Chapter playlist

21 Savage - Knife Talk
Akon - Lonely

Oakley 'Cench' Caesar-Su
Las Vegas, NV

My name falls from her lips, strained and raspy, begging me, before she plopped to the side of me. Spent and hazy she giggles touching my face. "I think I'll call you bunny rabbit."

Killian is intoxicated and cum drunk all in one sitting, it does not help we took a trip to the dispensary prior to coming back to the hotel. "I love you Oakley." Leaning up on her elbows she leaned in to kiss me, and I love hearing her voice tell me those words.

"I love you too princess." I give her another kiss before she pulls away, "You promised them we'd come back out to go to the casino, come on." Reminding her as she rubbed my chest, ovulating Killian was one hundred out of ten. Couldn't peel her off of me and I didn't want to.

"Fuck the casino." I felt her bare chest in my back as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, kissing the back of my neck.

"Oh you ready to go again."

"I just needed a second, I'm read—" A knock at the door. "You guys better be ready!" Fey yelled on the other side of the door.

Killing groaned plopping back on the bed and I chuckled, with the towel wrapped around my waist I went to take a quick shower. "Give us 20." She yelled before joining me in the shower.

Keeping her on task and not on touching me was harder than I expected, once she gets cross faded it was all hell breaks loose, but in all we were downstairs in 25 minutes.  I took the rental car and we all rolled out to the casino not too far down the strip.

Once in the inside the girls broke off to the slots, $25,000 for each in their purses. I can't lie, I feel amazing. As a youngin' we would've never thought this would be our reality. Bills on autopay, 'vacations' as needed, needs and wants met, and our women taken care of. This is what we worked for, and I couldn't be more proud of the guys.

We started at the Baccarat table, where Ant was a wiz. His poker face never faltered, and it's like he played mind games with you. He walked away with a hefty $100,000 after he bet $10,000. Me and Wadz, mainly shoot dice but we got a good kick out of Poker. With each of our games lasting one hour, we both walked away with a calm $50,000.

Four hours into the casino night, we decided to call it a night. Find my iPhone located Killian at the slot machines, so as we follow the map it mainly sounds like commotion.

"Oh shit who's fighting?" A random man asks while passing us, and I shrug.

"Go get ya man bitch! I don't hit women—"

"Suck my dick pussy!" Shaking my head I knew that voice, but I know I didn't hear another man call her a bitch.

"I'll  shoot you and your man bitc-" The  goofy looking clown can't finish his sentence before my fist connected with his jaw.

"Shoot who pussy?" I watch him sprawled out on the floor, "Man watch out." Ant says behind me before punching another large muscly guy, who was coming up on me.

"Wassup?" I look at Killian, she's rubbing her arm uncomfortably before the rest of the girls. "Drunk bastard tried to grab her." Ameena says pointing to Killian. 

He's groaning as I pull him up by his shirt and punch him in the face, I feel his nose break and I know I should stop, but I love this shit. "C, security." Wadz pulls me, and I struggle to get off of him. Grabbing Killians hand I walk along, as we leave. She's struggling to keep up with me, and I feel like I'm dragging her along so I try to slow down but I'm so enraged.

We get the garage after we all walk in silence, breaking off me and Killian are finally alone. Placing her against the car "Are you hurt?" I ask taking a look at her, she shakes her head quietly. Getting in the car we pulled off after Wadz and Ant, getting on the highway we were a few minutes out from the hotel.

Killians hand rest on the back my neck and rubs my ears, attempting to soothe the rage I felt inside. I wanted to rip the steering wheel from the dash board, my anger slowly still built.

Shoot her?
My Killian?
Mans must've been drunk.

"I'm fine O, not a scratch on me." Her tiny voice reassured me, "The one night I don't carry my piece, nerve must have been on sale." I mutter bitterly, and she shifts in her seat rigidly.

"Oakley." My foot eases onto the brake as I watch the street ahead, not responding to her. I could not compartmentalize right now, and the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel responsible for my feelings.

We pull into the hotel valet, and she waits for me to open her door and take her hand to exit the car. Walking through the lobby, she kept up with me and my long stride. The ride up the elevator was long as she looked down to allow her mind elsewhere, and she looked so good. Her skin glistened with whatever she used to moisturize, her bangles decorated her arms, and her outfit was only a tad bit revealing. "You look very beautiful."

"Thank you O." We reach our floor safely and she walks ahead of me, but waits for me to open the door. She's learning this life, and I couldn't be more grateful because her safety and comfort were my top priorities when it came to her. We settle in and by the time we are both done showering, her nails are lightly scratching my back as I type quickly in the group chat.

L.Y.M

Wadz: Girls are shaken up, you straight man?

Cench: You know.

Boone: Send a pic, I'll find out.

Ant: Copy.

"Can I please have some attention?" A soft kiss behind my neck pulls me from the text messages at hand.

"You always have my attention," Tossing the phone over my shoulder I lean back into the bed, allowing her to straddle me as her hands roamed my chest. Tracing my tattoos, keeping herself entertained.

"Please relax." Her voice is very gentle, "I'm relaxed—"

"Do I need to turn this into a patient-provider moment?" Killians tone is sassy, and she gives me an unimpressed look.

"Nah." I chuckle, before she begins rubbing my chest.

"I'm sorry for tonight. We were at the machines, and I should've just walked away."

At no point should she have felt responsible for what went down tonight. She'd never be the person to start the problem but I'd always be there to finish, and that's just how every cookie crumbled. "You don't ever have to apologize for defending yourself."

"I shouldn't have said any thin-"

"And I said, don't ever apologize." I reiterated myself to her.

"I was wron-" She stopped talking once I began shaking my head. "You're never wrong. Not to me." Lifting her chin she stared at my mouth, biting her lip.

"Do I make myself clear?" Flicking her eyes up to mine momentarily, before looking down and nodding. "Use your words."

"Yeah babe." She nods parting her straightened hair behind her ear. The innocence that radiated off of her at this moment swelled my heart, it was this alone that let me know she wasn't really ready to use her gun. I know that for her it was for more than protection, it was to prove to herself something. What that was exactly, I have no idea. The world would have to burn before I left her without protection, because even when I'm not around I was around.

"You know I'd do anything for you." My voice pulls her attention, "I know."

There's hesitation in her tone, and I've only heard it once before. "What are you thinking? Tell me what you're feeling."

There's a long silent pause between us, "You're..."Killian looks at me, "Scary."
The drop in her brows flashed worry, and as she's staring into my eyes there's a pain that runs through my chest. Quickly she gets off my lap, and I grab ahold of her wrist.

"Princess,"I sit hanging my legs off the bed, pulling her closer. "You know...you know I'd never hurt you...right?"

Another pause, before she blinks. "Yeah Cench— O." Pulling her arm from me, a surge of frustration ran through me.

"Killian, who am I?" I look up at her, "To you." I emphasize.

"Oakley." Nodding I lay back down, "Come back to bed." Following my instructions, she turned her back to me lying on her side with the covers up to her shoulder.

"Years ago I told you that anyone that is a threat to you...is a direct threat to me. I meant that. That includes making you feel the slightest bit out of place." I felt the need to explain to her, because I didn't want her afraid of me.

Quickly changing position she looks at me, "But he was bleeding, his spit his fucking teeth up."  

"Okay so." I was waiting to see the issue, because it honestly felt like the least I could do, considering what I'm going to do.

"You don't see the problem with that? That violence is so engrained in who you are—"

"He played a very stupid game and won a very stupid prize." I shrugged, because I was nowhere near done.

"You can't fight or kill your way out of everything Cench.—" I grab her face, for the blatant disrespect in calling me a name that isn't meant for her.

"Watch me."

After uttering those words, she didn't speak to me. Not for the rest of the Vegas trip, not once she was back in the city, it wasn't until three weeks later when she came to London that I'd seen her.

I came home to her having a glass of wine on the couch. She was really good at the silent treatment, it was easy to deal with when she wasn't physically around. But now that she was here, if she thought she was going to ignore me to my face she was sadly mistaken.

Washing my hands I stood at the kitchen sink watching her on the couch. I made myself a drink of Hennessy and ice, before I stood in front of her. Lightly tapping her chin I eased forward to give her a kiss, with no physical response from her made me the slightest bit unnerved by her attitude. I had quite the day at work, the last thing I wanted to do was argue with her.

Settling on the couch across from her, I chuckled at her stoic attitude. This stone face and attitude she had only seemed to deepen, "When are you dropping your attitude?" I sip my drink never taking my eye off her, because I don't want to miss any reaction from her.

All she did was drink her wine, and watch her weird supernatural show. My patience was running thin, clearing my throat I sat up with my elbows on my knees. "Yo I'm speaking to you." I rest my cup down in the coffee table.

"Hey." She responds like I'm bothering her, like her show is more important. Especially after not speaking to me for weeks.

"Hey?" I chuckle dryly, because nothing was funny. "This fucking woma-" I mutter beneath my breath, in some sort of disbelief. Pulling out my phone out I connected it to the television and shut it off.

With a slow long blink she turns her head to me, "What is your problem?" She sighs, holding her glass close to her.

"You know, I'm not a fan of this attitude thing you've got." I say honestly, "You're going on four weeks—"

"Oh you don't like it, do you?" Her reply is smart and snarky, almost like she's been waiting to use this line back on me. "So you're being a child? And for what?"

"A child Cench? I just don't have anything to say."

"You're really pissing me the fuck off, you know. Because you know exactly what you're doing!" Losing my temper, my voice raised and I reeled it in before her point was further made.

I couldn't help it. It's who I'd become once she left me, two years of the same thing everyday builds routine. An unbreakable routine. "I'm only addressing who you're acting like." She's calm, despite my white hot anger.

"You like this arguing shit, and you know I don't argue. I'll walk away from you before I go back and forth,—"

"Instead of just addressing the fact that you're becoming more violent? It's unsettling Oakley, and I worry."

"I'm the same person I was when we got together Killian." I scoff, because who the fuck was she to tell me about myself. I'm the same Cench I've always been, and still the same Oakley that is in love with her.

"You didn't see your face." Solemnly biting her lip she looks down, "He threatened you—" I try to reason.

"I don't want you to get in trouble!" Killian lets out in a frustrated huff, "You do other things, and I'm just afraid you won't stop one day."

I wouldn't. I wouldn't ever stop eliminating people who stood in my way, people who harmed those I loved, and people who crossed me. But to her that'd make me a monster, someone evil and unhinged and I didn't want her of all people seeing me that way.

Even if that's who I really am.

I'd just never hurt her, in any capacity and it's so hard to talk about it with her because she acts as if it never happened. That act is all to make me feel better about myself, but the masked drop that night in Vegas. It's so much easier to do these things when she's away, but then I miss her so much it becomes painful.

Killian only had ideas of what I was capable of, and she knew some things first hand but I'd never follow through on any threats with her. Because the entire time I loved her, the one person who's seen me for who I am and loved me despite it all. Wadz and Ant excluded.

"You don't have to worry about that. That's my issue to worry about. You'll always be taken care of." I shrug, because I wasn't going to play on her intelligence and act coy about the realities of my job.

"How are you so sure of everything?" She quarreled like she was upset that I had an answer for her every jab, but Killian failed to realize who she was talking to.

Leaning in closer, "I run this city, inside and out, top to bottom." Standing up I pick up my cup and throw the rest the brown liquid back. "Welcome home." Walking past her I enter the bedroom to take a shower and when I was done there's a plate of food on the kitchen table for me.

I sit down in front of the plate of oxtail and rice and peas with macaroni pie. She sets down a cup near my food and I hold her arm before she can walk away from me. "I love you." Kissing her, I'm relieved as she kisses me back. Pulling away I look in her eyes, and she's unreadable.

"I love you too." She says, but I can't read if she's telling me the truth. "My arm." Pulling away from me, she goes back to the kitchen before bringing her plate to the table.

Dinner was quiet but she ate all of her food, and she came to bed and was fast asleep with no words still. Reaching down to the bed side table I pulled the draw and took out the small velvet box.

Opening it, I look at her sleeping figure and feel like I lack self control. I want to ask her in this very second, but she wasn't pleased with me. Her argument that I took things overboard was heard, wouldn't say understood because he was definitely dead now but if my rage is what worried her, she just wouldn't see it.

It was deceitful, and an awful thing to do I know. But I couldn't be without her. Closing the box I put it back and settled further into bed before she turned over and rested her head on my chest. I also didn't know how long I could go without us being together everyday. I know she loves her job but long distance was killing me, when I needed her near me regularly.

The door bell rang and I carefully slipped from beneath her, grabbed my gun and made it to the door. Looking through the peep hole, Wadz and Ant stood on the other side. Opening the door they rushed, "Go pack, we gotta go."

"Can't." I shrug, I wasn't worried about shit outside as long as the woman asleep in my bed was with me. Quickly turning to me with a crazed look on his face Wadz looks me up and down, "Fuck you mean you can't?!"

"Keep your fucking voice down." I look back towards the room where Killian slept, increasingly more upset Wadz came in here with his bullshit. "Can't as in I'm not."

"Ant do fucking hear this guy?" Wadz scoffs in disbelief, "Can't as in I'm not." He mocks.

Kissing my teeth I shift my weight, my hands clenched behind my back and my thumb keeping my safety on. "You think these things were meant to be forever? Then you're as dumb as he is." Wadz points to Ant.

"Watch your mouth Wadz." I warn him, charging at me he grabs my shirt pushing me against the wall and my gun was drawn to his head the moment my back hit the wall.

"We're all giving up something leaving Cench." Flicking my safety off was my only warning, before he let me go. "Is one girl really worth your freedom and everything we've built."

"It's now or we crash and burn." He emphasizes, and I hate myself for her.

"I'll meet you out back." I clear my throat, and they head for the door. Before he closed the door Wadz stops, "It's easier if you don't say anything." And he closed the door.

Locking the door behind them, I rush to the guest bedroom and packed a bag and changed my clothes. Entering the bedroom she's asleep the way I left her, and looking at her makes this all the more hard to do.

Sitting on the bed next to her I lean over and kiss her cheek. I feel like shit, because she's going to hate me. "I'm doing this because I love you so much." I whisper, before kissing her cheek again. Before this was any harder I left her and closed the door before writing her a quick note, then grabbing my bag and leaving the flat.

Finally making to the back, we all walked to the car and Ant stops me before we get in the van. "I know the feeling....I'm sorry."
Nodding I get in the van and look out the window and the driver begins the drive to the airport.

She's going to hate me.
She's going to hate me forever.

********

Suspension has been built. I wasn't bluffing lol.

So what's new? It's almost been a month, I think I needed that break tbh. With Ramadan ending on Tuesday or Wednesday, I basically took that time.

In more news, Isnotraels minister of defense wants its shitty prime minister to wage full scale attack on Rafah, which is the border town holding more than 1 million people who are dying of starvation everyday and those conditions are even worse in the north of Gaza.

Fuck the occupation.
Fuck zionism/t.
Fuck colonialism.

Free Palestine
Free Congo
Free Sudan
Free Cameroon
Free Haiti
Free Puerto Rico
Free Tigray
Free Lebanon
Free Yemen
Free Syria
Defund Genocide
Give indigenous people back they shit.

Xoxo,
Xstuhcii 💋