Author: dangerousliaison

Title: 4/5 - It's a sweet title and doesn't give much away. I like it.

Cover: 4/5 - I love your cover, it's beautiful. However I feel like the text looks a tad odd and it just doesn't suit.

Synopsis: 4/5 - It's a good synopsis for the genre. I like how you don't give too much away while still maintaining the reader's interest.

Plot: 4/5 - I like the way you name your chapters, that was cool. The ending had me spluttering in amusement I just had to read on and see what happens next. I like the plot so far but I feel like it's moving too fast in some places and some more description is needed. For example, maybe elaborate on the break up scene because I just couldn't connect with your MC at the start. (It did get better the further I read though.) I also felt like you did more telling than showing, especially with the sisterly bond part. Maybe try showing how close they are rather than just state it. Again, you tell us she doesn't like shopping. You can use this as an opportunity to show us, how does she act in the shopping mall, what is her tone like. Small things like that can really improve your writing and let us connect more with the MC.

Character: 5/5 - I thought Jo was hilarious and I loved the way she acted in the end. You have a very interesting set of characters, just focus on maintaining their awesomeness really. Nothing else is needed to be said.

SPG: 4/5 - Sometimes you changed tenses which made it sound odd, try sticking with one and writing the whole story like that. Also, maybe put speech on another line, especially when others are talking. When you wrote 'Brawl all over' I was a little bit confused because brawl means to fight, in which case, the 'all' is unnecessary (unless you meant something else and I didn't understand)

OVERALL: This was an interesting first chapter. I do suggest that you go over it and iron out a few errors concerning the tense change and add more description. Other than that, I thought it was quite good.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 25/30