nothin' lost but something missing

It had been a few weeks since the horrible dinner with the Sutcliffe's. News had gotten out that Matthias was engaged to Candice, and that Tobias Avington was courting Nicollette. At first, neither had talked to the other. Matthias - as much as he didn't want to - began to spend his days with Candice. Nicollette spent more time in the town, doing even more than she did before she became more involved with royal events. She baked more, cooked sometimes, and found herself coming to the town to help clean and fix things that needed fixing. She had realized after spending so much time with Matthias, she was beginning to slack on the thing she loved to do the most.

Truthfully, the townspeople were more welcoming than the palace at the moment. Her mother had comforted her after dinner, but she knew that the older woman didn't know what to tell her. She hadn't known that it had gone that far with Tobias, and although Nicollette could tell that Estella had thoughts, she didn't hear about them.

Charles was even angrier than before. He couldn't even look at Nicollette after hearing that she was courting Tobias. Which, despite the hurt Nicollette felt from that, that much was expected. She still had some of the royals, such as Maria, Atlas, Alayna, Brielle, and Benjamin, but they didn't talk enough for her to go to them about how she felt. 

Even the time she spent with Tobias was very public, and only small outings here and there. He didn't travel to Aradia super often, and when he did, it was for the social events they constantly went to.

Her father hadn't spoken to her for some reason. She felt as if he were avoiding her, too, which she didn't understand why. Even though she acted up at the dinner by walking out, even her mother didn't feel that bad about it. She understood her, so it didn't make sense as to why her father wasn't talking to her as well.

A few knocks on her bedroom door brought her out of her thoughts. "I'm coming, Malia." She called out, looking at herself in the mirror.

The door opened, and her eyes widened as she saw her father standing on the other side. "Hey," He softly said. "Mind if I come in?"

"Yeah," She shrugged, looking back at herself. She adjusted the soft gloves she was wearing, ignoring her father's stare as he walked into the room. "I'm almost done getting ready, if that's what you're wondering."

"I'm not," He shook his head. He sighed as he went over, sitting in the desk chair. He watched as she grabbed her purse, beginning to put her personal belongings in it. "Look, Nic-"

"I'm fine," She said without letting him finish. She didn't look at him, only making it less believable.

Merlin nodded, sucking in a breath. "Right, I know. You're always fine." He dryly laughed, rubbing the top of his head. "Nic, I just... wanted to talk to you real quick about the dinner a couple of weeks ago."

"What about it? I'm not apologizing for walking out. That devil-woman was making me look bad in front of everyone." Nicollette finally looked at her father. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, but she didn't cry.

"I'm not asking you to. You had every right to leave. And... I'm glad you stuck up for yourself." Merlin said. "But... I wanted to talk to you about what you said. About marrying that Prince."

"What about it? We're not getting married tomorrow." She scoffed, her movements becoming hasty as she shoved her items into her purse.

"I know, and I'm glad," Merlin responded. "But, Nicollette, you're my only child. My only daughter. I only get to walk you down the aisle once. Are- are you sure you want to marry this boy?"

Nicollette paused, her arms slowly falling to her sides as she looked back up at her father again. "What do you mean?"

"I mean-" He paused as he glanced to the side. He seemed to think about something before shaking his head. "Do you even know this boy?"

"Of course I do. But does it matter? He'll be able to take care of me, support me in the ways that matter." Of course, Nicollette was lying. She knew little to nothing about Tobias. But her father didn't really need to know that.

Merlin stared at her for a long moment, shocked that the words had even come from her mouth. Sure, Nicollette had never been the type to talk about eventually finding the love of her life and marrying the one she wanted, but she'd always been against arranged marriages and forced relationships. It was as if the young woman standing in front of him was someone he didn't even know.

"That's not what matters, Nicollette, and you know that." He finally said, unable to say much else.

"But it is, isn't it? Finding someone who can support you, take care of you, and deal with you just enough to start a family and keep the bloodline going?" She asked.

"No, not at all. Honey, look-" He sighed, rubbing his head for a moment. "Having someone that secure may be nice and all, but what truly matters is your happiness. You've never been the type to enjoy balls and fancy gems." He motioned to the diamond necklace still sitting in the box. "If this Prince is someone you truly love and would like to be with, then I'm not one to stop you. I just don't want to see you make a mistake."

"I'm not making a mistake," Nicollette quickly said, her mouth tasting bitter at the lie.

Merlin could see right through her. He could see the unshed tears, the look of regret and hurt on her face. It didn't take rocket science to know, and due to him seeming to be everywhere at once - he noticed things. But he didn't talk about them, knowing they were short on time and that he wouldn't do anything but push her away further.

He nodded, slowly rising from the chair. "Okay. I won't push," He softly said, approaching her. "But... I know things, Nic. I know more than you think I do, even if you don't think I notice." He looked down at her. 

He noticed how different she looked. She looked beautiful, as he always thought she did, but she looked different. He wasn't used to seeing her dress up all fancy in dresses and makeup. He knew she was only doing it because they wanted her to, and he began to realize how much he was changing his daughter.

"I'm not asking you to do what I say. Whatever you choose, I'll be there regardless. Just... think about it, okay?" He finally asked when she didn't say anything. "Think about it. Don't rush into something because you think there are no other choices."

Nicollette stayed silent for a moment before finally responding. "And what if there are no other choices?"

"There are," Merlin was quick to respond. "There's almost always going to be another choice. Don't rush and choose the wrong one because you think you're out of time. You're not. You're young." He gave her a gentle pat to the shoulder before walking past her, heading toward her bedroom door.

Just as he grabbed the doorknob, he turned back. "Tobias is downstairs waiting to escort you to church. We'll be waiting."

He slowly opened the door, stepping out. However, just as he got through the entrance, Nicollette's voice called out to him.

"And what if it's not about being young?" She asked. She didn't look at him as she asked the question, but instead looked at the cream colored gloves on her hands. "What if I'm not worried about running out of time, but the only choice I'd even want being... unrealistic?"

Of course, Nicollette was trying to be careful with her words. Truthfully, she didn't really know what she was even saying. She knew she had all the choices in the world and could take as much time as she wanted, but what's done is done, and she'd already spread the word that Tobias was courting her.

"It's not unrealistic, Nic." Merlin softly told his daughter, "If something's meant to be, it'll find its way."

With those last words, he finally left, giving her a little bit of time alone to prepare. Nicollette repeated the words he said in her head over and over again, wiping the area under her eyes of any tears that might've slipped.

If something's meant to be, it'll find its way.

After gathering her breath, she finally left her bedroom. She walked downstairs to see her parents talking with Tobias, all dressed appropriately for church.

Nicollette didn't understand why her mother was making her go to church. Maybe it's because, since she's been to more events, they want her there as well. Maybe it's to impress the royal family. Or maybe it's because Tobias had come to town to escort her and go together. Whatever the reason, Nicollette was being forced to go.

Estella laughed at something Tobias said, as Merlin silently stood behind his wife. He noticed Nicollette first and gently put his hand on the small of Estella's back. "The crowd's here. Should we get going?"

"Yes! We don't want to be late," Estella said, grabbing the sides of her dress. She turned and made her way out of the house, followed by Merlin.

This left Nicollette and Tobias, who stood in silence for a moment before the Prince finally spoke up.

"You look grand," Tobias bowed his head, holding his arm out for her to take. 

"Thanks," She softly smiled. "Another one of my mom's choices." 

"She has impeccable taste," Tobias told her as they left the house.

They made their way toward the carriage, where Merlin and Estella were waiting inside. It was insane to Nicollette that despite it being a current time of phones, devices, and vehicles, the royals in Aradia and kingdoms surrounding it still use horses and carriages as a way of travel. Unless the distance is far, that is, then they use vehicles or other types of transportation.

Truthfully, that was the one thing Nicollette never minded about being associated with royalty. She loved animals, and so she loved riding horses. She loved carriages because they gave her a perfect view of the outside and let her feel the sunshine on her pale skin. 

As they approached the carriage, she glanced over at the Sutcliffe residence. She watched as Maria begrudgingly followed her mother and father into the carriage. However, her attention was quickly pulled away from the brunette as she saw the familiar head of dark hair approaching.

With Candice.

Candice clung onto Matthias' arm, her signature smirk on her face as she let him lead her to the carriage. He didn't seem interested, but Nicollette obviously wasn't a good judgment of how he felt, considering she thought he wanted nothing to do with her, but here he was marrying her.

Just as Matthias' eyes met hers, the feeling of an arm tugging on her took her attention away. She looked over to see Tobias glancing at her with a look of confusion, and her cheeks immediately turned a dark pink color.

"Coming?" He asked. He didn't seem to notice that she'd been staring at Matthias, which relieved her slightly.

"Y-yeah, I'm coming." She nodded, clearing her throat. She spared one last glance in Matthias' direction before climbing into the carriage, sitting across from her father.

Tobias climbed in last, sitting down next to her and across from her mother. The two immediately started a conversation, with Merlin chiming in here and there when Estella would ask him a question. Nicollette stayed completely silent, her blue-green eyes out of the small carriage window.

The ride took about ten minutes, give or take. It felt like an eternity to Nicollette, though she quickly found herself missing the carriage ride as they entered the church and everyone began to greet them. 

The Sutcliffes arrived shortly after the Terilows. It took all of two minutes for Estella to find Carolyn and for Merlin to find Gerald. Before Matthias could even think about greeting Nicollette, Candice had already pulled him away and to one of the pews. 

"Tobias, Nicollette." Maria kindly greeted as she stopped in front of Nicollette. This caused the blonde's eyes to snap from Matthias to his sister, a small smile covering her features.

"Hey, Maria."

Tobias greeted Maria as well, his arm never letting go of Nicollette's. It was beginning to feel quite suffocating, but she knew she'd eventually have to get used to it.

"She's a witch, Nic." The sound of Maria's soft whisper brought the girl from her thoughts.

"What?" Nicollette asked, her nose scrunching up.

"You know-" Her eyes glanced to the side in the direction of the pew where Matthias and Candice sat. "She's wretched." She whispered. She glanced over, quickly noticing that despite his grip on her arm, Tobias was too busy chatting with another royal to pay attention to their conversation. "I hate her."

"She's-" Nicollette stopped. She knew this wasn't the time or place to be rude, and truthfully, she'd just felt quite defeated. Bad-mouthing Candice wouldn't make her feel any better.

Okay, maybe it would a little bit. But this wasn't the place, and the last thing she needed was for anyone else to hear the conversation.

"Something," Nicollette finally finished, her eyes moving to where Matthias and Candice sat. Candice was talking about something to Matthias, but he paid no attention to what was being said.

He was looking at Maria and Nicollette, specifically Nicollette.

Nicollette tore her eyes away from Matthias and looked back at Maria. Maria noticed the exchange between the two but didn't say anything, knowing it was better to stay silent.

"Let's get to our seats," Tobias softly cut in before Maria could think of something to say. Nicollette nodded, bidding one last goodbye to Maria before following him to a pew.

It was a pew near the back, on the opposite side where Matthias sat. Nicollette's parents sat at the pew next to them. Everyone else slowly chose their seats, the chatter continuing until the priest stood at the front and began the church service.

Nicollette couldn't pay attention. The moment the greeting came from the pastor's mouth, she was zoning off. She glanced at Tobias and noticed he was just as invested in it as her mother and father. She internally sighed, knowing she was the odd one out.

Feeling eyes on her, she looked over. Matthias was looking back, despite being on the other side and a few pews ahead of her. He was making it more than obvious he was looking at her, but Nicollette would just look down or at the intricate ceiling.

It went like that for a while. It'd even gotten to the point where Matthias played it off, turning in his seat to face Candice. He put his arm on the pew behind her, constantly rubbing his neck or his hair before turning to get another glimpse at Nicollette.

It was all too much. In the middle of the sermon, Nicollette quietly and politely excused herself to the bathroom, slipping away. She entered the bathroom and leaned against the sink, taking slow, deep breaths to calm herself down.

Why was Matthias looking at her so much? Why was she so bothered? She shouldn't be bothered; she shouldn't feel anything at all. She should be grateful that a guy such as Tobias was giving her attention.

After a long moment, she was finally calm. Her heartbeat went back to normal, her breathing slow and even. She looked at herself in the mirror, fixing any smudges from her makeup or any hairs that slipped out of place. She exited the bathroom silently, the only sound echoing in the large church being the sound of the pastor's booming voice.

Her footsteps were almost silent as she slowly walked back. She looked at her feet, her fingers fidgeting as she tried to unscramble her thoughts.

Then, just as she passed by a storage room, she was pulled inside.

"What the fu-" Her words were cut off by Matthias clapping his hand over her mouth. Her eyes widened, but he just slowly put a finger over his lips before removing his hand.

"Seem familiar?" He teased, motioning to the dark storage room they were in.

Of course it was. It reminded her of the day Ryker locked him and her in the storage room at his house. They'd spent a lot of time together before she eventually fell asleep, and then she woke up the next morning in his bed.

"What are you doing?" She asked in a whisper-yell, her eyes searching his.

"What? No thank you for taking you away from that horrible death grip your little boyfriend's got on you?" Matthias scoffed, stepping back. 

"He's not my boyfriend," Nicollette quickly countered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Right. That's why you just randomly announced to my family you were 'courting' the guy." He put air quotes over the word courting. He snorted, shaking his head. "What are you doing with that guy, Lettie? Tobias fucking Avington?"

"Shut up," Nicollette snapped, her nose scrunching up. "You're one to talk."

"Yeah difference between you and me is mine's arranged. What reason do you have for courting the fucker?" Matthias began to look through the storage room, looking at the different books and boxes. He didn't look at her as he continued, "Anyone in a ten-mile radius can see you don't like him. Why torture yourself?"

Nicollette didn't say anything at first. She clenched her jaw, looking away as Matthias began to fidget with different items. "Hey, look-" He slipped some ugly sunglasses on, turning to her. He waved his hands around dramatically, a goofy smile on his face.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" She asked.

"What are you wearing?" He pulled the sunglasses down the bridge of his nose, eyeing the cream colored dress. "You look like my mom."

"That's- don't say that," She cringed.

"Just saying. The dress couldn't be more opposite of you." He shrugged, tossing the sunglasses back into the box before continuing to dig. 

Nicollette glanced to the side, pressing her lips together into a thin line. "Why'd you pull me in here, Matthias? And don't say to get me away from Tobias." 

"Then I have no answer," He waved a hand out, not looking at her. He stayed silent for a moment before turning, finding no more interest in the boxes. With a shrug, he continued. "I don't know. You and I both know this place is too prim and proper for you."

"Right, because I'm not capable of being prim and proper. Sorry I'm not perfect." Nicollette scoffed slightly.

Matthias chuckled, turning away. He began to look through one of the bookshelves. "You're psychotic if you think that I think being prim and proper is perfect."

"Yeah?" Nicollette challenged, "Then pray tell, Matthias, what is your definition of perfect if not prim, prissy, and perfect like your blonde bombshell out there?" Her head tilted to the side, her eyes narrowing into small slits.

Matthias paused, smiling to himself. He knew she couldn't see his face, so he just shrugged indifferently. "I have my ideas." He finally said. He whipped around, holding an ugly feather scarf.

Nicollette watched him carefully as he approached her, gently wrapping the itchy material around her neck. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"Adding to your horrid outfit." He said, "Making it better, if you will."

"You're stupid," She muttered.

"Probably. But at least I'm fun," He smiled a goofy smile. 

Nicollette scoffed, though a laugh escaped her lips. She shook her head, slowly pulling the scarf back over her head. She held it between them, and Matthias gently reached out and grabbed it.

They probably looked a little dumb. Standing a little too close in a storage room, holding onto an ugly feather scarf that belonged to neither of them.

Matthias stared at her for a moment too long, his eyes bouncing from one eye to the other. He finally glanced at her lips, licking his own.

Nicollette's lips parted, her breath hitching as she inhaled. She watched Matthias' head tilt down in the slightest, his fingers brushing against hers through the feathers of the scarf.

"You deserve better than that, Lettie." He finally said, his eyebrows pushing together. "Better than him."

Whatever feelings Nicollette had been feeling throughout the last few weeks only intensified. Matthias' eyes never left hers, the room seeming smaller and smaller by the second. Then, just as he began to tilt his head down, reality came crashing down on her.

They were in a storage room. In the middle of church. He was engaged to Candice - who was waiting for him. She was here with Tobias, being courted by Tobias, who was also waiting for her to come back from the bathroom. This was wrong on so many levels.

Nicollette's mouth opened and closed a few times before she stumbled back, letting go of the pink feather scarf. "I-I should get back. So should you. Before they come looking for us, and it looks like we're doing something that we shouldn't be."

Matthias' face fell in rejection, but he quickly gathered himself. He seemed to realize the time and place this was happening, and he just gripped the scarf tightly. "Y-yeah. Yeah, right, guess we got a little carried away."

Nicollette spared one last glance as she slipped out of the storage room, leaving Matthias alone. He sighed, his chest aching as he looked down at the pink scarf in his hands. "Fuck," He mumbled to himself, turning and tossing the scarf back into the box.