Author: stormhunter07

Title: 5/5 - I'm liking the title, it suits your genre well.

Cover: 3/5 - I personally don't find this cover very aesthetically pleasing and I really don't think it does your story justice. It is the first thing potential readers will see and while it's not terrible (correction - It's meh) it doesn't tell the readers how awesome of writer you are. Therefore I suggest you look for a new cover.

Synopsis: 4/5 - It's a very engaging synopsis. You've told us who your MC is and a little about her (I'm liking her already) and you've built up the tension between her and Aaron. I have highlighted to few mistakes you made in you synopsis below.

-'In fact' not 'infact'

-'Hottie' not 'Hotty'

-'Fight like cats and dogs' not 'fights'

Plot: 4/5 - Okay, firstly you started your story in the most cliched way possible, Alarm clock ringing. I don't think you should start it like that. Having her brother wake her up would suffice and the following interaction was pretty interesting. The part in the car confused me. She said she doesn't remember anything of the day yet the day hasn't even started. In the comments, you explained this to someone why had the same question as me however as a reader, that isn't obvious so I suggest you make it clearer. In terms of events, it was a bit of an information dump, you could cut out a lot and just focus on the main points of the chapter. Having said that, there was a nice flow to your story and I loved the way you ended it. This is the main reason why I gave you a 4 instead of a 3 like I would have if you had any other ending.

Characters: 3/5 - In terms of characters right now, Kyle seems like a stereotypical bimbo loving dude. There is nothing wrong with that but it is better if he slowly gains his own type of personality somewhere along the way as the story progresses. The low score is due to this - Don't be upset by it, it's completely understandable as it is only the first chapter and the characters are yet to shine.

The MC sounds interesting enough. I definitely want to know why her school experience wasn't memorable and I want to know what happened to make her the self absorbed person she is now.

SPG: 4/5 - This section was alomst perfect, save for the few mistakes you made (I've mentioned a few below) but read through it again yourself and see if you can spot any more. These were the only ones that stood out to me.

-'Then I again went to sleep' doesn't make sense. I suggest you rephrase this sentence into something like 'Then I went back to sleep'

-Your 'BEEP's and 'Bang's need to be Italicized.

-If you are including a dialogue tag after the dialogue and it's something like 'she said' it needs to have a comma. So instead of putting '"...late sissy," my brother shouted'

-Also, the term sissy means wimp, I highly doubt that's what you meant.

- Make sure you include dialogue full stops or commas throughout your work. It's something I spotted you do irregularly.

-It's usually better to stick with only three ellipsis '...' otherwise you could be there all day doing the dots.

OVERALL: This is a promising story. There were moments in your story where you hit the mark in terms of description and engagement and other times you missed it by a mile. However it is a very cool story with an intriguing plot line. I definitely encourage you to continue writing it - I can see the potential it has.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 23/30