Author: InspireTheDreams

Title: 5/5 - I like your title, I'm instantly drawn in (partly because I want to know what Keflin is.)

Cover: 4/5 - The cover has very little going on, but somehow that really works for you. I find that the use of only one image (the key) on the rather plain grey background really brings home the story.

Synopsis: 5/5 - I love the way this was written, it flows well. The 'indeed' in the beginning and end really made it interesting to read and I am curious to know more about why no one survives in Keflin and what it's all about.

Plot: 4/5 - Very fast and short action scene in the beginning. That could've worked well but I thought it needed a little more description. Eg, more about her opponent and the surroundings. Why such a hefty reward, what is the fight about, where did she find him? Small things like that can really improve your story and help bring this world of yours to life.  Also, sometimes I was confused as to what was going on because you'd used a lot of 'her' and 'him' in the wrong places. Read over it and you should be fine.

I liked the different paces here. The first, very action orientated part had an interesting bam bam bam tone, while the second part was more slow, more reminiscing of her past and allowed me as a reader to know a little more about her. 

The ending was really well written (cool cliffhanger btw) I have so many questions. How did the boy know the key was there, who put it there. All good things, as I really  want to read the next chapter and find out.

Characters: 4/5 - So when you are talking about your MC's skin colour and such, you say she felt uncomfortable. Why? What about her uneven haircut and darker complexion makes her feel out of place? Give us more thought and feelings, don't just tell us she didn't feel good. However I did like how badass she was here, that was something I immediately gained from her character.

You haven't really created her opponent's character that well, I felt like you sort of threw ideas out and left it. Kind of like, meh, he's not important to the story. But he is otherwise he wouldn't be included. Maybe add more to him eg, his stance, how he looks at her. Why he seems to be killing everyone...

SPG: 5/5 - I didn't find too many mistakes here which made your story flow quite well. Here are the ones that jumped out at me:

-'Up to he earlobes' not quite sure what this means, but I think it's safe to assume it's a typo of some sort.

-'His all-too-long blond (minus the 'e' because he is a male) hair(minus the comma, it's unnecessary here) blew in the breeze, and his light green eyes (again, comma is not needed) seemed to be taunting her.'

-Also, I noticed you say 'seemed' a lot. Either remove this word completely or use a synonym.

'A pretty face, that's all he was' this is written in third person so you need to mention who is thinking this. Was it Zelda? The little boy? Or is it fact? Why are they thinking this?

OVERALL: This is a wonderful start to your story. I know that you said you can't write long chapters but because you have two separate events taking place here, maybe adding more description is necessary to aid the story along. Just small things, nothing major. You have a strong and likable character from the get go which is highly important as readers like myself like characters we can connect to. Well done on that. 

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 27/30