Chapter 22 : I love him

I found him taking a sudden step towards me towering over me and tugging my shying nervous eyes onto him. "It won't ever make sense Serra, you and I will, never make sense" He told stating the answer to my numerous questions.

His dark eyes roamed over my face reading my confliction and hesitancy transparent on it.

He knew he hit the bullseye that's why he dared to lift his hand and tucked a lose curl out of my hair behind my ear, "you love someone else and I have to pretend to love someone else we might not be the same but we are far from different"

He was drenched cold, yet it was I, who was shivering lacking any response. I can't help but nod to what he says.

He was right.
And that was wrong.

He painstakingly eliminated the only distance left between us by lowering his head. I felt dizzy my mind went blank leaving my body helpless here with no signal as to how to react?
what to do? Where to go?

I have only heard about hypnosis

But today, I know what serious dangerous stuff it was

I was hypnotized by a boy with dark eyes and an innocent gaze.

I was hypnotized by a boy with deadly grace and a handsome face

I was hypnotized by a boy with no heart and a sweet facade

Shit,
I was one stupid brainless hypnotized girl now.

I closed my eyes to unsee and unacknowledged what I was feeling, feeling like a magnet trying to run away from its opposite pole.

It was pointless

His lips gently brushed my eyelid descending to my cheekbones leaving a hot trail and annoyance for it being a mere brush and nothing less. It tingled and awakened my cells where they touched.

Slowly they reached down to my lips teasing the minuscule gap between us with his cold breath. Which was contrary to his sturdy body that was emitting enough heat,
enough to burn my restraint coat of good girl, I was barely holding onto

He lightly brushed my nose with his and then before I could blame him for the initiation of what I too wanted, with almost qualified as zero contact he pressed his lips against mine and stepped away leaving the cold air kissing the warmness off them.

My eyes snapped open, surprised and disappointed.

He scratched the back of his neck with A SHY EXPRESSION!!,
"oops here I was turning into the bad guy again you strictly told me not to touch you and I was doing that again, I sincerely apologize" said formerly, taking a big step back.

My breathing ragged, my lips un-kissed, my face hot with all the blood he made it rush,
I glared at him. Who was he kidding to?

I chewed my lower lip folding my arms and studied him

He shrugged, with an evil smile.

He was so cunning.

I should be revolted, I should hate him for manipulating me playing with my emotions literally treating me like his puppet.

Instead, what I felt was a plain hot attraction my mind said screw right and wrong just kiss him!

That's how badly he messed me up

The angst was only killing me because, for him, he already knew what he wants he get.

I sighed heavily, running my hand through my hair trying to look at anything but him which was just impossible!!

When he stands there watching your every move like he was mesmerized like he likes or dare I say loves me.

FOOL FOOL FOOL I was a fool

I felt like crying.

"Stop this torture Sahil, you are driving me insane!" I pointed my finger at him in despise

He laughed at it, it was a sardonic one, "you are such a chicken Serra how can anyone live like that? live in the fear of doing wrong even though you haven't done anything wrong yet you are punishing yourself for it?"

"You don't know anything!" I said with a terse voice.

"I know you enough to say that you are constantly battling with your heart with what it wants, with what you want. You are constantly haunting yourself with a fear of following it and losing yourself when what you actually don't know is that you are losing yourself in either case," He said it as if he knew me.

As if he knew me better than me.

I felt suffocated swamped by emotions. I stumbled back because it was harder to stand when your faults were slapped right on your cheek, I found myself intact by the support of the wall behind.

Who was he to say that?

When he was in no better place?

He fears nothing and does whatever he wants he wanted me to do the same?

"What do you want Sahil?" I asked finally, giving up with him

"I want you once to do something you want to do with no thoughts with no boundaries trapping you and controlling and rendering you from doing what you want because with those big walls around you Serra, you are only trapping yourself, I want you to live freely,"

"Wh--y?" I stuttered in disbelief, taken back by his sudden and out of nowhere honesty.

Or was this his another trick?

His lips tipped up, "looks like you bring the best out of me too"

I looked down shielding my abashed expression to even consider it as a compliment. One moment I was near breaking apart another on cloud nine.

That would perfectly describe how he made me feel.

"Why are you here?" I asked in a low voice staring at my ridiculous socks.

"I wanted to see you," he told smoothly.

Always so forward exactly opposite of me, way too backward

"Oh," I said without looking up, wiggling my toes awkwardly.

"Yeah" he replied to my oh

I bit my lip, "hmm.."

"Uh-huh.."

I looked up with a blank look, "that didn't even require a reply"

"Oh no Serra you would always get a reply from my side even if it isn't required," he said earnestly, suggestively, and subtly.

I wanted to cover my face and shout stop it but I held it neutral. "Now what that you have seen me? Apologize to me? Now what?"

Leave me alone

don't leave me alone

What are you doing to me!?

"Always so rude Serra geez a guy came running to you in this rain and you can't even offer a towel?"

I put my hands on my hips," the guy didn't need to"

He narrowed his eyes at me," then the guy is leaving"

"Goodbye guy" I waved my hand half-heartedly, stupidly.

He gave me a last glance then turned around walking towards the open window for the first time I noticed the cold breeze seeping in. I didn't even feel it, having this boy with the coldest heart and warmest appearance didn't let me aware of anything.

"From the window!" I shouted getting what he was doing.

He tilted his head back with a smirk, "the guy loves to make dramatic exits"

I reached him immediately that I wanted to do from before but yeah, there were many things I wanted to do that I couldn't admit out aloud.

"Sahil you know how I feel about the thought of someone jumping from a high platform...." I said, vulnerably.

His eyes glinted, "I know, after all the guy is a bad one"

He stepped on the sill crouching swiftly, like he had been doing this for ages.

Watching him from the back triggered memories that I never wanted to remember. I scrambled forward I pulled his arm toward me. He gracefully turned back having me in his arms like he was prepared he knew it I will stop him.

"Don't go Sahil" I said with a cracked voice, "not like this"

He gazed down at me with a soft expression, "what do you want Serra?" He asked, looking straight into my eyes, nudging me my suppressed desire through them

I answered by standing on tiptoes pulling him into me by wrapping my arms around his neck my lips instantly crashed his I heard a surprised oof from his side which he smoothly overcame it by lifting me from my waist and turning me against the wall with him holding me there with his body.

I should feel helpless but he made it seem like I was in control. Control of how our lips moved, control of the thumping of his heart, control of his erratic breathing, control of how he groaned when I bit his lower lip. He gave me the control and for the first time it felt different, it felt good to not be the one being controlled. It was the one thing I had always wanted in my life.

I held his collar my fingertips experienced spark of hot and cold, his wet shirt did nothing to hide his hot body. I yanked his head down to deepen the kiss. He obediently followed my instructions. I felt him shiver, I felt it right there running down his spine along my body. I found my lips curled up in a smug smile.

He drew away with wide awe eyes taking me in the new light, "you are dangerous" he whispered.

I raised my brow, he only stared at me with utmost astonishment, it made me blush to the root of my hair. I blinked thinking what I really did to surprise him? When it was always otherwise.

My eyes widened MY, OH MY GOD I KISSED HIM LIKE A HUNGRY WOMAN!!! My reaction was devoured by his mouth. "No second thought now, Serra darling"

I shut my eyes and my mind, when I went ahead and dug my fingers into his hair. I was intoxicated for real this time! Intoxicated on him, I had thrown away the big red flag out the window that always flashed in his presence when his hands ran down my sides. I lost my senses when his lips traveled down to my neck to my bare shoulder for mercy of his hot kisses that my useless T-shirt failed to protect me from.

I lost track of the time that I always counted when his wicked hand descended from my uncovered thigh to my knee-- I winced, suddenly.

He pulled back immediately with nervous eyes, "did I hurt you?"

I shook my head drawing him back to me once I got the taste of recklessness I couldn't resist but dive right back into it again and again. "It is just my knee don't mind it"

He frowned and didn't come back to me!! Eeee

He glanced down at the scrape on my knee I got it from the glass piece of one of his photo frames shot at me a few hours ago in his apartment.

He stared at my knee then he dragged his eyes back to me with remembrance. He appeared furious or guilty?

I waved my hand in dismal, "oh it's okay" I forced it out when I know it wasn't... this ...us... nothing was actually okay

He gulped then got down on his knees and carefully took my foot in his lap. Startled, I tried to pull it back but he held it firmly in place. He looked up at me with a broken expression, "It is not okay, Serra"

I couldn't watch him so remorseful and sorrowful even though he didn't deserve any pity, I put my hand on his shoulder assuring him, "Sahil, this is awkward get up, "I said rubbing his tense shoulder.

I want to hurt him but I don't want to see him hurt.

He continued staring at the small scrap on my knee with a clenched jaw,
"Get up" I urged him ruffling his hair, he grew it fast and silky, I should probably ask the brand of his shampoo.

He kissed my scraped knee shocking me out of my wits I stumbled forward even the wall behind me couldn't help me with a jolt of surprised butterflies squealing at the top of their lungs in my stomach.

I fell into his lap he caught me with a half-amused and half still angry at himself expression.

"You are crazy," I said breathlessly holding his broad nice shoulders.

"I am sorry, Serra I hurt you I didn't mean to" he kissed my nose quickly, "I didn't mean to hurt you, physically"

Physically....

I drew away my heart dropped, I asked with a forced smile, "didn't mean to hurt me physically? But emotionally? Mentally? That's not worse right?"

His head hung down speechless and unapologetic.

I got up pushing him off expecting he would fall back and hurt his back and break his spinal cord and never be able to walk again but yeah that graceful devil. Flipped up to standing position tailing me when I slumped down on the bed with tears of anger clouding my vision.

He always meant to hurt me

He is out there to hurt me

STUPID STUPID STUPID Serra to even think he likes me, he cares about me he will change for me

I felt his presence behind sitting near me. He tugged my pinky finger, "it was before" he admitted out after some time. The falling rain outside loudly complained about the silence in the room.

I tried to shove off his touch when he entangled it with his pinky finger, "I was angry and broken felt cheated by God I wanted to blame you and take out my anger at you... for loving him .....I-- I don't know what happened now but I don't feel anger anymore just sadness and guilt. I never meant to hurt you Serra, trust me"

"Why is it always like this in your case Sahil, you don't mean to hurt me but somehow I always end up getting hurt?" I asked tugging my finger away from his he flipped my hand and interlocked our fingers now. Leaving no room for escape.

"I don't know how to deal with people who hate me," he said with a strained voice like it took a lot from him to accept that.

"Full of you to think everyone has to like you"

"They do? Don't they pretend to like me?" He chuckled humorlessly.

I tried to read through his cryptic reply.

"Who pretended to love you Sahil?" I asked.

The answered silence from his side indicated that the question ran deep

I turned back at him. He looked like the ghost of himself eyeing the window from somewhere trapped and lost to the point he didn't even mind being found.

It was sad

It was painful

For me to watch him like that

I wanted to make it right

I wanted to make him smile

I wanted to ease his pain

I wanted to show him, real love

That wave of affection was like a punch to my stomach. I grimaced. What am I thinking?

Sahil answered emotionlessly, "my mother, my family, my friends" he looked at me with a careless smile, "everyone"

I squeezed his hand in pain, my eyes filling for him. I drew towards him like a failed magnet trying the escape the pull. He gazed at me with emotions so raw and new that I couldn't bear to look without pouring out what I feel for him. I embraced him drawing his head to my shoulder. He sighed inflating, pulling me to his chest.

I put my hand on his chest on his heart the strong beating to tell me it's there in search of love and it might have also found one, "you know it is better you don't know about real love, it hurts more than the pretense one" I said, losing the battle against me

I was too deep,

I was too gone away,

I was too late,

To realize I had fallen for him.

I love him, it was wrong

He was the same person who hurt Aarav he was the same person who betrayed his best friends. I have revenge against him I have to follow that and leave him, it was right

I can't screw the right and wrong even if choosing the right will destroy me more than choosing the wrong could