I sat down on one of the benches they set out for families who are stuck waiting in the hallway for hours. It felt like I'd been here that long, waiting for Toma to get off his shift, but whenever I complained about it to him, he'd always give me that look, the one that said I was selfish for putting my petty needs above those of dying people, and when I gave him the look that said I miss you and I want to go home, he'd just sigh and say that work was work and he'd do his best. He couldn't give me a hug because he was covered in blood from surgery.
So I waited. Sometimes I tried to do homework, but I got bored. I used to try and make friends with some of the regulars, but the regulars stopped coming after a while, and not because they recovered. So I quit that and took to just sitting and observing.
Do you ever wish something awful happened to you? Or maybe not to you, but to someone close to you? Sometimes, I wish Toma would get in an accident and die. Then, people would feel bad for me. They'd talk to me, they'd stay with me, they'd give me the hugs I'd missed out on because they wouldn't have been extricating a bullet from the aortic chamber. They'd love me the way Toma didn't have time to. I'd be a victim instead of someone surrounded by a whole building of victims.
Do you hate me for wishing that? Sometimes I hate me too. Sometimes I wish I'd be the one in the accident and not Toma. Then I wish I'd be able to watch my own funeral. But then I remember that nobody will come, and Toma will be stuck with a double shift, and my coffin will just sit there, shiny and glistening and waiting for someone to kneel before it and whisper the words they'd never told me, only nobody's knees will touch that little platform, and nobody's lips will whisper the words I desperately hope someone wants to say.
And again, I have to hate myself a little. The girl across the hall from where I sat down was probably only breathing with the assistance of a machine. Somebody else had probably just lost their heart beat. Somebody's monitor was going off, beeping frantically.
I didn't have an IV in my arm, I didn't have a mask on my face, I didn't have tubes in my throats. So, in medical terms, I was fine.
I wasn't fine.
I sighed, laying down. I wonder if Toma finished up in surgery yet. Or maybe they put him on another shift?
"Kaneki!" a voice called out. "Ken!"
I sat up, looking for the voice. It wasn't unusual to hear people calling out to each other, but I didn't often hear a lot of young guys wandering around in the hospital.
"Kaneki Ken, I know you're in here!" A boy with golden hair turned the corner and stopped briefly when he saw me. Then a smile filled his face. "Hi! Sorry to bother you! Do you know the room for Kaneki Ken?"
I shook my head slowly, staring at the boy. He was cute. Looked like a college kid. The kind of kid who would forget my face by the time he was out of the hallway.
But for once, I didn't want him to forget me. Out of everyone in the world, I wanted him to remember me, and not just today, but tomorrow, and next week, and the week after that. I wanted to have a conversation and laugh with him.
But none of that would happen if he left and I didn't do anything.
So I started it all. Right at that moment.
I opened my mouth as though about to say something, then I forced myself to cough heavily, leaning over and shaking with the force.
He stopped from where he'd already begun walking away, his footsteps ceasing as hesitation took over. "Hey, are you okay?"
I paused, then nodded, just long enough to seem reluctant to accept someone's help. "I'm fine," I whispered.
He frowned, and the concern was better than a passing smile. "We should get you back to your room. Where is it?"
I quickly ran through my memory of the hospital to think of which rooms were currently empty and who had moved out recently. "B135. But I'm fine," I added, standing up slowly like it hurt my lungs to do so.
"Really, I don't mind helping-"
I flung out my hand, pushing his hand away like I couldn't bear to accept his help. Then I paused as though I regretted hitting him. "I'm sorry, I..." I turned and left, keeping my pace somewhat slow.
"Wait!" he shouted from behind me, and I paused, half turning.
"What's your name?" he asked.
I waited a long moment before turning and leaving. You have to dangle a carrot in front of him. You have to give him something to want so he'll come back. You want him to come back,  don't you?
I did. So I lied to him and left him alone in the hospital hallway.
Did I hate myself a little?
I should have.
But I didn't.

A/N: thanks to all who have read my previous works, particularly Tokyo Ghoul. A reader requested a new reader x Hide after finishing "Sky of Glass," so here it is. Hope you enjoy. I love reading comments and try to respond to all of them, so please drop me one if you like what you've read :) more to come soon.
-D73