Author: haydenlaschanzky

Title: 3/5 - It's an alright title but it just doesn't grab my attention. It's a tad on the long side, too.

Cover: 3/5 - The same thing goes for the cover. It's just not that wow, I guess. I feel like the red writing doesn't really suit the rest of the cover and the image isn't the best to reflect your genre. Maybe think about looking for a new one in the multimedia thread. There are many people with hella good skills willing to make a cover for you.

Synopsis: 3/5 - The first line of your synopsis was actually quite hooking, then you lost me. I think it would be better if you don't tell us who the murderer is just yet. The use of questions is a tad overused on wattpad nowadays it's really lost it's power. Maybe remove the last question because it really doesn't add anything to the story. It should be the backstory, something we learn slowly as the story progresses. Also, it should be 'than' not 'then you might think.'

Plot: 2/5 - It's all over the place. Sometimes you'd be in third person Sheila perspective, then you'd randomly jump to the killer. There's no mystery for the reader, you're basically just telling us what everyone is doing. (Everyone hypes up Stephen King's books, I suggest you read those to see how he does it.) First mistake, as a writer, you need to narrate the story as it happens - not tell us, but describe. 

I think because this chapter was so short, I don't think you were able to explain/ describe things as well as you could have. Definitely add more length to this story which will help with the descriptions and flow of the story.

Characters: 2/5 - I don't know anything about these character. You haven't really let us connect with them. You tell us the killer's motive - don't do that. Let us find that out with Sheila as she tries to solve the murder. 

SPG: 2/5 - The sentences sounded clumsy and didn't flow as smoothly as they should so it was quite hard to read.

OVERALL: The premise of this story sound pretty strong and with a little more work, this can be made amazing.I just feel like it hasn't gotten there quite yet.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES ( BUT I THINK IT NEEDS MORE WORK)

TOTAL RATING: 15/30