Author: BoboBeaufill

Title: 5/5 - I think the title you have created goes well with your theme.

Cover: 4/5 - This is a very interesting cover choice. It's simple yet it also reflects your story well, I like it.

Synopsis: 5/5 - I love the way you write using 'you' instead of the usual types of books. It's quite unique and it definitely pulls me in.

Plot: 5/5 - I thoroughly enjoyed reading the first chapter. The story flowed well and I strongly believe you have a strong plot. I thought the kid was going to get murdered by John for a moment there but I'm glad that didn't happen.

Characters: 5/5 - Again, using 'you' made me feel as though I was the boy and I had all these issues. I think you created your character very well. Also, the way you described John was exceptional, I was almost afraid (lol).

SPG: 3/5 - I caught a few mistakes (listed below) when I was reading through but it's nothing a good proofreading can't fix. You also have a little issue with the punctuation but again, just read over it and I'm sure you'll know what to do.

1. 'He shoved to you the rusted mace you now hold.' This makes absolutely no sense so I suggest rephrasing, maybe 'He He shoved the rusted mace at you, the one you now hold in your slick palms.'

2. 'But you was thrown from your home.' You should used the past tense of was, 'But you WERE thrown from your home.'

3. 'Hanging in filthy matted clumps.' This is missing a comma so 'Hanging in filthy, matted clumps.'

4. The whole 'his' then 'it's' when describing John is odd. Stick to one or the other.

5. 'The man beside me leans in.' This doesn't fit the pattern so maybe, 'The man beside YOU leans in.' Again, 'Thunder in my ears.' Should be 'Thunder in YOUR ears.'

6. 'He roared 'With my jokes' I feel like it looks better like this (I also think it's grammatically correct but don't quote me, I might be wrong), 'He roared: "With my jokes"'

OVERALL: This was a good first chapter, it was well written (if you overlook the few mistakes) and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It flowed well and you describe the settings and such incredibly well too so I wasn't bored when I was reading. Also, I feel like it was just the right length. I was kept guessing right till the end, which I loved (I hate predictable books sometimes.)

WOULD I RECOMMEND: YES

TOTAL RATING: 27/30