~~~ Baekhyun - Rain ~~~

Self-destruction is something that comes suddenly. And the person that it concerns, is usually not aware of that.  Everyone else is, apart of that one particular person.

She was aware of it, but the difference was that she didn't care. She didn't care about anything.

If she was given the choice, she would not get up from the bed to go to school, or to anywhere at this point.

She realized how badly she was doing, when even a teacher called her to his office, to talk to her in all seriousness. When Baek or Bora tried to talk to her, she just brushed it off, but when teacher Seo, seated her down in front of him, scanning her with worry in his eyes.

"What is going on with you, miss Oh," he didn't bother with beating bush around, folding arm on his chest as he leaned against the desk.

"I don't understand, what you mean, teacher Seo," she met his eyes with her blank one.

"You walk around soullessly for past few weeks. I noticed you look tired almost all the time, but this time, I'm actually thinking that you are not sleeping at all," she wished, everyone could just ignore her, but she could not blame anyone. She looked dreadful.

"I feel great. Did I mess up my score in the last exam?" she asked. She didn't mind if she messed up. Her grades are almost spotless, she will just have to makes sure to fix it next time. She didn't feel bothered by it.

"No, that's not the problem here. I didn't call you here to scold you about your score, which is still perfect, by the way. I just worry about you. I wanted to talk to you, before I will make a decision and call your parents," the teacher was softly threatening her, gaining her attention. She frowned at him. He almost smiled, when he noticed he got a reaction out of her.

"There is no need to do that, teacher. I'm perfectly fine. I'm sure you read my file, I do have problems with sleep, but I function alright during the day. My parents are busy, you don't need to disturb them," she was speaking as politely as she was able to.

"I know all that, Jihye. But I would like to help you. You may not say it out loud, but your eyes are screaming for someone to help you," he tilted his head a little, causing his bangs to fall into his face.

"I don't need help, thank you for your concern. If I need it though, I will make sure to contact you," she smiled at him sullenly. There was no way, she will be sharing her struggles with her English teacher, no matter how handsome or kind he was.

"I will believe you," with that he let her go, she almost felt bad, but brushed it off quickly.

Since that day, she did the right thing, as she called it in her head, although she didn't feel right at all, she made sure to avoid any possible places, where she could run into him. That was why, she was looking around her all distrait, whenever she was out in the hallways.

Good thing was, he was trying to not meet her as well. That's how badly she hurt him back then. He couldn't stand to see her, or hear her... He didn't come to their house anymore. Which left her alone in there, most of the time, because  Sehun was usually in Jun's house these days. She didn't complain. It made it easier for her, because whenever Sehun was at home, he was bugging her, wanting to talk to her, just like everyone else.

Just like she thought before, just how certain she was, being with Jun was wrong. It was bad for her and for him mainly. Before, when he didn't pay attention and they were practically strangers, all was good. She could enjoy his presence, unnoticed. She was allowed to ogle at him, without anyone knowing. She saw him every day.

That's gone.

She doesn't have the permission to even ask, how he is. Or she didn't give one to herself, no matter how much she wished to interrogate her brother. She didn't have a right to think about him... but she couldn't help it. Her heart ached so bad and she knew, he was doing bad as well.

She was alone at home in the evening.  She was on her spot on the floor in the sitting room, covered in blanket, working on her project for English. She was engrossed with her work, ignoring her eyes stinging, how over tired they were. Her phone was buzzing from the group chat between her and her friends. She ignored it, although she was aware Baek and Bora joined in to try and get her attention.

The landline started to ring. Her hand with pen held mid-air, her sight landing on the phone on little table by the wall. Her heart started to beat fast, waking up her stiffened body. She was about to leave it be, not pick it up this time, but before she could even start thinking, she was up on her feet and on the way to the phone.

She was determined. She will not let this whole thing with phone calls, dictate her life. She didn't have to rush, because the ringing always last forever, before that someone eventually give up.

She grabbed the earpiece and held it against her ear.

This time she decided to not yell, not get worked up or upset. She stayed silent, just like the person on the other side of the line.

The silence was prolonging, as she listened to the wheezing. Jihye was shaking at this point, crushing the earpiece in her hand, her palms sweating profoundly. Maybe it was hopeless to try being patient. She was about to start asking questions, just like always, when the person breathed in, resolutely.

"... Yun...," Jihye heard raspy voice, trying to say something. Her heart stopped in the middle of frantic beating, holding her breath, she waited for the person to try and express whatever it was. "... Yun Hee," it was a girl's name.

"There is no Yun Hee in this house," Jihye decided to let the individual know, frowning. Her mom's name wasn't Yun Hee and there was no one else, who could have had this name in her family.

"Yun Hee...," person repeated, their voice becoming more urgent. Still it was hard to tell, if it was man or woman, she was talking to. Then the call got disconnected, with loud click from the other side.

Who is Yun Hee? Even though, she didn't find out anything, that would explain this whole thing, she felt better, now that the person finally said something. Jihye went back to her place, thinking about her options.

Maybe she should stop walking around aimlessly and do something.

She was nestling on the ground for another five minutes, before thinking of a plan. She needs to give it shot and try find out some information. It was time for her to stop running away. She didn't know why she needed to do this now, out of all the time she felt so hopeless. Maybe the whole thing with Jun made her realise, by hiding and pretending the problem is not there, she won't solve anything at all.

She stood up from her spot, aiming to the corridor. At the end of it, there was an office belonging to father. That was where she needed to start. She was almost certain, she will be able to find out the ID of a caller in the bills stored in that big folder in Dad's library.

If not, there was another thing that never occurred to her. She never got the urge of wanting to find out more about her adoption. Although, there was the main question on the top of her head, that she always wanted to know the answer to. Why? Why was she adopted? But that was a natural, she guessed.

She never went inside of the office with intentions she had right now. She usually ran inside to hide, when she played with Sehun, or she went there to bother her dad, when she was small... sitting on his lap and asking every possible question.

This was for the first time, she walked inside, decided to find stuff about the past she didn't know about or to face her fear and finally try and search for the person behind the calls.

When she stopped in front of the robust desk, biting the inside of her cheek in nervousness, that sank inside her stomach, she hesitated. Can she do that? What if, the thing she will discover makes her suffer? What if there is nothing to find out?

Maybe it was better to wait for her parents to come back from their trip and ask them personally. She was few years late, but they should know that she knows.

The thing she should do is to stop making excuses and just do whatever her heart was telling her. If she can't be happy by Jun's side, she better be occupying her mind with her problems. And there is loads of those. She stopped in front he the large library and began to look for the folder that was in her mind. It didn't take too long for her find it. She took it out and spilled its content on the neatly organised desk, frantically going through the papers.

After half an hour, she had few numbers written down, judging from the times they were incoming to this house. She will look them up on the internet later.

She placed the folder with all the papers back on its original spot and started with her second mission, which was trickier, because she didn't have clue where to look. She searched through the desk's drawers and boxes pushed underneath it but she didn't see anything interesting.

"What are you doing, Ji?" She was in the middle of trying to open locked up register on the side of the desk, when she heard her brother's voice. She lifted her eyes to see him standing in the door frame, his eyebrows high up, watching her struggle. She almost got a heart attack seeing him there, she panicked for a second and then started think of a believable excuse as of why she was about to break into this damned cabinet.

"I was looking for a... a stapler," she exclaimed, straitening her back, placing her hands on her thighs to stop them from shaking. Sehun frowned with his dark eyebrows, slowly walking towards the desk. He stopped, just to reach on the surface and wave at her with stapler, which was sitting visibly there for her to see it the moment she comes inside of the room. She nervously laughed.

"Care to tell me the real reason for you to be snooping around?" he seated his butt on the edge of the desk, narrowing his eyes at her. He always knew when she lied. Sometimes it was unbearable how much they knew each other.

"I don't have to explain anything to you," she decided to slip into a defence, as always. She heard him sigh, as she was about to leave him there.

"Jihye, what is going on with you these days. We were always close, why are you distancing yourself. And its not only me, its everyone. Bora and Baekhyun are constantly whining about you, my head is about to explode, because for some reason they choose me as the right person to complain about you," he grumbled, with pout on his lips.

"I just wish everyone would leave me alone!" she let out with her voice strangled a little, as she tried to not take his words too seriously. She just needs a little time out, that's all. Or she was trying to lie to herself. As she kicked Jun out of her life, she did the same with everyone else. To punish herself. She didn't deserve anyone to be by her side, if she was the way she was at the moment.

"That's the problem. We are all here for you... I even thought your relationship with Junmyeon had improved and then...," she didn't let him finish talk, because she couldn't handle it. She didn't want to hear it.

"I don't want you to be here for me. I'm sick of it. Everyone is tiptoeing around me like I'm some sort of time bomb, that can explode anytime. For once in my life I will try to deal with my issues on my own," she turned around, facing her brother. She kind of knew, this confrontation will arise at some point.

"Some issues are not to be dealt with alone, Jihye. If it puts you in danger then...," he was dreading to talk to her about this. And she was too, but she just crossed the line and there was no way to go back.

"If it puts me in danger, it means the same for everyone. I know, I'm aware of that. That's why it's better If I'm alone. I don't want to go to doctor, I know you want me to go again, but I just can't go... I will manage on my own. Just don't mind me...," she stared into his eyes, seeing the pain... it reminded her of Jun so much. It hurt as hell.

"How can you say something like that?" she didn't want to hurt her brother as well... but it was too late. "How can I not mind, you are my younger sister. I love you, Ji. All I want is to protect you. It's my job as a brother...," he walked closer to her, but she backed away.

"It's not your job. Just like it was not Jun's duty to save me from drowning, it's not yours either! You don't have to save me!" she yelled at him. All those supressed emotion in her chest just decided to burst out in one powerful flow. Sehun blinked once, his eyes growing bigger as he realised, that she knows it all. He raised his hand up in order to probably touch her, to comfort her.

"Ji...," he let out, his voice broke. She was close to start crying, when she saw how much her brother loves. She was breaking someone's heart again. How much she will have to hurt everyone until she will be left alone, without anyone? Will she have to go all the way? No one seemed to understand her anymore... but she didn't understand herself either.

She stormed out of the room, locking herself in her own bedroom, which became the only sanctuary safe from the outside world. She was upset, but her mind was set on her mission. She had to proceed.

She looked up the telephone numbers she found in dad's office on the internet.

It led her to this hospital located in Seoul. She needs to stay focused and sort out problems of hers, one at the time. Looks likes she will go on the trip to Seoul then. She made up her mind to dig up everything...

~~~

Hellooooo,

Question of the day - Is there anyone who can understand what is Jihye going through?

Also sorry for the wait!😊😊

I'm no sure if I mentioned before but I'm in the middle of process of moving... again😁 but this time it's United Kingdom —> Spain😁😅😎 so it requirers a bit more preparations🙈😁

But he fact I'm moving will improve the situation with the time I lack👌 means more time for writing... my new job will give me more free time!
Can't wait!

Anyways!! I know the thing are dark atm and they might get even darker!!! We will go down with the mood, if that's even possible... are you wondering if I plan happy ending?? Hah well let's see right?? We are not quite there anyways😎

But until the next time 😂

Love ya as always!