Chapter 22.
I wake from my slumber without Niall's arms around me, instead my head still rest on Emma's shoulder. I raise myself to see her fast asleep, she looks somewhat peaceful like this; it's rare to see her so peaceful nowadays.
She's been here for two weeks and three days. Small darks circles appear under hears eyes, showing that she probably hasn't slept since she first arrived here. I can't bare seeing her like this, and no-one truly understands until they see her.
I drag my feet out of the room and close the door quietly, remembering the events of last night. I can't believe that happened, I can't believe that we fought with each other, that we lost sight of our own relationship and put our friends before us.
I don't want to be away from Niall, I don't want to end up like Emma; she's so alone, gaunt and lost. I don't want that. As much as I love her, I would never want to go through what she is going through.
I walk into the kitchen carefully finding the shattered plate remains still on the floor from last night, with the cold food strewn in a pile in the centre. Barefoot, I carefully step over the mess and grab the dustpan and brush, crouching to my knees to scoop up the disaster of last night.
I recall the memories as I scrape up the shattered plate, placing the broken remains into the bin; my hands grab a wet cloth and wipe the floor to clear any left over pieces of food or ceramic.
"Careful." A beautiful voice whispers from the doorframe behind me. I turn around and Niall notices my tear stained cheeks, he hurries over to me and wraps his arms around my smaller frame. "You were right."
I look up at him from his arms, his grasp still tight but more lenient now as I stare into his beautiful crystal blue eyes. "I never wanted to fight with you." I whisper to him sorrowfully.
"And you shouldn't have had to. You were right. I am blinded by my friendship with Harry, but you need to understand that he's my best friend Hayles, I'll always be on his side." He tells me calmly and maturely.
"I never wanted you to choose sides Niall, I just wanted you to hear both sides of the story." I inform him.
"Well I'm ready. I want to know what she has to say." He sighs calmly, his voice low and safe. I like the fact he is willing, how he's ready and is coming to terms with everything.
"I have to take her some toast up-" I start, only to be interrupted by Niall's melodic Irish accent.
"I'll do it." I smile at his words, at his gesture. He's doing this for me; yesterday hit us both really hard I think, it was our first proper fight and hopefully our last.
After making the toast I walk slowly beside Niall, his free hand tightly in mine whilst his other holds onto the plate full of buttered toast. "You ready?" I ask and receive a nod. "I-I want you to apologise to her." I shake almost scared at his reaction.
"I'm sorry, I just can't do that." He looks down in to my eyes. I know he wants to make me happy but I can see the remaining hatred he holds, and the strain he has just by being this close to the door.
"I think you'll change your mind once you see her." I tell him honestly. He has no idea what to expect, and I know he will be horrified once he sees her. My hand clutches onto the door handle and I knock three times as normal. Only to receive no response. "C'mon." I whisper to Niall.
The door lightly pushes open and dark consumes us again, the familiar sunlight seeping through the cracks at the sides of the blind. Although, the room is still light enough to see Emma. I'm the first one to walk in, Niall following close behind and I watch his expression as he glances around the space, his eyes finally landing on her.
His expression is one of pure horror.
Of course he didn't expect the sight, you can't really expect it. It surprises you because of how dead she looks, so lifeless and empty. His jaw drops and his eyes soften, Emma completely careless and oblivious to the fact Niall has entered the room, she stares forward as always. "Plate Niall." I whisper to him.
He blinks a few times and closes his mouth, his jaw clenching and his eyes starting to water. He carefully places the plate onto the bed and steps back immediately, standing beside me for comfort. She is clearly not what he expected she was.
Emma's eyes move to the plate and she stares at it; the same expression of sorrow on her face makes me realise she's been crying again, her cheeks still wet from the tears that once resided there only moments ago.
Emma's head falls, her red eyes staring at her stomach intensely. "I need you to tell me Em's." I look at her, my hand resting on her boney knee. "I need you to tell me why."
She looks up at me, her head shaking and tears burning her waterline. "Please!" I plead, "please tell me Em's, please." My feet stand and Niall pulls me into his side. He is still horrified by Emma's appearance and behaviour, he is scared for her; her body is weak and thin, her eyes are bloodshot and red, her lips are chapped and her face pale. She looks like a ghost, or a corpse or something that has risen from a grave, she doesn't look like Emma.
But deep down inside I know she wants to tell me, I know she is bursting at the seams and is desperate to tell someone; I know because I can see it in her eyes, that undying need for release and exposure of the situation. She has bottled it up for weeks, and now she finally gives in.
I stand beside Niall and watch her actions intently, she looks down to her clasped hands and takes something from her tight grasp. A folded photograph.
Her dainty fingers slowly slide it across the bed without a word, it concealed from mine and Niall's vision due to it still being folded in half. I take the delicate picture and see Emma's eyes glass over again, obviously knowing what lies on the inside. I open the photograph and swallow, my eyebrows furrowing at first but then the realisation hits me.
I raise my hand to cover my mouth as my eyes begin to water and I continue to stare at the picture. The black and white beauty. "Do you remember the first time I went to the doctor? Because I had those really bad stomach pains?" The voice of my best friend croaks, she sounds so unfamiliar since she hasn't spoken for over two weeks.
"Y-yeah?" I shake wearily, my body shivering as I stare at the picture in front of me.
"That's when I got that picture, I was two months gone by then." She refers to the ultrasound picture in my hands, the beautiful shadow curled up as it should be.
Everything seems so much clearer now, Niall sniffles beside me, his eyes welling up too; I know he feels guilty, even more so now considering his accusations and foul language towards her.
"I was so scared, I didn't know how to tell Harry. I just wanted it to be special, so I decided to tell him on his birthday, as a present." She informs us softly, her eyes distant as she recalls the memories, her fingers fiddling with each other mindlessly.
"I knew George and his wife had a baby, so I went over to his house to see it. A little baby boy," she smiles to herself sadly. "I helped feed him, and change him, I played with him. I talked to George about what it was like getting up in the middle of the night, and how to cope with different things... I was learning." She tells us, her eyes getting even more glassier as she continues.
I shake my head at what is about to come, I don't want to hear it. To hear her pain. It's understandable now and I can't bare to hear anymore, to know what she is going through.
"I had to keep it from Harry or else I would ruin the surprise." Her tears fall and she looks anywhere but at us, me and Niall crying relentlessly at her tragic words. "But then pain started to get worse and worse, the cramps crippling me until I couldn't walk." She bites her lip and sniffles.
"I went to the doctors again, he told me it was gone. Just, gone. I sat in my car for hours and just cried, I felt so worthless." She cries completely now, my heart wrenching in my chest at the thought of her sat on her own with this new and tragic information. "I finally got home and Harry was sat waiting for me. I decided to tell him then, I didn't see why not. But his words," she hitches inwardly, "he hated me so much, and it's like he already knew. I let him down, it's all he ever wanted." She cries relentlessly.
"He shouted at me and kicked me out. I lost my baby and my husband on the same day." She looks up at me, her blunt eyes meeting mine, "and I just didn't see a point anymore. So I gave up."
A deafening silence over takes us after her long winded explanation; the three of us in complete tears as we take in her words. So this is what she does. She sits in darkness and stares at this picture in an attempt to torture herself, but it isn't her fault.
"I'm so sorry Emma." Niall whispers sadly, wiping his tears away during his apology.
"Niall, I'd rather you hate me for what I've done. I hate myself and I don't deserve an apology." She cries, her tears becoming unstoppable now.
"Emma this isn't your fault. These things happen, we'll get through this." I try to console her but she shakes her head in disagreement.
"No. It is my fault, it was me that killed it. It wasn't even born yet! How could I do that! Why would I do that to something so innocent?!" She screams at us, her eyes wide and red, her tiny body moving forward as she strains her voice in an attempt to scream. "He should hate me. I can't even give him a family! That's all he wanted! I am a disappointment!" She continues her sobs louder and more forced as she lets her emotions flow. This is what she needs, she needs to burst.
So we let her, we let her scream. We let her release the pain that she's been harbouring, release the anger that she feels as the tragedy unfolds. Everything is out in the open, everything is clear.
"I've lost everything," she calms, her voice now a quiet whine as she sobs continuously. Her body shaking rapidly and her head lay against the cold wall behind her. "everyone."
"No." I ghostly whisper, my voice not strong as I watch her calm from her previous outburst.
I cry as her voice whispers one final line, "It's just not worth living anymore."
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I hope you guys never feel like this, and if you do please talk to someone. It's not good to bottle your emotions - I'm here if you need me.
Comment and vote please! Thank you :)
- Pianogirl56
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