E m m a

"You lied to me, you told me you were fine." His voice whispers softly, an aspect of hurt slithering through his words.

"I didn't lie to you, because at the time, I was fine; but I was scared, I didn't know how to tell you."

Silence.

"Why do you blame yourself, this isn't your fault." Harry tries to explain, although I refuse to listen, and I refuse to believe him.

"Do you remember the second time I went to the doctors because of the pains?" I ask changing the subject.

"Yeah?"

"He said they were so severe because my body was actually rejecting the baby." I bite my bottom lip to stop it from quivering. "So not only did I kill our child, but I felt it happening. And I couldn't stop it Harry. But it was still my fault, I was still doing it."

"Emma plea-"

"I'm so sorry Harry," I blubber, my frail body clinging to him as he carries me through the Emma and Niall's house and into his car, ready to take me back home. "None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me. I'm so sorry I let you down. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh." His low voice attempts to sooth my aching heart, the remembrance of the last two weeks eats away at my soul. I did this, I tore us apart, I've ruined everything.

Harry's strong arms begin to pull away from me as he places me delicately into the passenger seat of his Range Rover. I can't help but cry, you'd think after two weeks of non-stop tears that I wouldn't have any left, but I do, and they stream as easily as a waterfall. I'm still haunted by that moment the doctor told me the news; at first I started to wake up screaming in the middle of the night, thankful that Niall and Hayles couldn't hear my cries of desperation.

The daylight still feels tender on my streaming eyes, an incessant pain resounding in my forehead as I start to get a headache from the bright light of the sun. "Shh, it's okay baby." Harry coo's as he begins to drive, his hand enclosing mine as I pull my knees securely up to my chest. Normally Harry calms me down, and I can't deny that his presence is a delightful relief, but it just makes me feel more guilty at what I've done to him.

How could I do that? I'm a horrible person, horrible! Evil in fact. I don't deserve him, I don't deserve his loving personality and kind nature. I don't deserve happiness or to be able to smile. I should be enclosed in darkness and left alone in my own solitude for the rest of eternity. That's truly what I deserve.

Harry's hand grips tighter as we near closer to the house, somewhere I haven't been for the last two weeks. The sight seems foreign to me as I strain my eyes to see it, a large group of fans stood outside and only a few paps, maybe three at most which surprises me.

"I got a court order," Harry clarifies, it feels just like it used to when he could read my expressions like a book. "It means certain paps can't follow us, come to our home or wait outside of places for us. I don't mind those guys." He points at the three paps, quietly waiting outside of our house with their bulky cameras in hand.

"Why?" My voice croaks in a whisper, my tear stained cheeks crystallising.

"They never used to scream questions or shove their cameras in our faces. They just waited patiently, took their photos and then left without hassle. They respect us, so I respect them." He tells me with an easy going tone, his voice soft and light as he answers my question; typical Harry, he always has his reasons.

"No, I mean, why would you do that for us? For me?" I want to know why, he was just so disappointed that night and I don't understand why he would do this for the both of us, including myself.

"Because I love you Em's." The words roll off his tongue as if they're the most natural thing in the world, and shivers run down my spine every time he says it; however, I don't deserve to feel this way especially not after I let him down.

"You shouldn't." I mumble mostly to myself, my intention being that he doesn't hear. But of course, he does, and he replies sternly to my statement.

"There's no reason why I shouldn't love you Em's. Even if I'm mad at you, it doesn't mean I don't love you, if anything it means that I love you more."

"I don't deserve-"

"You deserve every ounce of love I give you Emma," he cuts me off abruptly, becoming more impatient at my pessimistic attitude before he decides to continue, "and even if you don't think so, I don't care. I wouldn't want to love anyone else in this world except you, so start believing it." The car comes to a complete halt and Harry swiftly unbuckles his belt, taking a step outside into the cold allowing an icy draft to raise the hairs on my arms as he slams his door forcefully shut.

My head remains bowed, although I don't care what people think of me anymore. I know everyone will hate me when they find out I killed my own baby, I hate myself. My eyes flicker up as I hear Harry's low voice mumble through the thick glass to all of the waiting people; the fans faces turn solemn along with the paps, Harry's gestures become more soft and fragile.

And that's when all their eyes turn to me, a sea of judging colours ignites a pain within my heart. It's starting, he's told them the truth, and now they hate me. Several jaws clench as I look out and I begin to unnoticeably cower in my seat, shifting back into the cushion in an attempt to escape the demanding stares. But I can't, they just keep staring.

My breathing begins to fasten and hitch at their intense gazes, each and every one of them watching me as I break down in front of their eyes. I start to hyperventilate and I struggle to catch the mass of air around me, I can't breathe, I can't stop their eyes.

I scurry further back, pressing myself firmly against the passenger seat window - the cold glass burning my skin as I panic.

My door swings open unexpectedly and I fall back into someone's arms, their warm embrace soothing my panic attack but not calming my mind. Harry picks me up bridal style, "hey shhh, it's okay, you're alright." He whispers to me, tears falling down my flushed cheeks and onto his shirt.

"Calm down baby, I'm here." My whimpers don't stop though, everyone hates me, I just don't see a point anymore.

Harry carries me through the crowd and past the familiar low brick wall surrounding our home, his hand containing the house keys gently twists unlocking the door for the both of us. It's then that I realise the only sound I can hear are my small whimpers of fright and nervousness; the fans are quiet, the paps are quiet, I hear no clicking and see no flashing of cameras. Everything is peaceful and calming.

I stop and listen to the deafening silence, something I've grown accustomed to for the last two weeks. My eyes look back at all the clearly devastated faces, but then something happens out of the ordinary and sets me in a state of complete confusion.

They begin to clap.

"Why are they clapping Harry?" I cry to him, tears falling as I fail to understand.

"Because life fails to be perfect, but it never fails to be beautiful."

•••

"How're you feeling?" Harry asks as he walks into our bedroom. I was placed in here the second we came through the front door, tucked in to the plush duvet with Harry by my side.

He sets my glass of apple juice on the nightstand to my right, me not paying much attention though as I stare off into space blankly. I still find it hard to believe that all of this is happening, Harry doesn't deserve this much hassle in his life - he should be with someone who doesn't come with a mass amount of baggage and problems. I don't know why he still wishes to be with me.

"I love you, that's why." He answers my question without any hesitation, his long body now lying facing me; our bodies on their sides and in close proximity whilst we stare at each other.

"Harry-" his lips touch mine so lightly I almost forget they're there, he almost makes me believe him.

"I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry you had to go through this alone." He whispers against my lips, a pang of guilt piercing my frail heart.

"I'd hate for you to feel this way." My voice remains emotionless as I stare at his lips, I've missed them so much, I don't think I realised how much I needed them until they were gone. "I never want you to feel this way."

My sorrowful heart continues to sink absentmindedly, I can't control my emotions anymore, they have started to control me; I just feel an enormous amount of guilt and devastation. Why would my body do this? Why would I do this? Why me?

"I got your birthday presents," Harry changes the subject making me remember the gifts I got him before all the drama occurred. "They were perfect as per usual." He chuckles inwardly to himself as he remembers the gifts.

Although, I only informed Hayles of the location of two presents and not the third, therefore I lie on my back and lean over, my arm reaching into my bed side cabinet. I pull out the long thin rectangular box, decorated in gold wrapping paper with a neat gold bow sat upon the top. I lie on my side again to face Harry, carefully handing him the box. "I forgot one."

My teeth bite firmly at my bottom lip as Harry's warm calloused hands take the present from my grasp, he glances skeptically at me before lifting the lid.

I bite harder to contain my blubbers of desperation, my eyes watering and effortless tears falling from my bloodshot orbs as I scan the object thoroughly, remembering it as if it were yesterday.

"You kept it?" He smiles sadly, taking the fragile stick out of the box.

"It's how I was going to tell you." The words catch in my throat.

"Wow," he chuckles in a whisper, Harry's nimble fingers delicately tracing over the pregnancy test. His eyes focused on the words written on the digital screen.

'Pregnant
8 weeks'

It's sad to know how naive I was when I took that test, how much hope I had for my future - only to feel it crash and burn before my very eyes, having to deal with multiple weights of pressure all piling on to this moment.

This moment is when I realise how truly broken I truly am. What I've lost, and who I've lost during this last month. I wish I could go back and undo my selfish and life ruining actions, where my body didn't reject the baby and me and Harry would be happy like before.

But life isn't that simple, and the pressures have finally broken me; shattered me like a fragile piece of glass that is almost impossible to put back together again. I can't be saved now, even with Harry by my side, I've ruined his life and it'll only be a matter of time until he realises that.

I'll end up with nothing. Again. So why try?

__________________________

A massive thank you for all the amazing feedback I've been getting from you all! I appreciate how supportive you are and I genuinely hope you're enjoying the book!

Comment and vote please! Thank you :)

- Pianogirl56