**** picture has no connection to the story, it's just a masterpiece. ****

I had rejoined the rest of the group in the party room, letting the pounding music overpower my senses as I lay numbly on the couch.

Star was laying across the entire couch, her head resting in my lap, and I absent-mindedly sifted my fingers through her hair, my thoughts elsewhere.

Jin, where have you gone? What happened to you? Did you do something to these poor boys, or were you just another victim? What am I supposed to think?

I can't figure it out on my own. But I can't ask anyone about it. That would just make it even worse. They're obviously suffering, but bringing up the possible reason for it would just be destructive and counter-productive.

I sighed in frustration and stretched my legs out.

I would've been worried to disturb Star, but she was constantly moving, so I don't think she would notice. She was currently clutching my leg in her arms tightly like a body pillow. Literally. This girl is beyond touchy. I chuckled lightly, looking at her cute face as she slept.

She could be beyond sexy, but when she was asleep her face gave away her inner innocent charm, and I couldn't help but imagine her when she was a young girl, all chubby cheeks and small, clammy hands clutching on to anyone that came close enough to her reach.

How did she grow up to be this? How did any of them, for that matter? What happened to their families? Did they grow up on the streets? Run away? What?

I wonder if my family misses me. They probably don't even know what's going on. What would they say if they saw me now? They'd probably disown me.

I set my jaw and cracked my knuckles, shaking my head bitterly.

Stop thinking like that, you don't care. What are you, a baby? What, do you want to live in your parents basement your whole life? No! This is you making your own life. This is you being in control. You got your own place, all the money you could want, and the best company you could have.

So what if it's a gang. It's exciting. It's living life on the edge. That's the beauty of youth, isn't it? Risky behaviours, stupid decisions and impulsive activities.

When was the last time you felt this alive? Danger was like a drug. There's nothing like the feeling you get when you're running away after doing something dangerous. You never feel fully alive until you're made aware of how very close to death you could be.

But maybe that's the kind of thinking that gets people killed.

I wonder if that's how Jin felt....

Who was he? Why did everything lead back to him? It's frustrating, I don't want to snoop but I feel this unstoppable drive to find out about him. It feels like I need to know who he is, I need to figure all this out. He is the key to everything. He must be. It feels like nothing can get better until I know what happened to him, but I have no idea how to even go about looking for that information.

"Rap Monster wants you," Suga's words pulled me back to reality, and I looked up at him before shifting my eyes back to Star's bear hug on my leg.

Suga said Rap Monster, not Namjoon. Did that mean something? Maybe Namjoon was in a bad mood then?

"I'm a bit tied up right now," I spoke softly, feeling weighed down by the painful awareness of how fake everyone's perfect acts were.

"I'll take your place. Go," Suga said, and I nodded, not in the mood to argue. I wasn't scared of him hurting me, but maybe I should be. He could be uncontrollable at times, though he never means for it to happen.

With Suga's help, I pulled my leg from Star's arms and in an easy motion Suga lay across the couch, pulling Star on top of him and closing his eyes.

Why didn't he just go to bed if he was going to lay down too? I'll never understand them, their love for sleeping was unnatural. They both talk a lot of game, but I think when they're together most of their time is spent sleeping.

It's kind of cute actually. Really cute. It's like they were meant for each other.

Satisfied that Star was comfortable, I left the two of them to sleep peacefully, moving to turn off the music.

J-Hope and Jimin were curled up on a bed in the corner, huddled into each other. I hope the two of them can find comfort in each others presence, because I think their ways of dealing with pain are very similar. Maybe they can see through each others lies and find a better way to get through it without pretending so much. I can only hope they will be okay. I'm worried about them, they could be in trouble.

Jungkook and Angel must be out on a job. I hope with Angel there Jungkook won't instigate another fight.

I'm getting tired of seeing him coming home all beat up. It was worrying, and I know everyone was just as upset about it as I was. But we couldn't be with him twenty four seven, and he is going to do it no matter what. He always does. Damn kid.

I took a deep breath and slumped my way over to Namjoon's room.

I wonder what he wanted? Maybe he would talk of Jin?

No, I seriously doubt that. He's very closed off about personal details. The way he sees it, he should know everything while everyone else is left to guess at his thoughts and past. At times it was mysterious, other times it was annoying.

I hovered a hand over the doorknob, considering knocking before dismissing the idea. He had sent for me, so it's not like I'd be barging in uninvited.

I swung the door open and walked in, closing it back behind me and leaning against the door, looking to the bed.

Namjoon was sitting there, his head hanging low, his hands folded in his lap, his legs swinging aimlessly back and forth, hanging off the bed.

I was disappointed to see the photo frame nowhere to be seen. He had taken to hiding it, and I never had time to look for it. Plus, I was too scared to get caught.

I took long steps, soon standing in front of him.

I put a hesitant hand on his shoulder, massaging it with my fingers softly.

Unexpectedly, his arms shot out, grabbing me and pulling me even closer to him. I had to hold back a surprised squeal.

My heart nearly stopped when he pressed his face against me, his shoulders shaking slightly as if he was holding back tears.

I've never seen him look so desperate, so wounded. It made me worry for him. He never acts like this in front of people. It would mess with his whole tough leader role in the group.

He was so tall, his face was pressed against my chest, and my knees buckled, sending me leaning into the bed. If Namjoon's arms weren't around me, holding me up, I'd probably have fallen to the floor.

Fuck, this is embarrassing.

"Ah-" I spoke softly, as Namjoon pulled me down on the bed, holding me tight on top of him. I don't know about this, I don't think my heart can take this. I can barely breathe being so close to him. Am I really this deep in affection? It's pathetic, isn't it? Fuck.

"Shh, don't speak. Just, stay. Please," his voice was softer than I'd ever heard before. No sense of command or strength in it, nothing like how he usually sounded.

I'd never heard him say please, not sincerely at least, not once. He sounded so small, so weak. Nothing like the strong, dominant leader he usually was.

He's really suffering....

I said nothing, just giving in to his embrace and letting my eyes flutter shut, my heart beating fast, my face heating up in a deep, burning blush.

Namjoon, what have you done to me?