chapter twenty-two
fake
[shawn peter raul mendes]
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my eyes flutter open, and i turn around, seeing i'm in my hotel room. i scrunch my face up in confusion.

wasn't i with anya just now?

i stand up, switching the lights on, slipping a top on. i get my phone, looking at the time.

8:32am, 7th january.

wait isn't it like the 9th?

i unlock my phone, going to anya's contact and dialling her number. i place the phone over my ear, hearing it ring.

"shawn why are you calling me?" she sighs, as she answers.

"what? we were literally spending time together two hours ago, and you took me back-" i ask in confusion.

"woah, woah, woah, took you back?" she laughs sarcastically. "shawn i quit. we broke up yesterday, for real."

"what?" i get out, choking up my voice.

"wait what did you think? you were awake when i was signing the files." she says.

"what do you mean i was awake?" i ask, standing up.

"you passed out from crying too much midway whilst i was signing them." she says quietly. "i gotta go shawn, i'll see you around."

"what i-" she cuts me off, hanging up the phone. i scream, chucking my phone down, crouching down and clutching my fists, putting my head on my hands, leaning down.

"fucking idiot." i cry, shaking with sobs wracking my body, tears pouring down my cheeks.

two knocks are heard at my door. "shawn, two minutes, come on, we're heading to a radio." andrew reminds me. i sigh, wiping my eyes and standing up, grabbing my stuff, putting a jacket on and heading out of my hotel. i join my team in the car, ignoring most of them for the entire journey.

"shawn you need to cheer up-" andrew starts.

"and do what?" i shout. "and forget huh? forget the only girl i have properly fallen in love with?"

"no it's not like that-"

"then what is it like huh?" i snap. "you don't know how this feels. i will never not feel so incredibly guilty." i spit, looking at the traffic building up in new york.

"i'm sorry shawn." he mumbles, as everyone drops their conversations.

"so what's this interview for?" i ask, finally starting to talk in the car.

chris gasps next to me, putting her hand over her mouth. i look at her in confusion.

"oh nothing, continue." she laughs, putting her phone in her pocket. i sigh, as i listen to geoff explain.
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[third person]
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anya
don't tell him but i had a dream that we got back together

chris
wait what

anya
yeah it was weird

anya
i miss him already

anya sighs, unplugging her straighteners, and putting them on her dresser, finishing up with brushing through her freshly straightened hair.

it was so real. the way he peppered kisses all over her, held her closely to hi chest, whispered those eight letters to her, talked for what seemed like hours, but wasn't even that, more like only a few minutes.

the group of crew members drive past her apartment block, and shawn can't help but want to run out and call anya his again, kiss her, hold her.

"shawn mendes nice to see you!" anya stops in her tracks, listening to the radio.

"hey man, good to see you too." his voice fills her ears, making her stomach drop, and place a hand over her mouth.

"so, shawn, an arena tour this year?" he stifles a laugh.

"yeah, it's absolutely crazy." he says. "it's horrid that i don't have someone with me to witness it."

"talking about anya we see?" the interviewer laughs, making anya groan in disgust.

"yeah-yeah i am." he says sadly. "you know you don't realise how much you need someone, and how much you love them until they are really gone from your life." anya's heart leaps, as she hears shawn laugh slightly. "just don't be stupid like me, then you won't loose anyone."

anya turns down the radio, getting breakfast together. she finishes frying her pancakes, beginning to eat them.

shawn however, sits in a bathroom, tears sliding down his cheeks, wishing he never spoke to anya like he did. he's two blocks away from her, all he wants to do is run to her apartment, trap her in his arms, kiss her lips, make her feel special and loved, and feel the same way towards him.

"why?" he mumbles, wiping his hands across his face, wiping his eyes and standing up to walk out of the bathroom.

"shawn, are you okay?" some girls ask, as he walks out of the bathroom, seeing they are still there, even after the meet and greet.

"oh hey guys, yeah i'm fine." he laughs it off, making them nod their heads.

"you know, you and anya will make up soon." one says to him, making him smile sadly.

"thanks guys, hey do you want some pictures?" the girls shake their heads.

"we just wanted to know you were okay, have a great day shawn!" he hugs them all, and they walk out, talking quietly about him.

shawn walks out of the radio station, taking pictures with fans, before walking up to the oh so familiar apartment block.

"anya, please open up." he begs, knocking on her door. she clicks it open.

"oh hi shawn." she mumbles. "um what are you doing here?"

"forgive me, take me back." he whispers.

"shawn- i." anya says shakily. "you should go."

"give me an answer." he snaps, making her jump a little. "oh shit- are you scared of me?" shawn asks, hurt and softer.

"n-no." she lies.

"i can't believe it." he mumbles, tears welling up in his eyes again.

"shawn you need to go, and lose my contact okay?" anya asks him, starting to shut the door.

"is that what you want?" he asks, looking down.

"yeah." she says, trailing off. "goodbye shawn."

"goodbye anya." and with that, the door slams on his face, shaking him and making him realise he's lost her, for good.

he was the one being fake, not her.
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i'm so worried for shawn, i'm scared he's going to push himself into snl and the jbb on sunday, and then get even more ill because he pushed himself into it. he needs to rest, and understand that we don't care if he has to cancel, we care about his wellbeing and if he is okay :((