Author: Mad-Maddy

Title: 4/5 - I like the title you have chosen, it goes well with your genre. However you could try 'The half breed' considering the fact that Jacinta is a half breed, or you could have 'Half breeds.' I think it sounds slightly better but it is your choice at the end of the day. It's good either way.

Cover: 4/5 - I love the photo of the girl especially because she has the same colored eyes as Jacinta. However I feel like your text font doesn't look as good. (It's a bit tacky if I'm completely honest with you.) Maybe try another another style.

Synopsis: 3/5 - Capital T for 'thousands' because you're starting a sentence. Also, you're repeating yourself here; we know it's the future from the 'thousands of years from now part' so you don't need to say it again. You're missing a word here: 'Jacinta IS a half breed. I suggest you split the middle paragraph up after 'devouring crest race' (also, crest is the name of the race so it should be 'Crest'.) maybe change it to something like 'After contracting the disease (enter info about said disease: wrecks havoc on mind and soul, for instance), her life and that of her only friend are suddenly threatened. A comma is needed after 'time' so 'time, a rebel' and maybe tell us a tad more about the elusive rebel.

Plot: 5/5 - You have an interesting idea which makes for a compelling story. My favorite part would have to be when the soldier kills the man. You managed to describe it beautifully and in a way that left me chewing my fingernails (not literally cuz that's kinda gross) in anticipation. My only problem with this chapter is that it's quite long and that way too much is happening here. You could split it into at least 3 chapters; the first is when they are in their cave thing (you didn't really describe their place much so maybe add more info there), another chapter could be created for the war/ battle scene and finally, the third chapter could be when she meets the man.

Characters: 4/5 - They were created very well to the point where I could almost pretend that they were real. You created a good MC who was interesting to read about and her 'voice' was unique. My small issue here is that you dropped terms like 'crests' and 'misty' without explaining what they are so there was a bit of confusion there.

SPG: 4/5 - I suggest you go over this chapter a couple of times to remove some of the more obvious pesky little mistakes. I created a short list of some of the mistakes I spotted.

1. After a comma, you need to have a lower case, not upper case.

2. Try rephrasing this sentence because you use 'whistle' twice. 'The whistle of an incoming bomb whistled over us.'

3. You're missing a comma between 'close' and 'Josh' so 'Why are you so damn close, Josh.'

4. You are missing some punctuation after your dialogue in some places.

5. Only use one '!' otherwise it looks a tad tacky.

OVERALL: This was a pretty cool story and I definitely think it's promising. I suggest you think about what I have highlighted above but you don't have to do anything that you don't want to - these are only suggestions.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 24/30