Author: xflowerpetalsx

Title: 4/5 - I like this title. It sounds kinda fantasy-ish and that is one of my favourite genres so yeah, I think this is a really interesting title.

Cover: 4/5 - It's a good cover. I like the sword (I'm thinking it links in somehow.) The font of the text is quite cool but the colour kind of clashes with the actual cover so maybe think about fixing that. Otherwise, I personally think that this is an awesome cover which suits your genre well.

Synopsis: 4/5 - This is definitely an interesting idea and I feel like you have articulated it well in your synopsis. I want to read on and see if this magical world can actually suck me in. I found one obvious mistake in the text: 'boyfriend, and blah blah blah' you are missing the comma between 'boyfriend' and 'and'. What the comma does is it creates a list between everything because right now, (without the comma) it reads like her going to college is one thing and finding a boyfriend and settling down is another. Even though I get what you mean, it's correct to add the comma. Just a little thing to think about: many people say it's wrong to start a sentence with a 'but' and an 'and' but it doesn't really bother me.

Plot: 5/5 - I liked the idea that you started this in the middle of an action scene. I was immediately hooked and wanted to know more. In terms of what you included, I thought the length of the prologue was good and the cliffhanger made me want to read on to see what happens next.

Characters: 5/5 - Your MC sounds pretty feisty and I like that about her. She has a voice that is unique to her.

SPG: 3/5 - I thought that this section could benefit from a little more work. You have the idea, I think you need to focus more on execution.

-Your first paragraph makes no sense whatsoever. I don't even know how to help you fix that. All I can say is read over it and you'll (hopefully) spot what I'm talking about. You are missing a few commas and the phrasing is a bit off. Also, you're not using the ellipsis the right way.

-You can't say 'shot my eyes' but you can say 'my eyes shot in every direction'

-Okay, so again, the phrasing of the sentences are a bit off and you're lacking commas and full stops in the right place. Just go over it a little more.

-Another thing, this chapter didn't flow very well and was stilted in places. This was due to your phrasing of sentences so try to go over it or have an editor/ friend help you out if you are unable to figure out what's wrong.

Top tip: when writing this high packed action scenes, it's better to use short sentences to add more of a thrill to it.

OVERALL: This was definitely an interesting start to your story. I'd say it is an effective prologue. I also liked that you hint at themes that are later introduced. (I had to check out the first chapter out of curiosity) and I likes what you did there.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 25/30