Author: empty-promises

Title: 4/5 - It's a good title for a story in this genre. The title does give away a little about the story and I like that because just by looking at it, I can decide whether I want to read it (and I do.) I also love the little subtitle. It really pulls me in.

Cover: 5/5 - I like this cover a lot. It's very simply yet I would definitely click it if I was perusing through the stories on wattpad. All it is is a bloody hand on a dark blue background, yet I find it perfect.

Synopsis: 4/5 - Its an okay synopsis. I would suggest you build a little one that but if you were to keep it the same, it would still be good. It provides strong building blocks for your story but doesn't give too much away.

Plot: 4/5 - I thought the ending was the best part of the chapter. The way you ended it made me want to read on (unfortunately, there was nothing else for me to read.) I liked how it started in the middle of a maths class. You did set the scene but I don't think it was done as well as it could have been so add more description here.

Characters: 4/5 - I can't wait to see how she responds to Tyler (please message me when you update this book, I'd be interested to see how it progresses.) I felt like the characters weren't as realistic as they could be, maybe that's because it's only the first chapter and they'll improve more as the story goes on. But as it stands, I feel like you could add a little more oomph to them. This could be done by adding more facial expressions and gestures. Now it's basically dialogue and not much else. Having said that, I definitely think that they could be amazing characters.

SPG: 4/5 - I found a few mistakes in your first chapter (highlighted below) and I kindly made you a list.

-You have these random large gaps before your dialogue. I don't know if it was intentional or completely by accident, but it looks weird.

-You need to use commas after you end dialogue and add the tag. Eg, you put '"Sounds delightful." I mutter' but in fact it should be '"Sounds delightful," I mutter.

-You don't have a lot of description to set the scene or tell us how they say things. Add more of that.

-'Coarse' is the word you're looking for here, not 'course' it sounds the same but spelt differently and has different meanings.

OVERALL: This is a good start to your story. I suggest you build on that and add mor info to set the scene because most of the beginning had just dialogue and no tags. Eg "she glared down at me as I responded to her ludicrous statement." Granted, it's not amazing but do you understand?

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 25/30