To help me see myself clearer
I never meant to start a fire
I never meant to make you bleed
I'll be a better man today

__________________________

But even weeks later, Johnny still showed the leader his cold shoulder and only spoke to him when he had to. Taeil and Yuta also began to behave colder and more rejecting towards him and Taeyong didn't understand the world anymore. Had Lei told the others the truth? Actually, all NCT members knew about his past, so why should his past suddenly become a problem now? However, he couldn't talk to the boys, because they either avoided him or he himself didn't have time for it because of his busy schedule with NCT and SuperM, and this tormented him a lot. He wanted nothing more than to get the matter out of the way and to get along with all members again. He didn't understand why the world had suddenly turned against him, when everything was actually going great at the moment. Of course he knew that not everyone got a second chance and yes, maybe he himself had not deserved one and this was now worth it. Maybe he should have suffered more and been punished more after all the deeds in his high school time and this was now made up for. Taeyong didn't know it and this fact made him a bit anxious. The time he spent with SuperM distracted him, fortunately from the stress with Lei and he enjoyed the time with his new band more and more. Especially with Taemin and Baekhyun he got along better and better. The time with Jaehyun also distracted him a little bit and he just hoped that everything would get straightened out and Lei would lose interest in him too. Unsuccessfully, even now, one month after the first incident in the studio, nothing had changed for the better. Lei literally treated Taeyong like shit. He used every time they were alone together to remind the younger one of his mistakes or to screw him up, whereby Taeyong's feelings of guilt reappeared and threatened to suffocate him. He himself had tried to leave his past behind, had buried his old self. He didn't want to be the one from the past anymore and also didn't want to be the one who broke down because of his actions and the consequences. But Lei managed to scratch the leader's self-confidence with every hostile look, every little mean remark. Taeyong knew that he had to end it all. He didn't want to become who he once was. It had taken too long to become the way he is now and he decided to confront Lei once again. Maybe he couldn't change his behavior as a normal person, but maybe he could as a leader, because that' s what Taeyong still was. He was still the leader of NCT and he would use this position now. During their one-on-one training, which still took place to the sorrow of Taeyongs, he decided to talk to the older one about it. He wanted to give him the choice to finally end their fight or he would go to the management and let them settle the issue. Taeyong wasn't someone who would let the management solve his problems, but in this case he didn't know what to do anymore. Lei had also spread rumors about him that were absolutely made up, but Johnny, Taeil and now even Yuta seemed to believe him more than their leader and if there was one thing Taeyong hated, then it was lying. Especially when those lies hurt someone else. He didn't care that they harmed himself, what he was worried about was the atmosphere within the band, because Lei had managed to set three members against Taeyong in the little time he was with NCT and he didn't like the uncomfortable mood in the band. He didn't want any more that his members came to him in the evening and asked him if the rumours were true and he also didn't want any more that they had to support one side. NCT had always been a family where nobody was excluded and exactly that had changed Lei completely in a few days.

At the end of the training, which actually only consisted of Lei giving Taeyong no attention but cold glances and doing his thing in front of the mirror, Taeyong paused the music and turned to the older one with crossed arms in front of his chest. "We should talk." He actually managed to sound confident even though he was totally nervous on the inside. Even though Taeyong was the leader, he was still shy around people. He often managed to appear strong and cool on the outside, but on the inside he felt a total mess every time. Lei also crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at him disparagingly. "It can't go on like this anymore. I really don't want your, I don't know, desire for revenge anymore. "Let bygones be bygones and let's be a normal band." Lei's answer was the same as always, first an annoyed humming before he sneered. "This was only the beginning, Taeyong." With these words, the older one turned to the mirror again and kept practicing his choreo. Taeyong bit his lip and scratched his head before turning to face the other. "Then you leave me no choice and we'll probably have to continue this with the management." Lei stopped at his words immediately and his face darkened. "What did you say?" His words sounded calm, too calm. He turned to the younger one and looked at Taeyong from slightly narrowed eyes. Taeyong swallowed slightly. He knew that the management would listen to him and would even believe him rather than Lei, because that's exactly what leaders were there for. "You leave me no choice." With these words Taeyong turned on his heel and grabbed his stuff. He had given Lei the choice, and since he wouldn't use it, he would just act now. But before he could leave the studio he was roughly grabbed by his arm and pulled back. Surprised and confused he stumbled back and looked into the incredibly angry face of Lei. His eyes glowed black and radiated incredible hate and without being able to defend himself against it his fist landed in Taeyong's face. Taeyong immediately hissed in pain, pulled his arm out of Lei's grip and stumbled back again. His nose as well as his lip immediately started bleeding and aching and tears shot through the pain in his nose into his eyes. But before Taeyong could react properly, Li's fist made contact with his body again. This time he hit his cheek and when Lei drew back a third time Taeyong automatically held his arms in front of his face, whimpering slightly, and let himself fall to his knees. Lei just laughed at this. "God you're so pathetic!" and kicked him in the side with full force and Taeyong could have sworn he could hear one of his ribs bones breaking. This time screaming slightly in pain he fell to the side and tried to slip away from Lei. He laughed triumphantly again. "Next time you better think about who you're messing with." And with that he disappeared from the studio, leaving a Taeyong trembling with pain on the floor. Taeyong himself was much too shocked to understand what on earth had just happened. Whimpering, he curled up slightly and held his incredibly aching side. The pain in his nose was nothing compared to the pain in his rib and the tears that had been burning in his eyes for a long time made their way across his cheeks.