, "Can I have a kiss first?" Kissing her teeth she stomps over to me before roughly pecking my lips.

"Go dinners almost done." She was being moody because of the meeting she just had, and that to me felt like reason number 3628 to off Nasty Newman. But I followed her requests and showered before joining her back in the dining room, with everything already set she looks at me as I sit at the table."I'm sorry for being mean. I didn't mean it, I will try not to let work affect home." Killian says with all sincerity, and I nod acknowledging her apology.

I shrug, "Bismillah." I bless the food before I begin eating, "I love you, thank you for my food." The food is amazing as usual and our usual routine of cleaning up after dinner, playing with the boys and watching a movie until we fell asleep took place.

The following day I only had the meeting I scheduled and then I was back home for lunch with her. She seemed a little uneasy as we sat at the table, "So has your lawyer said anything?"

"About?" I give her my attention, because to be fair she's not Harry's biggest fan since he asked her if she snitched.

"Are you back home for good?" Her eyes are desperate for me to answer. We've paid our price and I was trying to do the things she's asked of me.

"Yes. I'm home princess." I reassure her, and there's a slight breath of relief she takes and smiles a bit. "We going to Jamaica for a few days, in two weeks." I inform her and she kisses my cheek, "I love you so much." She holds me and I'm just in love with her smile I want to see it all the time and I know she needs this break.

In two weeks time we fly out to Jamaica and she's all smiles the moment we touch down, the villa I rented was one of many for the surprise I had in store for her. Currently we were picking fruits on the property, and there were multiple fruit trees. Mango trees, Jamaican red apple, guinep, and star fruit.

The mangos hung low and were easy to pick, but the rest of the fruits were higher than I could reach. Kneeling down I pat my shoulders, and she looked at me dumbfounded. "Absolutely not."

"Babe, come on." I pull the loop to her shorts and she stumbles toward me before looking at me at the corner of her eye. "Don't drop me." She points in my face, before grabbing my face and kissing me. Wrapping her legs around my shoulders, I stood up carefully.

"My husband is strong." She gloats before reaching up and picking all the fruits we wanted. After we were fruit picking we walked down to the beach and spent a few hours in the sand tanning and then she wanted to play mermaids. As a grown man I'm not playing mermaids but I let her splash me as she pleased and find me sea coins before we came back to the villa and got ready for the night. For dinner the chef made rice and peas, fried chicken, with salad, then for dessert all she wanted was grape nut ice cream.

As we settled down for bed, she keeps kissing me and staring at me. It was a loving stare, like she'd been eager yet nervous to tell me something. Killian reached over and grabbed a little box and handed it to me, "A gift for me?" I'm surprised, and she kisses her teeth.

"It's nothing really." She shrugged biting her lip in an anxious way, I open the box and it's a small 'T' shaped contraption. It looks familiar and I'm staring at it trying to figure out what it is.

"This is—" Realization hit, I look at her, and she nods before hugging me. It all feels like a step in the right direction and it made it feel like none of the planning was in vain. Despite our arguments and even knowing how cemented our relationship is it felt like a zoo ran around my stomach knowing that after this she could be pregnant at anytime.

"This morning," I paused recalling our morning before the flight. She woke up with a sexual appetite that almost made us miss the flight, basically on top of me with her hands in my pants. "You're bad y'know." Smirking at her, she just smiles cheekily before resting her head in my lap. We share a passionate kiss as to thank each other for the gifts given, and it feels like married life with Killian is meant for me. All the times I've ever dreamed about us and the happiness we share, it's this.

Jamaica is not an easy place for either of us to be, there are negative memories here for the both of us but I wanted this trip to outdo the last one. I wanted this trip to be extra special for her, this trip I was going to start doing everything the right way. Putting her to sleep with a scalp massage, she was out cold I took her ring off of her finger. This one was nice, but it could be better, and it will be better.

The following morning I'm awoken to her slapping my chest. "Lady what do you want?" I groan into the pillow.

"I can't find my ring." Her voice is still scratchy with sleep, I shrug putting the pillow over my head. "Okay I'll look when I wake up." Didn't have to, I have it but I wasn't giving it to her.

Kissing her teeth she grumbled something incoherently before getting out of bed. I hear her moving around me, before I'm back to sleep and when I wake up again she's crying. Jumping up out of my sleep, I scan the room for her and she's standing in the corner with her head in her hands. "What's wrong?"

"I-I can't find my ring." She sobbed, "I went to sleep with it on and now I can't find it!" Tears streamed down her face, and she was genuinely distraught over it.

"It's okay come back to bed," I soothe her worries and cries, beckoning her to me.

"It's not! I want my ring, I've looked everywhere! I didn't lose it I promise." Throwing herself into my arms her body shook as she continued to cry.

"Stop crying please. It's okay, shhh. It's okay," I lay back still holding her attempting to go back to sleep. Sniffling as her tears wet my bare chest, she settles down but continues to have hiccups as I rub her back. When I wake up again there's stuff everywhere, but she's also in the process of packing everything back.

I get ready for the day I have planned for us as she sits on the floor folding clothes back, with a permanent pout and puffy red eyes from her meltdown earlier this morning. "I told you don't worry about the ring."

"Oakley please, I'm really not in a good mood right now. I don't want to talk."

"Well we have plans today so get ready." Her sour attitude was not going to stop anything, "Your bathing suit and work out clothes." I inform her before I finish getting ready.

It was an hours drive from the villa in MoBay to Mayfield Falls, and she liked hiking and water so I planned for us to do just that. Up until we got to the hike she had a little attitude, pouting, with her arms crossed the entire drive. She's a lot more pleasant during the actual hike, and is dreamy eyed at the iridescent pockets of shimmering blue water when we finally finish the treacherous hike to the falls itself. Killian enjoys the heavy pressure of the falls beating down on her, and I enjoyed watching her not have an attitude even if it was for three hours. On the drive back she was a little nicer, where she still didn't talk but she held my arm.

Dinner was approaching quickly and as we go inside she began getting ready, in two hours she steps out in a long deep orange and pink dress. A long hanging neckline, and the back had a long deep hanging back line that showed off her back tattoos. She wore matching pink heels, with her hair down.

"Hi." I manage to stutter out, because she's so bewitching and I could stare at her all day.

"Hi poppa." She kisses my cheek, "You ready?" Wiping her lipgloss off my cheek I grab her hand and we head out to the car and set off to the cliff side. I reserved a cliff side that overlooked the ocean for us to have dinner at sunset.

"Who you trynna look good for?" Killian teases, kissing my teeth I roll my eyes.
"Just say you think I look good." I quip back.

"Good enough to eat." Her flirting was top tier, she'd bat her lashes, rub my arm, while twirling her fingers in her hair. It's like an awakening of all of my senses.

"Knowing that I will fuck you in the back of the car, why are you testing me?" I say deadpan, meaning every single word. She knows I would, and leave her full of my kids while we sat through dinner. She giggled but stopped teasing as we pulled into the cliff side, getting out I helped her out of the car and there was a paved way for us to stand closer to the end and see the rocky shoreline beneath.

It was a gorgeous day in Jamaica, the breeze blew smells of salt water and crisp fresh air. Sounds of the ocean rushing into itself, and birds near and far, made it feel like just us. "Oh it's beautiful." Killian sighs taking in the view, orange and yellow begin to blend into the bright blue sky, with pockets of pink shining through thick puffy white clouds.

Her dress matched the sunset almost perfectly, and her hair whipped around as the breeze rushed past us. "What if we get a house out here." I mentioned as she pulled her phone out to take pictures of the view and sunset.

"Yeah I love that idea." She's not paying any real attention now so I take the chance, I take the box out of my pocket and get down on one knee. Her attention still set on the sunset and getting a good picture, I clear my throat bringing her attention to me. Looking for me before her eyes drop to where I am on my knee, she gasps and backs away.

"Oh my god, what are you doing?!" Killing spits out faster than I've ever heard, before she starts giggling and looking around carefully. Shock written on her face.

"Hey princess, can you come here?" I laugh at how her hand is still covering her mouth, her bare left hand clenched tightly to her chest. I take her hand, "Will you marry me?..Again?" I smile.

"Yeah" Nodding excitedly she allows me to put her upgrade on her left ring finger, a Ruby  oval cut with a gold star and moon band. Kissing me she begins laughing, "I love you."

"I really love you." Getting up off my knee I pick her up, and I hear the camera shutters of the photographer in the background. It's the brightest I've seen her smile in a while and I can't help but to feel a sense of pride.

I'm proud she's mine, I'm proud to be her husband, and I'm proud to one day to the man of our soon to be growing family. I'm getting the happy ending I want, and it feels so fucking good.

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me Killian." I admit.

"Only you." Killian mutters before kissing me again, and I'm in paradise all around.

*************

I don't like this tbh, but maybe next chapter will be better. Idk.

Who's your fave character? Why?

Missed you guys sooo much. Thank you for your patience.

Isnotrael is killing more than 100 people a day in Gaza, and approved illegal settlements in the West Bank. And the occupation states they will not apologize. Sick and vile I are the only words I have. And the US just signed another multibillion dollar weapons bill for isnotrael.

Fuck the occupation!
Fuck zionism/t!
Fuck colonialism!

Free Palestine
Free Congo
Free Sudan
Free Cameroon
Free Haiti
Free Puerto Rico
Free Tigray
Free Lebanon
Free Yemen
Free Syria
Free Kenya
Defund Genocide
Give indigenous people back they shit.

Xoxo,
Xstuhcii 💋