Author: Becka_Sutton

Title: 5/5 - Interesting. I don't think I've ever heard a book with this title so props to you for originality. To be frank, I find it very odd and I would definitely click on it just out of curiosity to see what it is about and that is the kind of reaction you want from potential readers.

Cover: 5/5 - It's dark, it's edgy and it's perfect for your chosen genre. The placement of image and text was done quite well which gives you a polished, professional finish.

Synopsis: 4/5 - I like it, you give a little bit of information but keep just a bit to keep me interested. The smallest thing that kind of bugged me when I was reading was those odd spaces before the first words on your last 3 sentences. Otherwise, very good synopsis.

Plot: 4/5 - You had a strong start. I liked that, I was hooked in and could picture the whole scene playing out in my mind perfectly. This chapter didn't feel tiring to read as I enjoyed it. Your plot moved at a decent pace and of course, my favorite was the first scene.

I think your descriptions are lovely but sometimes that can be a downfall when writing action scenes. I should know, I do it all the time in my story but for some reason, I can easily spot it in other people's work :( Eg, (The added and slows the pace a little bit)He cried out, staggering backwards. (Maybe say something about her speed instead of 'in the split second he was praying' because that disrupts the flow a little bit.) Maybe think about fixing the phrasing of your words to improve this part, but other than that, it was pretty cool.

Characters: 5/5 - I like how you used the age old coffin thing. Kind of missed that in stories, now I think about it. It's all modernized and sleeping in beds or no sleep at all (as we found out in Twilight) so I like that you have a little 'Drac' in your story.

I think that you could potentially add more emotions when David hears that his dad died. I don't think it was as much as a heartbreaking moment as it should have, even though you mentioned that he wasn't very close to his dad. I did love that you dropped in that the family had suffered loss in the past. I definitely want to find out more in that aspect.

I must say, what a nice vampire. Not prying further into his mind because it had nothing to do with the hunt. I liked the vampire instantly (from his pov) and even more so when I got to read her thoughts.

SPG: 5/5 - This section was nearly impeccable -I liked that. It made reading it very smooth. Here are the main three things I picked up on:

-'With that in mind, he checked...' you're missing a comma which I added for you.

-So this is kind of a preference thing, you don't have to change it: you say 'wild rose oil' and the next para, 'he rose' it sounds a little strange to have the same word read twice (has different meanings in context) but I think it would be better if you either used a different verb or rearranged the order of the list of things in his bag.

-'First three rooms WERE empty' not 'was'. You need plural here.

OVERALL: This chapter flowed well, you haven't overdone it. I loved the way you ended it. I am intrigued to see who the hell has been tampering with David's brain, so yeah, very good ending. I don't have much to say in terms of improvement, but I hope what I have said before has helped you somewhat.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 28/30