Author: haynesthesia

Title: 5/5 - This is an amazing title, I have nothing to say about it. It's short and engaging.

Cover: 5/5 - You have a strong cover and a good picture. The text goes well with the picture (even though it's in two different fonts, it works well.)

Synopsis: 4/5 - It's an interesting synopsis but my main issue with this is that you have it under general fiction but upon reading the synopsis, I'm convinced that this story goes in the Romance section. Also, after '...charged' you need a comma because the lack of one changes the meaning. Eg 'I like to eat my family and my dog' means one thing but adding a few commas to give you: I like to eat, my family, and my dog' makes it sound less cannibal-esque.

Plot: 5/5 - I love the idea, it's definitely unique and you have managed to keep me interested and hooked all the way through. I liked the flashback to give us more on how they met. It wasn't rushed and I felt like it was the perfect lace to start your story.

Characters: 4/5 - I feel like you tell things more than show. Maybe focus on adding more description to your chapter. For example, instead of telling us Ryan was upset, show it. 'Ryan stared at the ground as he scuffed his shoe on the floor, feeling rather inadequate. He couldn't fathom why she didn't like him; everyone did.' Also, I don't think normal people would divulge such private information from just knowing him for a couple of minutes. That is a tad unrealistic. I thought that some of the dialogue was a bit monotonous. You can spice things up by adding dialogue tags and setting the scene a little more. Eg, when Ryan says 'Please stay? I'll make it up to you.' You can add a little 'he begged, putting his hands together in supplication. Hanna rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically, 'I'd really like to see that.' Instantly, it add more to your story. Having said that, you had some witty dialogue and banter between them and I really liked that.

SPG: 4/5 - 'oh, okay' the comma needs to be attached to the 'oh' and not the 'okay'. Also, 'she'd said' not 'she said' because you are talking or rehashing an even that already took place. '...tough' is in lowercase after the ellipsis because it is a continuation of the sentence. Their 'relationship' was strong, not 'relation'. 'Their couple managed to survive' I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Finally, you kept referring to them as 'the young couple' or 'the young girl'. That just sounds odd, maybe think of another way of saying that. But having found out that English isn't your first language, this is freaking amazing. You write better than some people who have English as their first language so props to you, girl.

OVERALL: This was a very engaging first chapter, I was hooked all the way through. My favorite part has to be the ending. It's really well written and I want to know more (I did actually read on to see what happens next, I couldn't help myself  x) I do suggest you take into consideration what I mentioned above, but otherwise, this was just amazing.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 27/30