SYNOPSIS:

How can a girl's life turn upside-down from the second she was born? Easy. Her eyes.

GENRE: SCIENCE FICTION 

Author: SalamotBalogun

Title: 4/5 - It's an alright title. Jade on it's own is a little meh but because I'm basing it on everything about your story, I think the title suits well.

Cover: 4/5 - This cover is absolutely beautiful. My problem is that it doesn't really call out to me as a sci-fi story just by looking at it. I'm still on the fence about it but since I'm feeling nice, I'll give you marks based on the awesomeness of your cover.

Synopsis: 1/5 - It's not really much of a synopsis. It doesn't immediately make me go 'OMG I HAVE TO READ THIS AMAZING STORY RIGHT NOW' Maybe that is because it's really short and doesn't deliver an oomph. I suggest you add a little more to this so readers can get a general idea on what your story i about.

Plot: 4/5 - Have you read 'Candor by Pam Bachorz' by any chance? Your story kind of reminds me of that book. It's not necessarily a bad thing, I was just curious. 

I think you put in a lot of work with building your world to the point where I could literally imagine myself there. Good job. 

In terms of what you have introduced, it's good. I like your pacing, there's no rush. I do have a little issue with the flow. You use '~.-.~' where you can actually write a nice joining paragraph. For example, the part where she's talking to her parents and the guards take them, then the next scene is with Madam Endrea who gives her a necklace. There is just no fluidity. This can easily be rectified by adding an extra paragraph that maybe details what happens between the two parts. 

Characters: 4/5 - Hot damn! Madam Endrea is a class A BEEP (*wink wink* you know what I mean) I am honestly so curious to find out what the bleeding hell is her problem. Why did she steal Jade? I have so many questions, this amazing. 

Jade is an interesting character. I like the fact that her special feature (If I can call it that) is her shnazzy jade eyes and her mind control. I would like to point out that her reaction to what her parents said sort of wasn't what I was expecting, especially with the mind control on top of it. Why is she not freaking out? Or at least rationalizing it somehow to make it seem that she is all blase about it. 

I like how you've introduced the characters. It was like a carry-on from the prologue where we initially meet Jade's parents and Madam Endrea. 

SPG: 3/5 - Hm, this part was actually alright. However I did notice you used 'I' a lot which made you're story read funny. Maybe try rewording a few sentences here and there. 

-'...from us wh-,' I don't think the comma is needed when you have '-' so remove it. 

-'now, empty room' I don't understand the need for the comma. I suggest you remove it. 

-So based on this chapter I'm going to assume that this is written in first person present. You do used the present tense most of the time but you do slip up every now and then. I'm sure a good read through could help. Eg: you wrote: 'before they were dragged away, their eyes turned back to their normal color' 'were' should be 'are' and 'turned' should be 'turn'

The above is only one example but there were a few more inconsistencies. 

OVERALL: I really liked this story, it definitely was written well. I think with a little more work, this will be so much better than it already is. You describe things well at times and at others I'm left thinking 'what are these people doing with their hands'. Having said that, I'm loving the cliffhanger. Whop Whop, can't wait to read on and see what happens next. 

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 20/30