chapter thirty-one
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
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oh gosh, why am i overreacting about this? shawn didn't mean a thing, i hope. i'm so stupid.

"well, put your ring on before he gets here." kelsey says to me, finishing her coffee.

"kelsey, i just told you! shawn and i are moving too fast!" i shout at her. "i'm not ready to be engaged!"

"you were the one who went along with it in the first place! look, do you love him?"

"of course i do!" i argue back. "but he leaked the information via someone he knows is trying to get into his boxers!"

"have they fucked before?" kelsey suddenly asks me.

"what? no!" i say back to her. "i don't know- we were on a break." i finally sigh. "could he have though? i don't know what goes through his head, and what happens in his life!"

"maybe amber forced it to him and he realised you aren't a part of his life, and then he leaked the info, thus having that shouting fit at you." kelsey pieces together.

"he wouldn't though, would he?" i ask softly. "i mean the worst he's done is kiss another girl, and that was a dare."

"he kissed another girl? in front of you?" kelsey suddenly bursts, as i nod. "dump him, anya! you don't know what else he's done!"

someone's phone starts ringing, and kelsey and i look at each other, confused. "that's not my phone." we both say.

"shawn." i mumble, going up to where the noise is coming from. i see his phone, and i pick it up quickly, seeing chris calling him. i answer it, sighing.

"shawn?" she asks. "andrew just texted me, are you staying with me?"

"it's anya." i come out with. "and he's staying with me, i just told him about twenty minutes ago."

"what happened?" chris asks confused. i explain what happened, and she stays quiet the entire time.

"chris what are you hiding from me?" i ask, standing up.

"i'm not hiding anything." she lies.

"chris..." i sigh. "tell me."

"shawn and amber had a flirty relationship when you were on the break with him." she says slowly. "don't tell shawn i told you, please."

"i'm his fiancée." i say softly. "not anymore, he basically cheated on me!"

"anya, calm down, you don't know the full story yet." chris says. "look ill come to your place."

"okay, so then shawn will have to admit things." i sigh. "how could he?"

"anya-" chris starts.

"no! me and him have been engaged for literally four days, and already this is messed up!" i shout. a knock is heard at the door and i freeze. "shit that's him, i gotta go." i hang up quickly, putting his phone down where i found it, before rushing to answer the door.

"anya i don't even know what they said but-"'

"don't even." i cut him off. "when were you going to tell me that you had a casual relationship with amber?"

"how did you find out?" i laugh sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"you didn't even bother to advocate responsibility." i glare at him. "i can't believe you."

"i was annoyed at you for getting closer to brooklyn!" shawn argues.

"have i talked to him since though? what if i began a flirty relationship with i don't know, brian while we were on a break?" he stays quiet. "exactly."

"i'm sorry." he says softly to me. "for everything, for being a jerk, for hurting you, for abusing your trust, for saying those things to you, for being flirty with amber, but most of all, i'm sorry for falling in love with you."

i take the ring back out of my pocket, handing it back to him. "maybe you should take this." he looks at me, a clear stare of hurt coating his face.

"don't do this anya." he states. "if you do this, i'm out."

"out of what? so you can go and fuck amber without feeling guilty?" i shout again.

"out of this relationship to never have another one." he says bitterly, grabbing his phone, and going to his suitcases which are beside the front door.

"shawn where are you going?" i ask him quietly. "stay." he rushes up to me, going down on one knee.

"baby please." he begs.

"i-i can't." i stutter. "all we do is fight shawn."

"i know that, and i'm willing to change if we can still be together." his eyes tear up, making my heart break. "you love me, don't you?"

"i won't ever stop." i mumble to him. "i'm scared shawn."

"then just say yes!" he begs again. "i'll be here, i'm shit scared too, but i love you so much, and because of that i'm willing to stay with you and make things right." i look at him, opening my mouth to speak, but no words coming out.

i run into my room, locking my door and sitting against it, curling up into a ball and staying there. it's about midnight when i actually get up to do my night things, before i get into bed and be numb there.

i toss and turn for most of the night, trying to find sleep, but it doesn't come upon me. i stand up, unlocking the door, seeing shawn sleeping peacefully on the couch.

he stayed.

i walk up to him, crouching down and bring my hand up to his forehead, brushing away some of his hairs. "how'd we get here, huh?" i ask quietly, laughing softly to myself. "i'm sorry." i whisper to him, leaning forward as pressing my lips to his forehead.

"why are you apologising?" his eyes flutter open, as he yawns.

"because i feel like i have to." i tell him.

"what time is it?" he looks around, avoiding eye contact with me.

"6am." i say. "shawn look at me." he turns his head so he's facing me. "why have you been crying? have you slept?"

"no, i've been up most of the night." he tells me. "have you?"

"same here." i reply.

"i should get up, my flights at 11." he says, sitting up. "are you staying in the city or coming with me?"

"i'm gonna stay here." i take a shaky breath. "i'm sorry."

"no it's fine, don't apologise." he smiles sadly at me, cupping my cheek with one of his hands. "it would be better if you came, but i can't force you."

"i'll help you get your stuff together." shawn nods, as i venture into the bathroom, gathering up all his toiletries, after he's used them of course. "shawn, are you taking any in your hold on?"

"the usual." he says, as i walk into the kitchen, grabbing a ziplock bag, and walking back to the bathroom, putting in his brazilian bum bum cream, aftershave, toothpaste and deodorant. i walk back into the living room, putting it in his backpack, zipping it up.

"do you want any food to take with you?" i ask him, walking back into the kitchen.

"no thanks, i'll buy something in the airport." i nod, still going into my cupboard and taking out a few cookies we made in the hamptons, putting them in some foil, walking out and handing them to shawn.

"take some of these." he opens them slightly and smiles at me, a light pink coating his cheeks.

"thank you, anya." he pecks my forehead, wrapping his arms around me for a hug. i hold him tighter, my arms linked across his back, shutting my eyes briefly, to enjoy the peace.

"i gotta go." he pulls away, picking up his bag. "i think the taxi andrew organised for me is here."

"i'll come with you." he shakes his head.

"no, it's fine, you stay here." i frown, as he takes his things, heading out of the door. i sigh, leaning against my counter, folding my arms.

"has he gone?" kelsey asks me, approaching the kitchen.

"yeah." i sigh again, looking down. "god i feel like shit."

"go after him, wave him off." kelsey urges. "make things better before he goes, who knows when you will see him again."

"in march." i answer, laughing sadly. "yeah, you know what? i'll go to the airport now."

"that's my girl." kelsey hugs me, laughing. "go get your man."

"i'll see you in a few hours." i grab my phone and keys, putting on some trainers and a coat, rushing out of my door to hail a taxi.

i get in, closing the door behind me. "to lga airport please." i say to the driver, getting my phone out to check the flight details, and where he has to check in.

we arrive at the airport in two hours, and i'm scared shawns already in security, but then i remember fans would be at the airport, so i pay the taxi driver, getting out and seeing teenage girls lined up against a wall. it looks like shawn isn't even here yet.

"hey guys, has shawn come yet?" i ask a group of them, approaching them.

"no, aren't you going with him?" i shake my head at the brunette. she looks down at my hand and gasps. "are you guys not engaged anymore?"

"i don't know, but don't like make fake stories about it, please." i beg them.

"you two are adorable, and meant for each other. don't end the engagement over something stupid that shawn did." a blonde says. they all grumble at her, glaring.

"how did you know that it was shawns fault?" i ask her.

"he tweeted some really deep things yesterday, plus i was outside the coffee shop, and it looked like shawn was guilty. what did he do?" she asks me.

"wait do i know you?" i ask her quickly. "sorry, yeah, he had a casual relationship with someone else while we were on a break." i say quickly. "wait don't go and abuse him about it though."

"yeah, i was the girl who helped you back at the jingle bell ball, when you know, everything happened." she blushes, looking down.

"oh my god, thank you so much for helping me." i say to her.

"he's here, he just pulled up." a boy says, notifying the group that i was talking to.

"go inside and wait for him there, you'll get some privacy." the blonde says to me. i nod, hugging her.

"thank you guys, don't tell shawn i'm here." i wave, walking inside the airport, waiting against a wall.

i look out the window, seeing shawn greeting his fans, taking pictures with them, and talking to a few of them, laughing and having fun. he loves them so much.

"-i'll see you guys soon!" i hear him say, as he opens up the airport door, walking in. he doesn't notice me, so i walk behind him, creeping up on him.

"you didn't think i would let you go without a proper goodbye right?" i say loudly, as he jumps, turning around. he sighs, a smile toying at his lips.

"what are you doing here? how did you get here before me?" i laugh softly, rolling my eyes.

"i ran." i joke, making him chuckle. "but seriously, no proper goodbye?"

he drops his bags, holding me in his arms and pressing his lips to mine, hugging me close to him. "you don't have your suitcases with you, do you?" he says sarcastically.

"no i don't." i say, pulling away. "have a great rest, okay? i love you."

"i will, and i love you too." he tells me, pecking my cheeks. "i'll miss you, princess." my cheeks heat up, as i look down blushing.

"i'll miss you so much more." i peck his cheek, making him blush slightly.

"say hi to your family from me, okay? i'll see you soon." i reassure him. "call me when you get there."

"i will, i promise." he rubs my arms. "go home, you look tired honey."

"yeah, okay, bye shawn." i press my lips to his again, kissing him deeply, before pulling away, hugging him.

"see you soon, anya." he pecks my neck in the hug, pulling away and grabbing his things. "i love you!" he calls, walking to check in.

"i love you more!" i call back, turning around and walking out of the airport, still seeing shawns fans there.

i smile at them, hailing another taxi, to take me back to my apartment.

to be fair, i don't know if i will even see shawn until he has the last shows of his world tour.
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that brad the prat lad long got killed with kindness by mike yesterday, how iconic