Author: Shagun_

Title: 4/5 - At first, I didn't really like it because it is a tad wordy but considering the fact that your genre is chick lit it kind of works.

Cover: 5/5 - I like this cover, it's sort of cute and it works well with everything you have going on.

Synopsis: 5/5 - Quite shnazzy actually. It sounds awesome and I'm definitely intrigued right now so I can't wait to see what the rest of your story sounds like.

Plot: 4/5 - It started off really interesting (loved the lesbian scene) and the ending was bloody perfect too. However the middle was where you lost me. It was too much telling and not enough showing. I got to know what she did but not why she did it. I had no emotions- I couldn't connect to her. It was like I was watching through a blurry glass screen as opposed to standing right next to her. I suggest you think about what is relevant to you story's progression and how you could write it in a way that isn't 'Then this happened then that happened and I was happy' kind of thing. Having said that, there were moments -sparks, if you will- that made me go awww, eg the dad and mum part (kinda makes it sooo much worse later on when that happens - I can't say it as people read these reviews and might be tempted to read your story and I don't want to spoil it for them)

Quick question: Why would the brother want to see his sister kissing someone? That's a tad gross in my opinion. I suggest you either reword it or change it so that a friend walks in on them.

Characters: 5/5 - They are all well formed characters that are slowly building their own individual personalities. This is looking good so far. I love how you chose a unique name for your MC. None of that crappy standardized one.  A good name gives your character an individual personality and I like that you chose Raelyn. That relationship between the parents is life goals right there. So darn adorable.

SPG: 4/5 - This section was pretty good. Your sentences were well formed but sometimes the wording was off or it was too long. Hence the score only being 4/5 instead of the full thing. However the smaller mistakes really didn't affect me from being sucked into the story, it was just something I thought you would like to know. There was just one very obvious error (seen below)

-'Low, seductive voice' you're missing the comma which I kindly added for you.

OVERALL: This was an amazing start to your story. It flowed well and ended perfectly. So much so that I couldn't help myself but to read on and on and on (currently on chapter 6 atm)

WOULD YOU RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 27/30