SYNOPSIS:

'In which Johnathan is given a second chance to love and to lose her again.'

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Author: PurpleCielo1117

Title: 3/5 - I don't have any sudden connections with the title. 'Memories' isn't a bad title, but I don't think it's a very 'OMG I HAVE TO READ THIS STORY RIGHT NOW' kind of title. Having said that, it does make me start to wonder what exactly the story is about. I just find it a tad generic.

Cover: 5/5 - The blue flowers go well with the text, which has been wonderfully placed at the bottom of the cover so not to obscure the view of the flowers. Also, I love how the flowers are the center of the image and the person holding the flowers is blurred out. I think it works beautifully with the title so well done for that.

Synopsis: 1/5 - This is not a blurb. It basically gives me one line into what the story could be about but not enough to even make me remotely bothered to open the book. (Which is a shame because your cover definitely has a pull factor). Also, it sort of irks me when the blurbs start with 'in which' because that doesn't really give me much to go on and immediately disconnects me from the book. I would like to point out that the sentence doesn't make much sense to me due to the 'love and lose her again' part, as you haven't spoke about a her before.

Plot: 5/5 - The writing style is very unique and I like how he kind of talk TO his wife instead of about her. This is a technique I've seen only once (in a book called stolen by Lucy Christopher). Maybe more people have done it, but I think you have done it exceptionally well. So the plot follows Johnathan and how he is reflecting on the death of his dementia suffering wife. I like the premise of the story so I can tell you I was definitely drawn in.

Characters: 5/5 - So I'm assuming that this isJohnathan speaking here. I can definitely feel his, I guess, apathy as he doesn't know if he really loves her anymore. I find that really sad, especially how she died. My hair literally rose from my skin. I like the way his detachment is coming through, also coupled with the way she died makes me think that maybe he feels a tad responsible. What I found interesting was that he has forgotten about her already. Maybe he has a new chick on the side?

SPG: 5/5 - There were hardly any errors and the ones I did find didn't take away from the story. The way it was written (split into one line paragraphs) was something I found very effective.

-'broken; I was surprised' I'm not really sure the semi-colon works here. Maybe a full stop would be better.

-'lifeless but...' requires a comma. So 'lifeless, but...'

-Again, 'picture but...' to 'picture, but...'

OVERALL: As I stated before, my critiques are based on everything INCLUDING the synopsis so I do apologize if I sounded harsh and gave a crappy rating on that section. I love how you have organised you chapters and the preface. It's all very professional looking, so props to you. Overall, there is nothing much to say in terms of improvement for you. I think that you have a strong story as it is and I guess just build on it. Make sure every single chapter carries the same punch as this one does and I know that before long, millions of people would have read your story.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 26/30