Chp13
Chapter 13 ~ Cinderella
"You will not leave Serra before I finish, you wanted to know everything isn't it?" He asked, taunting. He inclined his head down to meet mine when I looked away burning with anger and something else"you will know everything" he promised darkly over my parted lips.
I tilted my head up at him staring at the person I didn't know but he looked familiar he had this dark smile that false enticing handsome face yet what always cracked my resolve were those eyes those sad eyes brimming with immense pain and guilt and exposing the most saddest and loneliest person out there.
I covered my face with my arm to unseen them, I am such a big fool to fall for it. Why couldn't I just leave him to be?
He shifted back speaking,
"Everything what I did I loved it momentarily, it was nowhere near easing that torn and bereft feeling I always felt, the emptiness that he dug in me, it will forever remain bigger in comparison to what I could do to him. No matter how I hurt him. He had this tendency to act unaffected always bounced back on his feet regardless of how hard I hit him. I was mad, I felt it was unfair I saw him my biggest enemy I wanted to ruin him just like he did but damn nothing get past that paper prince!" Sahil ran his hand through his hair frustrated.
"But, every prince charming has his precious Cinderella out there"he told his head slowly turning to me.
"Me and my friends searched for that Cinderella aka Selena once I went through your messages. I knew, she was someone from our school! Bingo"
I pursued my lips knowing where this was going.
"But you lied, Cinderella?" He said, coming towards me I braced myself again."you lied everything about you but still your prince knew it was you and in order to protect you, both him and Soumya fooled me into believing it was Soumya his Cinderella. Soumya knew about my crazy searching for you and she used it for her advantage, to get my attention. I beleived her but of course, I knew it wasn't her because you are you Serra and no one can take that place ever" he stated staring right through me, through my weak attempts of looking horrified by that statement.
I stared back unhinged by the ardent pull towards darkness luring me towards something that won't bring any good.
He dragged his eyes away pacing back and forth giving me much opening to leave, I slumped back sighing at my inability to get up now that he mentioned Aarav knew it was me, did he for real love me? Why didn't he tell me about it? Why did he have to go through all to protect me? was I really worth it?
"I was actually enjoying this hide and seek game. Your Prince trying best to keep you away out of me, I was letting it go on, purposely because I knew ultimately I will win I get everything at last ...oh yeah that's... what I thought until shit happened way too bad shit happened and I stopped caring"he said drawing a deep breath.
"I stopped caring about everything, about your Aarav about you Selena about all the things in my life.. In one day I lost everyone, friends, family just everything was over.
Here, I graduated and there, my father fixed an engagement with Soumya making me the sole heir of the company, I couldn't care less about neither of them. To make my mind okay or you can say to give me grieving time my father gave me 6 months to get back in my form and returned to the business with a fresh start. 6 months and I will move on, 6 months and I will behave like nothing happened. But, 6 months or 6 years I didn't want to do anything because what I was feeling or lack of any feeling, seemed like a constant thing after that. No medicine no doc could revive a living dead person " He sighed, holding his head in his hand sagging back.
It was a pitiful sight. I didn't know which of his form was most bearable whether his playful form or Devilish form or this broken beyond repair one?
I turned away because if I react by anyhow, I knew, later on it will hurt me too, I asked with a curt voice,
"How did I come into this Sahil? Why am I still sitting here? What did I and Aarav do to you to deserve this?"
I wasn't certain if I really wanted to know that because then it will completely shatter my glass wall that I was building around me to protect myself from him.
He told looking straight mustering up to appear composed,
"I never wanted you to get involved in this mess, Serra, not with me. It was all over, I lost a big time. I only came to see you from afar in your institution but it was you who deliberately came to me. It was you who tried to save the very wrong person that day. It was you who wanted to be friends with the 'killer'. You tried to search goodness in me. You tried to help me when you were barely holding the last straw yourself, I saw how you were struggling too but you overcome it, didn't you?, to know me, you put away your insecurities to reach me.
I wanted to do the same crack your shell to see the real you, I for a moment forgot you were the love of the person, I hated most the one and only who took away mine shouldn't I follow what I had previously thought of? To take you away from him? Shouldn't I? "
He paused, his gaze searching for answers in mine. I was frozen feeling chills, his words echoing in my mind replaying the same line over and over again.. .
Save the very wrong person that day...
"You don't know how I would give everything away to know what goes in your mind" he said watching me intendedly when I remained unfocused and spaced out.
I got up rigidly taking him by surprise when I stomped where he was propping his back against the table, I stopped right in front of him breathing hard, "you were going to jump that day?" I said, dumbfounded looking at his face.
He tilted his head observing me with an unreadable expression,"look! that's what I am talking about you you putting everything aside to know my welfare, haven't I hurt you enough babe?" He said with a sad smile.
He didn't answer my question. I tried to read it on his face which he turned away noticing,
"you are constantly on my mind Serra, I get up everyday with a thought that today I will deal with it properly, once and for all the final decision you go your way and I go my way. I want no more harm. I don't want you to hurt you but I do want it, I do want to torture that part of you that is still hung up on Aarav, that still loves him, treasures him and hates me." He gulped struggling to fight his side, the emotional one that was consuming his all pretend.
"I want you to be out of my sight to save both of us but I chose to be persistently with you and you chose to never leave me alone, aren't we reckless ones?" He asked cocking his eyebrow pretending to make joke out of it he does that when he gets too close to talking about what he really felt.
I was lost for words when he asked again,"why don't you leave me alone Serra?"
I blinked confused, "you are manipulating me?"
He laughed, it wasn't a happy one, "you're manipulating yourself Serra, if I am bad if I am so unbearable just leave me to myself just go away you can leave anytime -
"You said to me to stay! you followed me around! you kissed me! you hurt me! you lie to me! you threatened me so how the hell are you blaming me?" I stared at him in disbelief how can he say that to me?. The other guys threatened me and with all that schemes and all the betrayal, how can he turn the blame on me?
"Did I tie you to a chair? Did I held you as a prisoner? Did I force you into anything you didn't want to do? If I did, Serra punch me in my face as hard as you can or you know just break my nose too, but after that walk away from here, walk away and don't turn back ever. I can't stay away from you but you can. You think I like hurting you? I do it purposely? I don't. I don't control my behavior I have been wrecked since I don't even remember, I am beyond any repair nothing can change me. Not even you. Go away Serra. I am giving you a chance before I cling to your very soul" he said with that look that intense, dark and piercing look that knocked my lungs out of every breath. I struggled catching it but didn't move my eyes away once from his. Why do I feel such a strong pull everytime? It is just not fair It is just so wrong why can't I resist ever?
I swallowed hard, "are you serious?"
"Dead serious, don't worry about anything any of the guys, they won't ever cross your path. I will take care of everything. Just go away. " he said and turned away stiffly.
Will he seriously keep his words? What about my revenge but how can I hurt him more when there's nothing left to ruin? What about Dhruv? He threatened me to help in finding Selena?
.. I don't know why I stood there counting questions that weren't as important as the fact I can go, I can leave that was what I wanted in the first place. Escape miles away from these people.
Why can't even I take a step away from him? Maybe it was really revenge that held me back. I wanted to destroy more, I wanted to do something for Aarav for my first love who went extreme to protect me. Yes, it was revenge! Revenge really change people sometimes they don't even consider about themselves they can't even rationalize what's right and wrong. They just don't care about anything.
Instead of rushing away and taking the very first train back to institution. I found myself walking near him.
"Sahil?" I called softly from behind, his tense shoulders relaxed and hands left the edge of the table that he was gripping so tightly his knuckles turned white, when he heard my voice right behind him.
"Were you really going to jump that day?" I asked again tears welling up in my eyes. Don't know why everything stopped mattering after he said that.
He joked lightly without facing me
"You are now regretting pulling me back that day? Aren't you ? This all won't happen if I-
I hit on his back,"stop it!" My voice cracking I hit him again and again on his back while sobbing how can he say that? He really doesn't care about me.
He slowly faced me around, I didn't stop, rather pounded on his turned hard chest while tears flowing down through eyes.
He grabbed my arms gently seeing how I turned into a water dam over his sick joke. Hiccupping and sniffing. I tugged my arm out of his hold crying loudly he pulled me to him then cupped my tear soaked face making me look at him, "I wasn't going to jump that day, Serra" he told firmly and appearing so honest for the first. I watched his blurry face with tears glassing my eyes, with his thumbs he brushed them of, "I don't know know what I was doing but I wasn't going to jump so now stop wishing on it so much" I was going to punch him again but he chuckled pulling me to his chest wrapping his arms around my back while I cried in relief and confusion.
"You didn't leave me I gave you the chance? You really hate me that much Serra" he said trying to sound angry but his arms around me tightened simultaneously.
"Immensely" I added, inhaling him his breezy addicting smell gradually soothing me and my worry of just the thought of him not being here. What's wrong with me? How can I desire something that hurt me so much?
Maybe I was wrecked too.
•
•
I don't know what happened in that moment? What was it about? I was so confused but whenever I think of him jumping from the terrace I grew so agitated and I stopped functioning I can't fathom the thought of it, it brings back all the pain when I lost Aarav.
But how can I compare the two when they both are different ?
One's the cause of the another.
I was torn between two things... Why was I torn when my heart always belonged to Aarav?
I chewed my lip with a stinging realisation that I called Sahil a cheater when I was being the same.
"You look like you are going to cry again" Sahil said beside me looking down at me with concern, "I don't like it when you cry" he said frowning.
I frowned too, how could he say these things so easily? Didn't he know about the havoc he already stirred in my mind?
"And, I don't like you forgetting about the fact that you have a girlfriend. A Fiancee" I corrected myself begrudgingly," whether you accept it or not but you have a girlfriend Sahil,"I told fixing my eyes to the gate. I took small steps, "it hurts me so much that I am doing this to another girl and someone who's ill and so kind, she doesn't deserve this"
He pursed his lips when his face twisted with real remorse. I was grateful he didn't shut him off like before by treating it lightly and in a playful manner. He sighed, "I honestly don't know what to do?"
Can't you end things with her? I shoved that thought and said, "be a good boyfriend I know it is impossible for you but just at least don't cheat on her ...not with me" I implied clutching a hand to my chest. Just the feeling of him with someone else made it pang so much even though I didn't like him. I can't imagine what Soumya felt when she loved him blindly.
"You want me to be a good boyfriend?" He asked incredulously.
I facepalmed here he does that again."It is not what I want Sahil it is what you should do"
"But what do you want Serra?" He asked grinning and I lost him again to his defence mechanism of dealing with serious stuff with not being serious at all.
I sighed, "Sahil, I can't just forget what you did to Aarav so stop harvesting any idea of us!"
Why am I standing near him? If a year back someone said I would be having casual conversation with the bully of Aarav whom I have kissed like two times approx without any guilt unless I remind myself to feel, then I would probably strangle that person for defaming me.
But on a serious note,
I can't forget what Sahil was capable of doing and what he wasn't
I can't forget he hurt me and he will do that again in the future
I can't forget that I was solely here for revenge
I stepped towards him and yanked him down to my eye level by his collar his eyes widened and lips parted in surprise,"here me loud and clear I will say this once Sahil, you won't kiss me again you won't touch me again if we are gonna live under the same roof you will be five feet away from me? Do you get that?"
As if to prove how defiant and shameless he was he bent his head and tried to clasp my lower lip between his teeth. I pushed him away straying backwards with a stumble, "I know I am a pushover Sahil but you always push me to its limit! You compel me to take drastic step every time that I won't have done in my full conscious. I am going to tell Soumya that we kissed" with that I turned around and marched towards the opened gate of the apartment. Sahil alarmed catch up hurriedly, "listen Serra, you can't do that you know how ill she is. This won't be good for her health" what was there?
Care and dread in his voice for her.
It broke my heart, "you do care about her then?"
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