Author: VagrantDust

Title: 5/5 - I like this title, it reflects the theme of your story really well.

Cover: 2/5 - The red writing that has your name on it cannot be seen very well because of the red in the background. Also, the white font doesn't work well in my opinion as there is stuck a stark difference between the image and the writing. Overall, I don't think this cover is able to present your story the way it should. I would suggest you look for another one. There are many people in the multimedia thread who are more than happy to create a cover for you.

Synopsis: 3/5 - It has some strong points here but I feel like it could be written better. I was very confused with the whole 'he' business. If he is the main person, tell us. Give him a name. Let us get drawn in before we even open the story.

Plot: 5/5 - The way you opened this story was beautiful. The imagery, description and voice of your character blew me away. I can really feel the poor sucker's pain. You have the right balance between describing his situation and this mysterious girl in red. I honestly can't fault this.

Characters: 5/5 - I love how you describe this scene without actually spelling out for us that he's dead. 

SPG: 5/5 - This was almost perfect. The thing that stood out most for me was the repetitiveness of some of the words. Eg. 'he sobbed and moaned' maybe try looking for synonyms.

-'Wailing and moaning' are good on their own, you don't need to add 'lamenting' too. Also, you already used it in the beginning so it is better to avoid the word for a bit.

OVERALL: I've never come across a story like this before. The emotion and sadness you convey is breathtaking. I can just imagine the whole thing happening and the following sequence of events. It was just amazing.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 25/30