SYNOPSIS:

If I told you that in the future humanity would be destroyed, would you believe me?

A world where humanity hides in holes and lives in fear of the outside world. This is the kind of place Dimitri Soloritur finds himself one day. He is nothing if not your normal everyday athlete but in a place where magic runs rampant and humanity wields nothing more than wooden sticks and stone swords, just how useful are his skills that are derived from a 21'st century middle-class lifestyle?
The story of a young man as he struggles to find out why, when and how...begins.

GENRE: FANTASY

Author: @WriterSolis

PART 1: FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Title: 3/5 - This is a fantasy story. I think the title is okay. I can't comment on much but I do think it is a little generic and it doesn't really reflect the story at all.

Cover: 3/5 - The cover is okay. It's not the most amazing thing I've seen but it works. You have your name on it as well as the title, which I like on covers.

Synopsis: 4/5 - This is a good synopsis. The opening immediately gripped me and I am instantly drawn to the story. However the first sentence of the second paragraph seems incomplete. I think it needs a little more substance. Maybe change 'the' to 'This is the' in the last paragraph as it flows better that way. I think this is written well (minor errors are easily fixed) and you give us a juicy little insight into what the story is about, I like that.

Plot: 5/5 - As this is the prologue, I don't have much to work with in terms of plot. All I can say is that it flowed very well, the pacing was just right and you threw the reader right into your story. I liked how you also explained some terms without it feeling forced onto the reader, rather it just being part of the plot. I also like how you mix in the the magic with the normal non magic people.

Characters: 4/5 - You haven't thrown in a bunch of characters that end up being 3D. You've stuck with one and mentioned others. I feel like this is a good choice as I feel like the world of war is developed strongly.

I like this red head woman. I want to know more about her. Who is she and how does she link to the MC.

You say the red head woman has red scales on the side of her face. Which side? Or is it both?

SPG: 4/5 - This area was near perfect. There were a few typos and small errors I pointed out below. Also, I think you may need to re read it and sort out a few sentences as they didn't make much sense to me. Other than that, well done.

-I think you mean 'coarse' not 'course'

-I feel like there needs to be a full stop somewhere in the sentence beginning with 'He knew that if his position'.

-'... and the sharp fangs that were her teeth' remove 'the' and maybe change it to something like 'sharp fangs for teeth'.

'...long after, His earpiece...' (typo) you need it to be 'his'

OVERALL: This is a really interesting beginning to the story. You immediately go right to the action, none of that nonsense that drags a story and makes it boring to read.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES (based on the prologue I would. However as I have read the next 4 chapters, my opinion at this time would be no)

TOTAL RATING: 23/30

PART 2: THE REST

Chp 2. Part one Beginnings

-You're repeating the word 'wafting' I remember this due to the fact that your prologue was quite short.

-The second paragraph needs some full stops. It also sounds a little long winded and confusing to read. I think you need to reword it.

'Well, saying he was alone wasn't completely accurate. (Full stop here) You could say the animals in the forest were there to keep him company.

-You repeated 'foliage' twice in two sentences. Figure out a synonym for this.

-The part where you talk about his looks and height. You don't need the stuff about being called short by his peers. This is confusing as you say he is of 'average height' but then say that he is called short. Remove the 'though'.

-'brown eyes' (typo) needs to be lower case.

-Either he is curious and cautious or looks aggressive and intimidating. Choose one because they both portray a very different image for your character.

-If mero is a name, it should be capitalised. So 'Mero'

-'keychain's expression...' (typo) as it is singular and not plural. Only one keychain.

-So you finally tell us the MC's name is Dimitri. I thought maybe there was a specific reason for you withholding the name until this point but I don't see it. If there is, please let me know. As it stands I think you should change it and let us have his name. It just allows the readers to connect more to him if we know his name from the get go of the chapter.

-Why is he talking to Mero? Isn't that just a keyring? I'm a little confused.

-Ooo that ending though. Very well written, probably my favourite thing of the whole chapter. It is a gripping way to end the chapter, ensuring that The readers will continue to read on.

Overall: your chapter is very long. Some of what you have written can be cut out altogether. It doesn't add much to the story and just makes it a tad boring to read. However once I reached the halfway point, the pace picked up and I enjoyed the action scene.

There was a little bit of humour sprinkled in, which I liked.

Personally I think you could improve this chapter a little bit by having Dimitri wander through the forest and stuff a little faster and describe what he is seeing a bit more. Also, it was all kind of 'eh, I see this' and 'ooo what are these weird creatures'. I felt disconnected to Dimitri all the way up until he met the little blue creature.

Chp 3. Part two

-You tell a lot, try showing us what you mean instead of saying it outright. For instance, you repeat 'a (something) expression on his/her face'. Don't say this. Try something like 'Arnett staggered backwards, her eyes widening in shock for a fleeting moment before she regained her composure'. See what I did there? Basically what you wrote but no repeated use of 'expression'.

-There is a lot of action here. This is good but also bad. It drags on for too long. The actual actions are too wordy to the point that the overall effect is lessened. You need to vary the lengths of your sentences to give it some oomph.

-Also, why have you done it all in one chapter? Splitting in up would make it so much better to read. If not, have something to split up the scenes. The transitions need to be tweaked a little bit.

-I love how you included Joan of Arc. You did your research very well. I also like how there is humour in here too. Makes it interesting to read.

Chp 4. Part four

-That ending though!! Real good. It made me want to read on and see what happens.

-I'm liking Dimitri's character so far. The development is slow but it's getting there and like what I see.

-Hahha that threat in the beginning cracked me up.

Chp 5. Part five - End

-Hahaha Dimitri is so sassy.

-I loved the plot here. The machine detector thing was kinda cool.

-You need to be careful with the way you write things. Reread it and vary your sentence lengths.

-Also '...' is not speech. Think about what the character is saying (or not saying) and convey that through the facial expressions and body language.

Overall: I realise my review is minimal for the last 2 chapters. This is because the same issue is repeated through all of the chapters and I really didn't want to keep repeating myself. The plot itself is quite interesting and gripping but there needs to be less fluff around it to make it just that little bit better.

PART 3: CONCLUSION

Your story shows great promise. The plot is very unique and interesting however the way you write makes it quite hard to follow. The action scenes go on forever and are too wordy. The chapters themselves can be shortened immensely as a result. Something to keep in mind - on wattpad it is good to have chapters that are about 1000-3000 words long so as to not lose the reader's interest. I feel like your chapters are much longer than this. Vary your sentence lengths and focus more on the action scenes.

When I'm writing, I like to give myself a few days before I publish so I can read over what I have written objectively. This is because I haven't touched it for a few days and the mistakes and convoluted sentences show up and make it easier for me to fix. I suggest you try something like that as opposed to waiting for an editor to sort it for you. You need to know how to write an amazing story ( that includes more than just a gripping plot) and to do that I suggest you read others stories within your genre and learn their style.