14. Proud

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"We took guns and robbed shit," I blurted out, unable to control myself anymore.

Namjoon didn't respond for a moment, and my stomach grew uneasy as I saw him clench the steering wheel tightly in his hands.

"And?" He said, his voice sounding strained.

"And, it was fun?" I spoke slowly, unsure of what he wanted me to say.

Should I apologize? Fuck, why did I even say anything? This was a mistake, now he's going to be upset. What if he hates me now?

I bit my tongue, waiting to see what he would do. Maybe he was just playing with me, maybe he wasn't mad at all. I hope so.

He released his grip on the steering wheel and I shrunk a little, worried. Was that good or bad?

He wouldn't hit me right? He doesn't seem like the type. He can be an asshole sometimes, but not that kind of asshole. No, I don't think he would, no way.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea? I thought he'd be impressed. I guess it was stupid to do it just to show off to him. What was I thinking? I'm an idiot.

Then all of a sudden Namjoon was turning to me with his glorious smile, and he reached a hand out, ruffling my hair. His dimples were radiant as ever, and even after he turned back to look at the road and stopped his affectionate hair tousling, I couldn't tear my eyes away.

"Ah my little butterfly, you're growing up so fast," he said, and I grinned widely.

My heart swelled. I was proud that Namjoon had spoken to me like that. I was proud because I had impressed a gang leader - my gang leader? I'm going mad, I must be.

He called me butterfly again. I bit my lip grinning, and I found myself jiggling my legs in giddy joy.

He sounded proud of me, and that's all I needed to be proud of myself for. He was proud of me, me! It worked.

Man, I don't know what's come over me. I can't possibly value someone's opinion so much, can I?

But I do. Namjoon is like my king, and I want to do all I can to please him. Jesus, I'm fucked.

"Yah, remember us? We're here too you know," Suga complained from the back seat, and I grinned, blushing lightly.

I actually had forgotten that they were there. Namjoon occupies my mind, doesn't he? It's really not healthy.

"Ah, you ruined their moment Yoongi," Star chided Suga, and I chuckled lightly, thinking of how they sounded so affectionate even when arguing.

"Moment? They weren't even talking, they weren't even looking at each other. I know other ways to have a moment, and it's not safe for Namjoon to be driving when they happen," Suga said, a thick, flirtatious confidence in his voice.

"Rap Monster," Namjoon immediately corrected, and I grinned to myself.

"Yah, it's not fair, why does Sin get to call you Namjoon? I've known you the longest. What happened to our underground days? What's that American saying? Bros before hoes man," Suga said, and I chuckled lightly, shaking my head.

"Sin gets to call me Namjoon because I like her. You? Not so much," Namjoon spoke curtly, an easy smirk on his face.

Suga immediately started complaining in his Daegu dialect. I appreciated the sound of the satoori, but I was completely unable to understand him. I just listened to it lightly, grinning and titling my head so I could stare at Namjoon as he drove.

We got back too soon, and I noticed that the others were already back, based on the car parked in the back of the building. Home sweet home.

I jumped out and ran in, still full of energetic excitement.

I immediately ran into J-Hope and eagerly joined him in his dancing, jumping around and whooping carelessly.

"I had such a good time today! Whoo! It was so exciting. You did really good, didn't you," I spoke really fast, feeling like I was on a sugar high.

"Ah no, I just drove. You were the star," he said, his face falling slightly as he accidently let on his feelings of inferiority and lack of importance.

"Nah, don't say that. You were the driver, you were the most important part. No matter what you're necessary, you did very well," I said, hugging him lightly.

I probably shouldn't have, but I couldn't help myself. He seemed so happy but I knew he was broken down, deep down inside.

If only he knew that he didn't have to hide it so much. But if I bring it up it could set him off and he could panic and do something bad.

I can't risk it.

Leaving him to collect his thoughts, I sat down on the couch next to Angel and Star, with Jungkook and Yoongi lying on the floor in front of them.

"So now that the coast is clear. NAMJOON SAID HE LIKED YOU," Star all but screamed it, poking me and grinning at me like she'd won the lotto.

Hell, we pretty much won the lotto ourselves today minus the taxes. Just thinking about it made my body feel charged with energy and adrenaline. I wanted to do it again. And again. And again. And again.

"Aish, he was just joking around," I said dismissively, crossing my arms.

"No, he literally said that you could call him Namjoon because he liked you. You can't blow that off, he said it loud and clear. I'm not letting you off the hook on this one," Star spoke, a devilish smirk covering her sweet, pretty face.

Does she let me off the hook on any one? No. I shook my head laughing lightly to myself, enjoying the feeling of companionship and easy, innocent teasing.

"Rap Monster!" Namjoon's voice sounded from somewhere in the room.

"Jeez, he is adamant about that. You must be special to him then," Star said, smirking.

I shook my head, looking down and trying to hide the wide grin on my face.

"Why butterfly?" Suga's voice interrupted, and Star looked at him like he was crazy.

I think he had gone through another outburst while I was dancing with J-Hope, because there was fresh glass by his feet.

What is going on with these boys? I wish I knew so I could help....

"Why does he call you butterfly?" Suga asked, and I found myself questioning the same thing.

"He doesn't really much, I don't know, that is-" I stammered my way into an uncertain silence.

"It's cute. Hey, why don't you call me cute things sometimes Yoongi," Star teased, winking at me as she terrorized Suga, kicking his shoulders with her feet.

"Yah, stop! You don't call me oppa, why should I call you something else? Annie is pretty enough," Suga whined, and I snorted.

"Pretty enough? Would you prefer Yuri or Darla? Or maybe Jiyeon?" Star complained jokingly.

I shook my head smiling as they continued to argue.

Turning to my left I see Angel sitting next to me, giving me a warm smile as she massaged Jungkook's shoulders.

His head was tilted and it looked as if he was about to fall asleep.

They were so god damn cute, both with drooping eyes and slack faces. I don't see why people don't tease them about their relationship instead of constantly nagging me, in a loving way, about my non-existent relationship with Namjoon.

Getting up as carefully and quietly as I could, I slowly walked over to the door in the corner.

That must be where Namjoon disappeared to.

I wanted to speak to him. About what? Nothing in particular. I just wanted to hear his voice. Maybe he'd tell me he was proud of me or something, you never know.

Peeking through the crack in the door, I see him sitting on the bed, that same picture frame held gently in his hands. Always the same picture frame.

Jin.

The way his shoulders were moving, I knew he was crying.

It wasn't my place to interrupt him. He needed his privacy right now to let it out. He was obviously suffering, and I couldn't help.

I wish I knew what exactly was causing him so much pain. Maybe if I knew who Jin was, and what happened to him, then I'd be able to understand why everyone was so damaged. Maybe then I could help them heal, so they could move past their tortured ways and be truly joyous again, because I think at one point they were all ecstatically happy.

I closed the door gently so that no one else could peep on him, and then I leaned against the wall, my mind reeling with all the possibilities about Jin's identity and his assumed downfall.

Jin, who are you?

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