Author: thatTJgirl

Title: 5/5 - Simple but powerful, I like it.

Cover: 3/5 - This cover is alright, but personally the dual pictures don't do it for me. I think that it would have looked better if the backgrounds of the two images were merged together so it doesn't look quite as tacky. They are both very good images but for me, I think only one would have made the cover look amazing. Having said that, I do like the font size and placement. It is tucked away at the bottom so it doesn't take away from the actual image. There are multiple people in the multimedia thread who would be more than happy to help you. Don't feel bad about looking for another cover, your story will thank you.

Synopsis: 3/5 - It's a bit of a cliched one to be completely honest with you. It's been used so many times I cringe when I hear it. Something bad happened and now they are looking for love? Sounds pretty odd to me. Hint at it, or even slide it in when you're writing the story, but don't just blatantly say it.

What new powers? It's so obscure, I feel like some of it is missing. Try rewriting it, don't be scared to throw in a few more details here.

'Twins, Tera and Stormy Montgomery, have...' so you are missing a comma here (but I added it in for you.)

Plot: 3/5 - Your opening paragraph is boring. Don't tell us they are witches or what their powers are. Let us figure it out by ourselves further into your story. Eg, have them display their powers in some way. Also, you describe their abilities but they haven't even had time to use them yet so I would suggest you don't say anything until they actually use the magic.

If this is in America, they are not legal until 21, but if it's in the Uk, then all is good.(Am I to assume it is? I mean, we Brits do say 'pub')

In terms of plot, it's a tad excessive and I find myself wishing it would end already. Prologues are supposed to be short and sweet, this felt like a full blown chapter. Some parts (eg, the party) was unnecessary as it didn't add much to the story. I think you should focus more on the parents and the relationship with their children because when you kill them off, it will leave a larger impact than a mere meh.

So instead of having this wordy part where they go to school and have a party and then find out their parents are dead, keep it short. Have their birthday be on a weekend or something, explore and strengthen your characters' personalities and their interaction with each other.

Characters: 3/5 - Firstly, I commend you on giving your characters such unique names, they reflect on their personalities very well.

I definitely see the potential here with your characters, but I think a little more description is needed to make it better. Small things like what they do when they talk, not just dialogue.

You do a lot of telling and not nearly enough showing so it feels like information is just being thrown at us so I never really manage to formulate my own opinion of the twins, you are simply telling me.

Clearly, Tera is a lot closer to her parent than Stormy but even then, she should be in pieces too. They just found out their parents just died. I don't feel like her reaction is genuine enough. I get that she is being brave for her sister but explain to us what is going on deep inside her. Eg, when Tera tells her about the deaths, maybe have her thinking about how she could never apologize to her parents (Lol, its a crappy example I know, but do you see what I mean?)

Okay so I liked how you ended it with Stormy showing some emotion but if anything happened to my parents (God forbid) I would definitely not want to be alone, I would want to stay with my siblings.

SPG: 3/5 - There were a few issues here, nothing a good proofread can't fix.

-Commas go inside the speech marks. Eg. '"...give you," yells their mother.

-You say 'yells' a lot here, maybe look for synonyms or something. 

-'...especially you, Stormy' you are missing a comma.

-You had a few awkward sentences here that disrupted the flow but reading it out loud should help clear those up.

OVERALL: I definitely see the potential in this story, you do need to edit it a lot to get it there, though. I think that you have an interesting story line and I'm intrigued to see how it will play out.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 20/30