Chapter 8 : can we forget our past?

I gulped and took a step that moment lights were turned on soft yellow lights around the ceiling illuminating the wall that was like a half-circle I walked in eyes landing front on the wall the whole wall covered with photos. Like all over it

I was drawn to it. The starting had blurry photos of a man in his mid-twenties waving at the camera and then him having a meal at the dining table with his family then him again in the garden like this, there were several photos of him.

"That was my uncle he gifted me the camera on my seventh birthday" Dhruv implied from behind.

Walking further by the gallery were some more blurred photos of random people like walking on the streets, sitting at a cafe, and running in the rain, they portrayed the unclear mundane activities of nothing significant as if a child discovered the camera for the first time and he clicked photos of anything and everything. Then moving around the photos improved they became clearer the angle got better the people were smiling and laughing they showed happy moments one's birthday, weddings, babies just... happy occasions.

I moved on to the portion where the pictures had more detail and depth.
Like an old man with a sad smile watching kids play.
Barren dilapidated tree near big multi-complex building.
Each photo showed emotions that could be felt just at a mere glance of the scene like it captured emotions of that moment.

I was mystified by these sets of photos they kinda surfaced new emotions in me they make you understand your emotions,
I just don't know what was about one photo that had me rooted to the spot with a feeling of emptiness that I carried around and If shown out it was this picture.
It was a silhouette of a kid sitting on the shore he was fading off to darkness just like the setting sun he was watching.

I took a shuddering breath,
"This one's so beautiful"

"It is of him," he told tersely.

I moved away instantly looking for another picture to replace my emotions but they were so many of him.
Sitting on the edge of the balcony. Throwing a stone at the sky.

I wanted to look at them at him his untold story but it would take more than a day they were so many, so many glimpses to so many stories and I don't want to feel anything for him.

I turned to spot one of Soumya's pictures in a gorgeous dress on the wheelchair with a huge smile and tears in her eyes.
Another one of her, her pale thin arm with the Fitbit bracelet holding the door of the Mercedes car.

Then of Faisal when he was a kid his face smeared with cake.
Then again one more of him smeared with paint.

I continued I didn't know when I reached the end or how long I looked at but at one point it was a single photo sticking out in the adjacent wall that was empty it felt off with it being this empty compared to the rest.

The last photo was....

I looked at it properly getting closer, it was of me.

the one where I was smiling my lips were curved up my eyes creased
I - I look different.

It was like a different me the one that looked relaxed and happy for a second.

"You cropped the baby out?" I said my voice choked, I remembered when he took that.

"Trouble, actually" he answered.

I glanced back at him, we smiled at each other for a moment remembering the baby and the trouble

I turned back remembering where I was and with whom I was.
"Why is this empty?" I asked regarding the empty wall more than half of the curve was left empty waiting to be filled with his art.

I looked around at the shelf that had different cameras placed one looked like the old type that must be his uncle's gift

"My uncle died when I was in eleventh grade and that was when I stopped taking photos. He was the only one who appreciated my photography and took my passion seriously. It felt pointless after he died"

"What about your parents?" I asked, with hesitation

He answered unaffected, "they don't care much. I am the youngest son out of three they don't expect much from me for them I'll always be the spoiled and immature one. And this.... suicide case only proved their point"

"Oh ..that sucks," I said lamely didn't know how to comfort one who doesn't require it in the first place.

"It's fine anyways, this week a gallery curator would check these out for selection it might lead me to somewhere on the way to accomplish my dreams once again.
Maybe then I could start again" He said sounding hopeful.

"You like for 3 years or something didn't take any photos but you have that of me?" I said pointing at mine confused what did he see in me? To include me in his collections.

" actually you requested me to take your photo I happened to like it so sent it to myself to have it here now feeling special Ms. Newton?" He smiled with a dimple on one cheek. He smiled so rarely that I never noticed it.

I was moved"I am, your work isn't that bad"

"Oh don't" he warned me

What?
was he getting embarrassed? Embarrassed of compliments

I grinned, "you have a talent aside from your motorcycle acrobatics or whatever that is anyway this one is less dangerous and more commendable. Your skill of capturing emotion and making it surreal is just so-

"Stop it," he said covering his mouth with a fist.

He was so flustered and I was loving it

"So magically beautiful" I completed, laughing.

"You are serious?"

"I am I mean, I am not an expert but I would love to have your photos on my wall"

His eyebrows perked," heard that before"

I pushed on his shoulder embarrassed, "I meant your photography! pictures taken by you!"

"I am flattered" he teased

"you wanted me to show this because?"I raised my brow

"So that you don't think I am completely rotten" he answered, unsure

I was silent for a second, "you are boasting of your talent?"

I frowned.

"No, I am letting you see I am not apathetic. I see emotions I understand them I value them. With the face as stoic as this, it might not know how to show any but it doesn't mean I don't feel them"

I stared at him he sounded genuine but words of his before echoed

I don't care

"But you didn't feel for Aarav?"

"I wasn't in a good place at that time," he told slightly frustrated that I wasn't understanding him.
I only saw excuse," Dhruv you might not be an apathetic person but that still doesn't make you an empathetic one. You not being in a good place should know better what Aarav was feeling than anyone. You are only concerned about your dream Dhruv you know Aarav also had one. He was passionate about playing the piano. Playing with his skillful hands those you saw stepped on by Sahil what about his dream Dhruv?"

"What do you want me to do Serra? I can't turn back time" he said sounding exhausted.

I turned around at the pictures and wanted to see them for one last time before leaving, "can you give me the PD you have?"

"Why do you need it?"

"Without asking why"

"..Okay"

My neck whipped back at him, "okay?" I thought he won't and I was just aiming in the dark

He shrugged, "one gotta trust first to start anew"

I had a second thought about that but he left to get it before I could say I can never trust anyone of them.

I sighed walking back to the pictures pictures of Sahil.

I was doing right I thought I drew my shaking hand inside my jacket for some moral support Dhruv was the hardest one I thought it would be easier to hate him I felt a jolt of a panic attack. I clutched something hard in my pocket it was the red case I remember putting in thinking it was the PD. I took it out and tried to open it, the flap opened

aflame

Lighter

I stared at the flame shining brighter in the dimly lighted room. My heart started pounding when I glanced at the photos on the wall.

My legs on their accord made me move forward I saw my arm extend out and bring the flame near the first photo the one of Dhruv's uncle. The film covering of the frame around the photo caught the fire in no time. I dragged it to the other one then the other and soon it was catching on with the rest of the photos. I stepped back and watch the fire turning big in a few minutes.

I would be happy seeing Dhruv accomplish his dream but happier avenging Aarav's killed dream.

Felt him rushing at the moment the fire alarm almost turned me deaf with the blaring, he stopped beside me watching as his years of dedication were engulfed by flames.

"And that's why I never trust people not the ones who act like good ones" he slid something in my hand it was the PD, "I was doing this to help you" I grasped it he held my hand momentarily then left it quickly as if it disgusts him, "get out, don't ever show me your face again Selena"

I left after glancing at him for the last time, stood frozen as his dream burned.

I felt sorry for a moment, I felt remorse for the friendship we could have which now burdened to ashes

•••

I was back home replaying the night that was finally over it was 1 am.

I couldn't sleep my eyes were filled with tears reading Aarav's last message this time clearly and completely.

Everything makes sense

Every word makes sense now

Both his message and this pd the video in it were the solid proofs of what happened and why it happened.

I made a copy and emailed them to my mom. It was time to bring back her law degree.

I tried to sleep tomorrow I was gonna have a lengthy discussion with her, the actual honest one. I needed her help for this, she could only help me out with this

I shut my eyes to the memories of tonight though I couldn't shut the tears that flowed for my best friend that I lost. I cried for myself for losing myself the past Serra who won't ever do this to anyone whether enemy or not.

I couldn't shake off Dhruv's voice he sounded broken I broke his trust.

I did right but why do I feel so bad?

I held my old phone tightly it was like my past my better self that I didn't want to lose. Under the pillow, I felt my current phone vibrating with messages

I ignored it

it rang.

I saw it was Sahil's call.

Why would he be calling me?

Now?

Did something happen? I imagined it to be bad but didn't let myself get carried away by it.

I didn't pick.

I thought the night was over.

He messaged me it flashed on the screen

Meet me outside
Right now
It's urgent

I won't

I won't

But what if it really was?

And that made me sneaked out I put on the jacket and shoved my old phone held the one in my hand with Sahil's message.

Just look at me holding onto two mobiles! holding onto two boys at the same time.

I was closing the main door trying to be careful enough to not wake my mom up. I turned slowly and jumped back stumbling taken aback by surprise seeing him right in front of me he caught me and pulled me in a tight hug.

"Can we forget our past for the night and be true to our feelings?"

I blinked letting it dawn on me.

The night isn't over, not yet

••••

I blew out in my fist sighing still wasn't completely over with what I did with Dhruv before that with Faisal and Soumya and here I was with Sahil back again.
It appeared I was moving in a circle.

I looked up at the glowing moon as if she was laughing at me for thinking the night would end like this. It gotta chew the very integrity outta me

Right now near him walking with him at this late hour after staining people's lives because of this boy's doings I felt not that bad anymore not that tearful.

"Serra you haven't said anything since we left your house" Sahil pointed out not complaining just stating the obvious.

"I know," I said, hoping he wouldn't mention that and we would roam around in silence and get back to our homes.

"Why?" He asked, with the ease he was sauntering in the dark it was baffling considering not a few hours ago he was hurt and dejected.

"Because I don't know what to say" I glanced up at him and squinted my eyes to see his face he noticed my struggle and pulled me jogging towards under the yellow lampost light.

I could see his face better now, bandage on his forehead lips still swollen yet there was this big smile I found admiring him.

"I thought you would be gone" I whispered gone somewhere far away like a distant painful memory.

"Me too," he said with a half-smile and hair that fell on his eyes. Feels like yesterday I chopped them off, time went by and the dynamics between us didn't change much.

I fisted my hand and drew my eyes from him at the empty road. At night the town looked no better than some ghost city.

It was kinda scary.

"Serra" he squeezed my hand that was still in his I forgot.

I looked back at him unwillingly,

"Before that happens, I want you to forget that I am your enemy like we never met that way, just erase the past the wall between us and be true to how you feel for the night for this moment and maybe....I can also act" he said sounding like he wanted to request but didn't want to force me which was a nice thought but too late I was already out of my house forced by him

"Act like?" I asked.

"act like in love ...yeah cause I never received love so how would I know how to give?" He said honestly, as a matter of fact.

Like I should already know that

It crushed my heart. I chewed my lip to suppress the pain I couldn't meet his eyes not after reading Aarav's message, was I really blinded by hate too?

"You want us to act like we are in love?" I asked my eyes fixated on his white shoes that appeared yellow under the light.

"I want you to show me how your love is Serra, I have seen your hate I have seen your commitment to it your loyalty and if you love like you hate then I guess I am already halfway to falling," he said shoes moving and stopping near mine.

I felt elated suddenly, I looked up slowly, and our eyes met, his were yearning and brimming with so much hope and wistfulness that I didn't realize they evoke in mine too,
"okay" I felt myself agreeing breathlessly.

•••

"How do couples behave?" Sahil asked.

"By not traveling at late nights it's not safe"

"What boring ass couples are you talking about?" He laughed.

I shoved my elbow in his sides

"Ouch ouch" he bent holding it

"Oh God Did I hurt you? I forgot you were bruised" I bent too in concern, he gazed at me and grinned standing up suddenly making me skid away, "I was just behaving as you thought that delicate elbow of yours would hurt"

I made a face, "you are so lame"

I continued walking without him I couldn't tell where we were going but it matter less when you have someone you didn't mind getting lost with.

He rushed up and grabbed my hand my head snapped back at him. I can't get completely used to that... holding hands ( me too 😓)

"What? couples walk hand in hand"

"You gotta ask about their consent first" I mumbled my hands shaking in his.
I am a runaway patient with breathing and shaking problems.

"Wait a moment we need to have this discussion first"

" about what"

"I don't think we are on the same page"

"What do you mean?" I frowned

"I mean I was thinking dating of more like to our generation, not 90's type"

I gritted my teeth, I yanked my hand he came along with it in my way at me

Woah...

I looked up at him with narrowed eyes I didn't have that much strength. His lips curled up with a playful smile, "you don't know anything about dating"

I flushed but admitted shaking my head, "I don't"

"Wow, it's your first time I am nervous now"

I shot him a blank look.

"Okay okay, no need to worry we have everything in control! First, we would need a bicycle" he announced moving forward searching around in the middle of the night

"Oh wait I didn't catch you I thought I heard bicycle?" I called going after him.

"Your ears are lovely as you and I really said bicycle. You know where we could get one"

"Bicycle really not a screwdriver?"
I put my hands on my hips staring at the guy in front of me jumping trying to see behind the fence of a house.

He even managed to climb up and-

"Sahil! For God's sake come down I have a bicycle" I told extending my hand out for him. He jumped clean down on the ground smoothly without my help then took my hand and said, "you cycled? cute"

"When I used to go to school," I told as a matter of fact.

"Oh in school uniform? With big spectacles? That's even cuter" he grinned

"Just stop it," I groaned walking quickly, holding my cheeks.

••

It was a herculean task to take out my bicycle from the garage, not because I had to be careful not to wake up my mom that thing became a side business.

When you have Sahil with you everything becomes a side business.

He was worse than an over-energetic kid he went rummaging over the cramped up stuff and pulled out an old-style bonnet posing for me I rolled my eyes snatching it away from his head, then he found roller skates and pulled me along and twirled me I pushed him off he went rolling down the back of the garage all the stuff fell with a loud sound.
I ran to check on him he gave me a sheepish look putting back the lamp on the tilted table.

First, the lamp dismantled to pieces followed by the table.

How was my mom not awake by now?

Was a bit concerning

I yanked Sahil out then the bicycle.

"Sahil If I knew you were this chaotic I would've tied you up" I hissed.

"Shit Serra don't get hasty we're on a first date" he covered his chest acting freaked out.

"Oh my god, you are crazy! " I cried.

It was just like before I knew he was my enemy, on the terrace in the shopping mall doing ridiculous things.

Being absolutely crazy

••

"Now what's with the cycle?" I asked once we were out of the vicinity of my house.

"It's short," Sahil said inspecting it

I shot him a look I got the large one just because I don't come across as short even though my feet didn't use to reach properly on the ground "it's according to my size"

He looked at me from up to down and gave a cheeky grin, "oh then it's tall I agree"

"Sahil.....what do you want to do with the cycle?" I asked nicely for both of our's sakes.

"Okay you see there was this couple like an elderly couple who used to work at my home. I always saw them from the window coming cycling... the man you know he used to ride with the woman sitting behind him and they were like so happy all smiling and laughing doing their jobs and going back again all happy and .. just content with their life with each other, I was like wow this is love! "

I folded my arms waiting for more

"And this is basically it" he said after the awkward silence.

"You saying we do that?" I asked incredulously.

He turned sullen slowly nodding his head, "I know It's absurd.....I just picture that was how love is I mean that was how close I could see it in real, two people happy in their small world"

I stared at my pale blue color bicycle it appeared almost new after the dusting, with actually a basket in front,
"let's do this then" I said turning to him, "If you okay with riding that...." I trailed.

Sahil's face lifted instantly, "okay! It's completely fine! but you see I am bruised so you gotta take the front I will sit here" he pointed at rear.

"Me?" I said a little hysterically.

"Why? you don't know how to ride?" He asked back ridiculing, "can't take my weight? Nervous much?"

"You wish" I scrunched my nose getting in front, "if we fall because of your stupidity remember you asked for it" I got on the seat gripping the handle expecting my feet would reach down now that I was taller yeah as if,
I held the handles putting the feet on the pedals the bicycle creaked when Sahil sat he was a tall athletic guy I just hope we didn't fall hard. Or the bicycle topple backwards. Ha I wasn't that light.

He leaned back resting his back against mine I almost lost the balance, it felt dejavu I used to cycle at night with Aarav behind when we were kids.

I clutched the handles tightly shutting my eyes and putting that memory away.

"Serra" Sahil called in a low voice

"Yeah," I said, I knew my breathing was getting hard partly because of the panic attack and partly because of his body against mine.

"I am not complaining about our position, though I would love it if we move a little"

I flushed, pushing the pedals..

••

Alright, he was heavy.

He was heavy as a horse!

"Serra look the fourth ant beat us!"

"Shut up! It's night you can't see that!" I heaved perspiration covered my forehead I blew through my teeth,
"Where are we going anyway?" You fatso

"There's a 24-hour ice cream parlor down the street though by this speed oh wait a second there's no speed even crawling is faster than this" he laughed

"I love my legs Sahil I don't want to break or sprain them" I phewed the sweat off my nose tip.

"Why are you so afraid of falling? I bet it won't hurt more than restraining"

"You sure professor?" I asked tilting my head back he wiped the sweat off my forehead with the sleeves of his sweatshirt.
"100 percent," he said blowing down my heated neck.

I shivered, wiggling, "don't do that!"

"What? I am trying to cool you off"

"Don't!"

"Move fast rider otherwise I can be your personal cooler"

"No one asked for it!" He blew in my ear I shivered again, "Fine! Hold on" I announced bumping my head with his purposely.

"Ow .. let me turn over for that" he announced excitedly

"No, no no holding on! sit right back!" I yelled my heart galloping thinking him in that position we will instantly fall down

"Haha calm down I could literally count your heartbeats" he chuckled his back vibrated against mine

I elbowed it, "stop that" and paddled hard with new resolve.

I rode fast I missed cycling. I missed turning off the reality and just thrashing forward not caring about what went by, the wind blowing the worry off my face, my hair open waving back,
the moonlight glowing beaming over us I went down the steep slope I missed this freedom this control,

"be careful from here" Sahil alerted from behind,

I put my hand back touching him in surprise, "I forgot you were still there" I said with a peal of laughter in my voice.

I didn't know I was smiling widely.

He clasped my hand instantly, "I know, kinda thrilling how you have loosened up but don't you think it's a bit dangerous cycling with one hand?"

He sounded nervous I laughed, "it's perfectly fine Sahil see I can do it just alright with one hand even without holding the handles-

He cut me off instantly
"Hold your horses sweetheart-

"Saaaahil don't be afraid I have it under control I can maybe show you my special talents in bicycling like balancing on the front wheel" I pulled on the breaks just to scare him, grinning.

Scared Sahil?
is not something you see often

"Let's not get too ahead of ourselves" he warned me putting his chin on my right shoulder.

My eyes widened yet I maintained my balance," maybe a wheelie or say hello to the ground?" I shot back, tilting the cycle a little (PLEASE DO NOT PERFORM THIS AT YOUR HOME These stunts are performed by characters under the writer's supervision oh hello there! )

He remained silent for a second got really scared I guess. I smirked, showed him his place.

"Oh Serra I am so frightened" he cooed wrapping his arms tightly around my waist and burying his face in my neck.

I froze blood rushing to my face at max temperature and I

lost my balance...

••

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