Author: MCPittpow

Title: 5/5 - This is a cute title, and it has the right effect. I want to read more.

Cover: 4/5 - The cover is very simple but it really works. The cursive writing of your title at the bottom doesn't take away from the image, but enhances it.

Synopsis: 5/5 - It's a bit on the short side but I love how it hints at what the story is about and gives nothing away. very mysterious, well done.

Plot: 4/5 - Wow! Your opening immediately dragged me in, you have strong descriptions here to the point where I can vividly imagine what the scene looks like.

I don't understand the whole date-time thing. It just kind of sticks out to me (lol maybe it's just me being stupid) but maybe clarify that a little bit.

Quick question, why would you kiss someone when there is someone watching you? I get that the girl holds all the secrets and stuff but still, even in a straight relationship, it seems odd when there is literally no one else but the couple and her in the room.

Also, Eric tells Nikolai that he dumped his girlfriend for him before they go to school, but you never tell us what the reaction is in school. After all, that is one hell of a bombshell.

Characters: 5/5 - I think you have created Nikolai perfectly. His thoughts crack me up (eg the 'is it really fat shaming when it's your own mind) He is an interesting MC, to say the least. I love how he has normal teenage struggles and basically cries. You've included what makes a human, well, human and he doesn't feel like a fake person.

All your characters have a personality from the get go and I like that. They are all original in their own way. I liked the interaction between Phil and Nikolai and my heart went out to their parents in hospital. That's another thing, you didn't just randomly tell us the parents were in hospital, you dropped it in the conversation so seamlessly I didn't even bat an eyelid. Now it makes me wonder what happened to them so I will want to read on.

SPG: 4/5 - I suggest you proofread. The mistakes were nothing major and they didn't disrupt the flow or take away from the scene you were painting.

-'horrible, filthy' you are missing a comma between the words as they are adjectives used to describe the room.

-'to the some kind of museum' I think the 'the' is unnecessary here.

-The ellipses are not needed when you have the comma so instead of having 'well...,' you leave it at 'well,'

-'too many' not 'to' you're missing the 'o'

-'more disappointed than happy' not 'then'

-Sometimes you were missing words so I had to fill them in. Having said that, this story definitely has a unique feel to it, something I haven't read before.

OVERALL: Well done, this is a very engaging first chapter. Definitely a delight to read. I do suggest you go over it and fix some parts but otherwise, this is amazing.

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 27/30