Author: SkarlitDawn

Title: 4/5 - It's an odd title but it really suits this story so props to you for originality.

Cover: 3/5 - It's not a terribly hideous cover but I think it could do with some work. I suggest you look around, ask other people to do it until you find the perfect one. I don't want to sound insensitive to the person who made it for you (cuz I honestly have so much respect for them, I can't make covers. I get mine made.) but it's a tad tacky. The text doesn't suit the image and the whole cover is a little odd.

Synopsis: 4/5 - This is a very engaging story. I'm a big fan of fantasy stories so my heart did a little jump when I read this. It sounds unique and the idea is definitely original. I can't wait to see how you execute it. The reason why I gave you a 4 instead of 5 is mainly because you are missing a few commas and sometimes the sentences are a little too long. I suggest you try reading out loud and see if you can spot what I'm talking about.

Plot: 5/5 - My heart fell when he revealed that the real reason he was there was to distract her and let the 'elders' steal the child. This was one hell of a ride :) In terms of pace, this went pretty smoothly and the actual content was very intriguing. I was hooked all the way to the end. This is definitely one of the better stories I've read on wattpad.

Characters: 5/5 - I love how you balanced sexy with dangerous really well. I instantly take a liking to your MC. I love everything about her. Again, the man who distracted her was really well developed as a character and I actually felt like I was there. Really well done for creating such 3D characters.

SPG: 4/5 - Sometimes your sentences are a tad too long. You can shorten them by adding a full stop and create two sentences instead. This also creates a lot more tension when writing those very action paced scenes. Below is a short list of some of the more obvious mistakes I spotted. There were a few more but it was nothing major so I didn't see the point in mentioning it. Just go over it yourself and proofread, you should be fine.

-'weak, half rotten...that had definitely see n better days, and pebbles.' Also, italics is not needed on the definitely, no emphasis is needed to be placed here.

-You say 'causing' a lot. That's a passive tone, try changing it to something else, especially in the action packed scene. Here is one example: 'she muttered. Her would be killer/ the man threw back his head and laughed.' That small difference makes it sound tons better.

-'she would die before she allowed anyone to touch a hair from her' this phrasing sounds odd. I suggest you amend it. Maybe change the 'from' to an 'on'

-'A fitting end, really' you missed out a comma.

OVERALL: This was a perfect way of starting your story. The fast paced action and the immediate introduction of the two characters in this altercation made reading your story that more fun and enjoyable. I don't have much to say here other than keep up the good work. You have an amazing story and I'm definitely interested in seeing how this ends.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 25/30