22. The End
~~~ EXO - White noise ~~~
Don't misunderstand.
She knew, she is adopted. She knew it for eternity. She accepted that fact long time ago, even though it was hard.
Thing that made her lose the last bits of clear thinking, was the reason the way she was, because of her biological parents. Whoever they might have been, they passed this curse on her and left her alone. She never understood, why she was different and couldn't live like her brother. She always knew she is somewhat different. And she confirmed it eventually, however heart-breaking it was in the first moment.
She is struggling, because she wasn't daughter of her adoptive parents. Not because it was hard to handle this part of reality, but because she was causing trouble not only for her, but for people that decided to take her in and raise as their own.
She left the house, right after she heard Sehun saying, what was so hard to listen.
She was not ready to face anyone. Not when she would not be able to control herself. She was still sobbing, her face puffed and hot. She was a mess. She knew Junmyeon would come to her at some point and he will realise, there is something wrong.
She was determined to pull herself together and go back, after she was sure she won't crumble. She knew how to do it, she had done when she found about her adoption. No one knows, that she is aware. And she was ready to keep it this way.
Maybe it was silly, but it was her way of trying to protect people she likes. They suffered enough, because of her.
She was wandering around her neighbourhood. It was quite late, so there was barely a chance for someone to see her. The spring was slowly changing into summer and the night air was still too hot. The sweat mixed with her tears was rolling down her face, as she walked aimlessly.
The memory of the time, she got to know the truth about her origins, was haunting her.
She recalled everything from that day, because her night terrors came back. She was doing quite well, for some time. She was around twelve at the time. She was happy back then. She was with her family at their beach house, with Kim's family. It was her, Sehun and Junmyeon's summer fun.
They stayed up until late at night. Watching soap operas on the tv, laughing their butts off, whenever someone slapped someone and rest assured that it happens surprisingly often. Their parents went out for the evening, leaving the teenage squad to entertain themselves.
They went to bed very late, she was sleeping well, but was woken up by talking of their parent coming back from their night out. She wanted to go and grab herself a drink from the kitchen, but her parents and Kims were still there, chatting.
"You should tell her, while she is young, she will have more time to deal with it and accept it," Mrs Kim said.
Jihye knew eavesdropping was bad, but for some reasons he didn't care at the time, she was excited to hear something from adults conversation and then boast about it to boys in the morning. She didn't expect the thing turn around so severe for her.
"She is in fragile state. I'm worried that if she knows that she is adopted, she will have a hard time. She just started to sleep better now," her mom mumbled.
"Jihye is stronger than you think. And she has you and her brother to look after her, in the process of acknowledging her situation," Mr Kim, agreed with his wife.
Jihye was frozen in the hallway, staring into the darkness.
She remembered the panic closing up her throat. Her lungs stopped working, as she rushed back to her room. She wanted to forget those long hours, of her trying to calm down, overcome the panic attack.
She managed to fall asleep, somehow, probably because she was out of strength. She woke up, sitting up like bold stroke her. She screamed so loud, she was sure, everyone in the house and maybe even further, must have heard her.
Junmyeon was the one, who came to her. She saw his wide opened eyes in horror, when he opened the door to her room, rushing to her, asking her if she is okay, if she is in pain. She was dying of pain, her legs undergoing the worst seizure, she had ever experienced thus far.
He hugged her. He was lucky enough, that he didn't had a chance to see her like this before. It never was so bad.
She cried for so long, ugly sobbing and all, because she remembered very well, what she overheard before.
"I'm thirsty," she murmured into his pj shirt.
"I will bring you a water," her let out. She kept her hold on to him. She was calmer now but couldn't bring herself to let him go and stay alone.
"I will come back quick. I promise," he whispered with his calm velvety voice. She trusted his promise.
But he never came back. It felt like eternity, until the door opened again and her mom slipped in. Jihye happy to not be alone again, burst into another wave of sobbing. Her mom hugged her tight, like always, staying with her.
How could she not remember this dreadful phase of her life. When she found out she is not daughter of her parents and on top of that, it was the time, when Jun forgot about her existing. That's when it happened. When he saw her having the episode. He didn't want to have anything to do with her.
She couldn't blame him.
Why she never asked him about it? She didn't want to hear the answer to it, why he didn't come back. He came to her eventually, although it took him few years to do so.
The timing is bad, again...
She will have to let him go. She can't live with herself, knowing he is forcing himself to come to her. How hard it must have been for him, that he didn't even explain the night of when she almost drowned. She now recalled the dream of her lungs filling up with water. It was not dream.
She endangered herself and even him.
She will not let this happen again.
This was the mindset she decided on, before she aimed back home. It was almost morning.
She was kind of expecting a drama as soon as she crosses the threshold of her house. And she was not wrong. She left her phone at home, when she rushed out. She knew it was selfish, but at that moment, she didn't care one bit.
She walked inside of the welcoming hall, seeing Jun with his arms crossed on his chest, staring into the wall and then there was Sehun, sitting on the steps on the opposite of the front door, his elbows resting on his knees. The moment they heard the door click, they both looked her way, many emotions displayed in their faces. The relief most evident out of them all.
"Jihye!" they both let out. Junmyeon was the first one to recover from the shock of seeing her, literally running to her. She was too in awe to stop in the first impulse, when he enveloped his arms around her, crushing her in desperate embrace. "You are okay..." he kept on mumbling.
She had to gather all her strength to do what she was decided to do. She slipped her hand between their bodies, pushing him away. Not looking into his face. She ignored his confused look. That was when Sheun almost tackled her down, when he jumped on her, suffocating her in brotherly hug.
"Where the hell have you been?" he yelled into her ear.
"I went for a walk," she shrugged her shoulders.
"Bora and Baekhyun said, you left hours ago and that you were upset about something. Do you have an idea what was running through my mind?" he kept on yelling, not letting her ago, no matter how much she was trying to wiggle out.
"Calm down, I'm not a kid anymore," she frowned. She felt sorry for making them worry. He pulled away, now she could see the way Junmyeon standing where she left him, was looking at her. She was happy how brave she was, returning his gaze in the coldest way, she was able to pull.
"I wish you were, then I could just ground you. I almost called parents, you are lucky, young lady," Sehun scolded her.
"Don't be so overdramatic," she uttered. Both guys' frowns deepened.
"What's wrong?" Junmyeon asked. She glared at him, clenching her jaw. She was very close to snapping, ready to rush to him and seek the comfort she needed.
"Why do you care, you never did! Leave me alone, will you? Both of you, I'm going to bed!" she screamed, dashing up to the second level, not sparing second glances. She hid herself inside her room, hoping she won the first quarrel. She knew in advance Jun will not get discouraged only by this. She will have to be harsher to drive him away. But it was possible before, she was more than positive that she will manage.
She found her phone on the bed, where she left it. It had plenty of missed phone calls from particularly everyone. She let Baek and Bora know, she is at home, so they can relax. She will get it bad from them, next time she sees them.
I will come to you in a second.
She looked at the text she just got from Junmyeon. She quickly thought of an excuse for him to not come.
I will be doing my editing, I don't feel like sleeping. You don't have to come.
She couldn't face him twice.
Alright, I will see you tomorrow.
He replied after a minute. She collapsed on her bed in utter exhaustion. She will have to learn how to live with it again. She won't have Jun by her side anymore, very soon.
Next few days, were tough. She was tired beyond, fighting her urge to ask him, to come. Sehun was still pissed at her and Baek with Bora, were still looking at her with pity in their eyes. She had to laugh at that, because they didn't know half of the stuff, she had on her plate.
She was actually surprised, how easy it was to avoid Junmyeon. He was quite busy with his studying for the last exams, he travelled for few more interviews with Universities. It wasn't hard at all, thanks to his full schedule.
She felt like the time for big confrontation was approaching fast and she was getting ready for it. Her mood was below zero, thanks to her tired mind. She didn't even have the courage to look at the reflection of herself in the mirror. It was enough to see everyone looking at her with wide opened eyes. That gave her quite clear image of, how she must have looked like. Like walking corpse.
She was walking in the corridor of school, teacher Seo called over to his office, to talk about something, during her free hour. No one was in the halls, as everyone else were either outside, or having different period.
When she saw a figure by the end of the hallway. Her heart skipped a beat, when while not even seeing his face, she knew in advance, who it is. He was walking towards her with resolute manner, while she almost stopped in her pace, considering her chances, if she runs away now. But she knew this day will come and she will have to do what she knew is the best for both of them.
His coffee dark eyes were fixed on her, like nothing else in the world existed. Against her will, she was compelled by it. She stopped, waiting for him to come to her and when he did, he didn't say a word, he took her by wrist, leading her to the first empty classroom and closed the door behind them. Her heart decided to go nuts over the fact, they are alone after almost a week of not seeing each other at all.
"I'm sorry," he said all of a sudden, letting go of her hand, but looking deep inside her eyes. She wanted to avoid them but was unable to do so.
"For what?" she wondered, her voice sounding strangled.
"For not being here for you. You look so tired," he felt guilty, making step closer to her. He raised his arm up, in attempt to touch her cheek, but she backed away. Spark of hurt appeared in his irises. He closed his eyes for a second.
"I'm sure you are mad at me. I should have come, even when you told me not to, when it was so late at night... I should have...," he was convinced, he is the problem between them. How could he be so blind. It was her destroying it, willingly.
"I'm not mad. I'm okay," she told him as sedately as possible.
"What is wrong then?" he made another step to her and she followed his movement in reverse. The confusion was evident in his face. Of course, he didn't understand.
"This is not working out, Jun," she let him know. It was time for her to crush him down. To release him from this obligation and the guilt he didn't have to feel whatsoever. The wrinkle between his eyebrows grew longer as he tried to read in her face the meaning of the words.
"What are you saying, Ji...," he understood, where she was aiming to with this, but decided to play dumb.
"Me and you. I always knew, this can't happen. And now you can see it for yourself. I hate it when you feel guilty, for not being there to hold me like baby all night long. You should not feel this way, Jun," every word she said was actual truth of how she felt. "Let's end it. I'm letting you go on my own accord. You don't have to slave for me anymore," she explained further. This part was partly true. It was her condition, that made her do this. She desperately wanted to hold onto him.
He stayed quiet for a long time, before he started to shake his head.
"No," he replied to my suggestion.
"Yes," she insisted.
"Your arguments are stupid. Invalid! I'm no slaving for you. I'm with you willingly. I want to hold you all night long... don't misunderstand...," his hands appeared on her shoulders before she could get away, pinning her to the spot.
"I'm not, I'm just realistic, Jun! I'm destroying you. I want to stop this, before I take you down with me," she was trying to pull away, but he didn't let go. Her heart ached so bad at the moment, while she gazed up into his eyes, that were holding her hostage.
"What are you talking about? You make no sense! Let me be the judge of what you are saying. I, in no way, feel like being destroyed... I feel happy with you. Do you understand?" he shook with her a little.
"That's now. As the time goes by, you will start to hate me for being this way. I can't just sit and wait for this to happen...," she was holding her tears back. She can't cry now... not now... she needs to finish it first...
"Jihye, I could never hate you. I will never...," his vice trembled as he spoke, causing her insides waver. Hear heart believed in his words, but her brain was strongly against it.
His hands disappeared from her shoulders, to take her face into his palms. He brought her closer to him, pressing his lips on hers in impulsive kiss. The way his lips merged with hers, talked about all the emotions sparking up between them.
She let go for a second, melting into his caressing, her throat closed up with lump.
He pulled away to look at her with those soft brown eyes of his.
"I love you, how could I ever hate you," he told her in whisper, before taking her lips again. She let out stifled sob. The words echoing in her mind, remind her of her own feelings. That was for the first time he told her, he loved her... he loved her...
"Jun... no...," she pushed him away, panting for the air. She was shaking like crazy. She must stick with her plan. She will let him go, not matter what.
"You don't love me. It's pity, guilt and urge to help poor sister of your best friend. That's all. Just, leave me alone," she screamed, running out of the classroom, out of his life, before she will cause more damage.
~~~
Will you believe me, if I say... I wrote this chapter in three hours??😳
cuz I did, I don't even know why, but i was feeling it so much!! I couldn't stop, while killing the love between the two mains .... don't kill me?🙏
Fun fact = I was not planning the break up hah, it kind escalated itself, I really have no control over my brain and fast fingers, sometimes haha🙌😎
hope you all felt the desperation and the feels in this chapter, cuz I certainly did... I'm heartbroken, cuz this is just the beginning... I should not say this in the middle of the book I guess, but I love the drama hah💗
anyways, be patient waiting for next chapter! I always try my best to write as fast as possible, but the content is what matters the most! :]
I need to buy coffee now, so excuse meeeh...☕️
until next time
love yaaa!!!💜
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