Author: LolaBey

Title: 5/5 - I like it, it reflects your story well without giving too much away.

Cover: 3/5 - It's okay; it doesn't make me want to check out your story though. I find it a tad too plain.

Synopsis: 4/5 - It's very cliched but if that's what you're going for, then you did a good job. If I was into cliched stories, this this would definitely be the one I would want to check out.

Plot: 5/5 - Again, it's a very cliched plot but going along with that theme, amazing break up scene. I felt so damn sorry for your MC when he went and kissed her sister. Can I just say EW! However, I do think you could've added more description to make it more 'OMG! HE CHEATED ON HER! THE BASTARD.' Instead of the 'damn, that sucks' thing I feel you have going on.

Characters: 3/5 - I couldn't connect with any of them, maybe that's because you didn't describe it as well as you could've. I feel like your MC could be more than how you portrayed her, she wasn't very interesting and I really couldn't care less about her. You repeated useless information which messed up the flow of your writing. For example: you wrote 'He was accusing me of cheating' No kidding Sherlock, he did just say that he thinks you're cheating on him! So I was thinking, maybe change it into something where the MC could explain how she feels about it. Maybe 'I stared at him, speechless. I couldn't believe that he had the audacity to accuse me of cheating on him! What the hell was his problem?' See what I did there? (Granted, it's not perfect but I'm created a voice, whereas before, she was just repeating.)

SPG: 4/5 - It was okay, I did spot a few errors here and there but it wasn't anything major. A good proofread should clear that up for you. I think your main issue is the description. Personally, I thought your SPG were fine.

OVERALL: I found this chapter very hard to get into and your MC's voice was very dull. I felt like there were too many choppy sentences which disrupted the flow. Having said that, you have a good idea but maybe focus more on the execution of it. Add more feelings and emotions. I just couldn't FEEL how your MC reacted to the break up (even though she initiated it.)

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 24/30