Chapter 21 : colours to the nightmares

When I finally returned home at night. I was tired to the bone, only realised then how much I missed my home, when I silently called for my mother the moment I entered my home.

I stared at her, her usual confident resolute figure now slumped behind the work desk, I was overwhelmed with longing. I blinked back the tears.

Her head shot up bleaked eyes flickered behind the spectacles

"Serena?" My mother's voice cracked she put aside all her work and rushed towards me, I staggered back in surprise and shock.

Surprised because she looked as tired as I felt and shocked to realise what I was missing was not home but her.

My lips quivered feeling like a kid again who used to rush and cry to her mother telling about every trifle and silliest hurt she got.

I hugged her instantly letting her once again hold me while I cry out in hurt.

She held me tightly stroking my hair, "are you hurt?"

I nodded painfully, wrapping myself around the safety of her arms.

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She didn't scold me, she didn't ask me what happened, she didn't even force me to return to the institution rather she made my favourite food and we had dinner together during which she filled me in about the Salon, and about how she was worried about me when I left the institution lying.

Eventually, I admitted out aloud I was with my friends I mean if you could dare to call those boys 'friends'.

Oh no, don't you dare. I scolded myself.

No mother would be happy of knowing her daughter was sharing the same roof with three boys.

Three boys after her life.

I laid it out all to her and also to myself that I wasn't feeling well for a long time, she hinted whether it was because of Aarav she knew that his death did bring an impact on me than I let it on and she was worried when I acted like it didn't matter much, my defence mechanism my way to deal with pain have always been lying, lying to myself, to others that it didn't matter and I don't care.

Now, I knew my mother was aware of how his death affected me but she didn't know to what extent, to the point where I had just been stuck for two years. I haven't moved on at all.

And, I don't know how to?

Give it some time,

Maybe

Well, time doesn't really help in every case, not at all where I didn't know I needed it in the first place.

I hesitantly told her what I had been thinking of for a while, I can't study in this state of mind, I can't think of my future without letting go of my past that was trapping my present.

I need time

I need time to deal with it

To deal with Sahil

Of course, I didn't tell her about Sahil.... but you know mothers and their super active sixth sense, she grew agitated and she kinda gave me knowing eyes of 'oh Serena I know there's boy trouble too ...should I be worried about it? is there something more to it? '

Glad, that she kept her reaction minimum saying she'll try to understand but she won't watch and let me ruin my life so I should beforehand inform her if things get serious and out of hands.

Annnnd,

that was enough for me as it is, from her it was a great sacrifice of restraining herself from poking and pulling out the truth, that being her first instinct.

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I exhaled lying in my bed resting my heavyweight head and staring blankly at the balcony window, it rained heavily the weather had been so grey recently, just like my life.

Clouds of despair, rainfall of pain.
They seemed to not leave me alone, rendering me insane

I closed my eyes hearing and feeling the pitter-patter against the glass.

It was around 11 pm and I was only thinking about him.

Like, Devil and angel on my shoulders

My thoughts clashed with each other with swords ⚔️

Angel: stop thinking about him he has a girlfriend!

Devil- He doesn't want her, He doesn't love her!

Angel- He does care about her and that means enough

Devil- everybody feels sympathetic and 'care' towards a sick person, still, there could be something more ...it looked kinda forced...

Angel- he only brings pain

Devil- our girl kinda like it

Angel - He lives in the dark

Devil- our girl seemed to have lost sight of light too

Devil- He likes you

"So do I," I mumbled.

I shook my head instantly freaking out!, "nope, I don't"

Devil- He wants to be with you

Angel- Yeah that's why he didn't stop me

Devil- He can't stay away from you long

Angel- He did today

Devil- He didn't know where you were duh..?

Angel- but right now, he knows.... doesn't he know?

Devil - so he might be coming soon ;)

Involuntarily, I roughly started calculating the time since I left him and considering, how long can he stay away from me knowing where I was without showing up like he always does.

It takes 2 hours and 07 minutes as per the previous cases.

I stared back at the Pikachu wall clock in my room.

2hours.

It has been two hours... two hours ago I left his apartment.

I left him

My heart galloped, I turned my head away scolding myself what the hell is wrong with me???
He hurt me
He is just disarranged... that's just the truth so how can I want something that's just so wrong to all levels...???

I counted minutes stupidly, burying my face in the pillow. I was ashamed of me to wish for him to show up when he literally traumatized me today.

5

4

3

2

I glanced at the window holding my breath and myself wishing the opposite at the last second.

1

At that moment, something stroke against the window like a pebble startling me to sit up with wide eyes. It brought back the jolt of fear when Sahil threw photo frames at my way today.

I didn't move from my spot, I held myself there.

It struck again.

Slowly, I opened the window and looked down.

It was raining so heavily I couldn't see anything in the darkness somehow squinting, I made out a figure standing outside.

Outside, of my house with no umbrella and the way the darkness made him stand out, I should know better who it was.
He had a bag from which he bent and threw another pebble at my window I dodged, sacred. It came inside my room.

What I was thinking as a pebble was actually a paper ball...

I examined it carefully,

A paper wrapped around one of the yellow smiley balls this one had a hopeful expression 🥺

I smoothed the crease to read what was there.

Let me in

My eyes widened.

How can he just say that?

Oh, why was I even surprised when it came to Sahil?

Opening the balcony door. I picked the first ball he threw, it had a crying face ball😭

I am sorry,

the paper said.

I shook my head in anger.

He threw another ball he was repeating the same thing aiming objects at me didn't he know I was still shaken from the first one?

This one had a sad face ☹️

I am trying to replace your memory

I found myself frowning and smiling at the same time because that's what happened in his case.

Then another ball had a smirking face 😏

Open the door I will apologize to you on my knees

Then another,

I will kiss your feet

Then another,

I will do anything you want me to do

For the umpteenth time,

I will stand here the whole night getting wet in the rain

Soon, there were all kinda emojis face balls(😍🥰🤩🤗😙🤗😃) in my room and my lap was covered with colourful papers.

He was trying to bring colours to the nightmares, he gave me.

My mother was next door how could I go down this late?

Wait, why was I even considering this?

I glanced down again to see what was he doing? I can't seem to get rid of the need, the urge to watch what he does, to listen to what he says. To just have him around me, he was trying to pull out another ball not caring he was probably drenched and cold and booking his days in bed lying sick

He shot the ball I caught it, little excitedly, it had a black heart 🖤

I will not leave you alone.

This pushed me to move, I got down immediately opening the door I didn't have to step out he was right there on the porch soaked, water dripping off his hair from his thick lashes, beads of them glistening on his lower lip. Under the dim cloudy blue porch light he was a vision how can anyone look so innocent and dangerous at the same time was beyond logics. I grabbed his wrist pulled him in worried about his health, he stumbled in pulling his arm out of my hold lightly then grabbed my hand in his. My heart skipped a beat probably alarming me about what just happened or was about to happen, him taking my hand in his was the most unfortunate and lovely thing.

I turned around to him with a finger on my lips warning him while climbing upstairs. He stared at it then removed my finger and kissed it. I lost my balance whispering what are you doing?

"I am sorry, you can kiss mine in return," he said sounding real remorse.

He's unbelievable.

I shook my head and yanked him to my room and after closing the door I let out a relieved sigh.

My mother was trying to be an open mind person considering my situation; my clueless self and I didn't want her to retract to her old ways by discovering I dragged a boy into my room.

The turn of the events dawns on me shaking me with nerves.

What's with me and boys in my room kinda situations happening on repeat?

My head fell against the closed door, despondently.

I hate my life

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I counted backwards then did a skip counting then 9 multiple counting then...

"Umm..Serra if you are gonna pretend that I am not here then should I help you by jumping out of the window?" He joked.

I whirled around narrowing my eyes at his soaked self he was wearing a white transparent shirt stuck to his body outlining some great physique, I settled my spectacles speculating?

Are those eight packs?

I counted unconsciously.

Gulping, I looked back at him dropping my hand immediately, like expected he smirked even shifted near for close up views.

I waved my hand in dismal, "what's with you and jumping around?... after out of nowhere showing up... after .. bullying me. .and following me standing out of my house when it is raining heavily do you care about yourself? Your health? And you ......" I pursed my lips shut my stupid goddamn mouth then folded my arms, "what is really up with you?"

"I am trying to figure it out too.." he said eyes on me he took a step towards me. I pasted my back on the door confused between covering the distance and running the other way around.

"Sahil" I warned him.

He tilted his head innocently while he took me in my state standing from there.

I turned crimson realising I was in a super large captain America tshirt reaching some inches above my knees with matching blue and white stars patterned socks

I didn't have any fashion cells in me . Still,I held myself up confidently.

He groaned frustrated, "damn it are you trying to kill me Serra!"

"What am --I doing?" I was baffled

He covered his eyes shaking his head, "do you know anything?? Anything about my type " he marched suddenly to me with fuming expression.

He was insane.

"What are you speaking rubbish!?"

"I also, didn't know" he continued paying no heed to my freaked out self, "I didn't know that I will be head over heels for a girl whose room's walls are covered with mathematical formulas whose dressing sense doesn't even exist whose personality is -

I held my head up giving him death glare, seething,"you can't stand right in front of me, in my room and insult me like I am not present here"

He drew his head down responding me with cool assessing eyes resting it against my tilted forehead,"so interesting one moment you are shy and demeanour and another ready to throttle anyone....so interesting" he said his thumb stroking my cheekbones.

I wanted to push him away I wanted to throw him out of my room I wanted to shout at him... what the hell was he doing?

But the most I wanted to do was, pull him closer.

I shifted away out of his reach mumbling, "Sahil...I- um this is not making sense you in my room I letting you in here and then this-"My words got swallowed when I found him...

To be continued....